Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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#53186
Ok so, I'm new here, and I'm here because I want to comfort and support my little the best that I can, but our CG/LB relationship is kind of a secret between us, so I needed a place I can post while being sorta anon.

A little bit of background-

I'm a cis female. I'm 21 and my little is 25. I've always been really nurturing and motherly, not exactly dominant though, if that's possible or makes any sense? When I was in high school there was a guy I was involved with whom I absolutely adored. I always just naturally had urges to spoil him, be gentle, care for, and protect him. He wasn't into this one bit, he was cold, detached and ended up just using me and taking advantage my empathy over and over again. I've completely moved on from this relationship and I haven't talked to this person in years, however, it was this relationship that made me kind of realize what sort of thing I wanted (though he definitely wasn't the right person I was looking for).

I ended up finding the right person though. Two years ago I met a guy on a popular social media platform through a irl friend that knew him. Almost right away I fell head over heels for him and he fell in love with me. In the beginning, he was very shy about a lot of things. He was very hesitant about telling me that he was disabled and needs crutches to walk, but I assured him that this didn't bother me at all. He then told me before we could date, he had a secret to tell me, and he didn't tell it to a lot of people. I had to very patient trying to get this secret out of him and after lots of effort and gentle reassurance, he told me he had mommy issues. This was a really broad statement, but after asking him to elaborate, we found that age regression might be a more appropriate term. I told him that not only was I ok with this, but I liked it.

I and my little are in a monogamous long distance relationship, but I see him about every seven months or so for around two weeks at a time. I want to add that he isn't little all the time, only occasionally. He has told me that he does not have any emotional trauma. Regressing is also something he chooses to do and is able to control. For him, it can be either sexual or non-sexual, it's usually 50/50. Sometimes he regresses a lot, sometimes he goes months without doing it.

I know when he is in littlespace when I am messaging him by the way he types. He has a favorite nickname to be called when he's in his space, and usually sheepishly asks or hints that he wants to be called that to let me know that he's regressed. In person, I know just by how he starts talking. His voice gets really soft and cute like a little baby, his eyes get really wide, and it honestly just makes my heart melt, especially as he's shorter than me, tiny and adorable.. He loves to call me mommy, loves when I breastfeed him, and a lot of the time it is a sexual kink and he asks for intimacy often when he's in littlespace (but he doesn't seem like me to be rough or "punish" him).

The problem I'm having with my little is that, after two whole years of this being such a huge aspect of our relationship, he is still very shy and bashful about his kink. He tells me that he often feels bad or guilty about it, and no matter how much I try to comfort him and make him feel safe, it doesn't seem to work. I've told him his family and our friends will never find out, I've told him his kink is common, I've explained to him that I enjoy it as much as he does, I've told him that there's nothing to be ashamed of, but he still feels uncomfortable.

I've really been worrying I haven't been a good Mommy but he always tells me that I'm not doing anything wrong and the issue isn't me, but it's him. He tells me he doesn't want a different CG and that I'm perfect, but he thinks his kink is weird and doesn't want to scare me away. I always tell him there's nothing to worry about, and that I enjoy being his mommy and that he can trust me. We've been discussing closing the distance within the next year or so and eventually even getting married, but he's still scared to be himself around me and it really worries me.

We have an agreement that he will be my only little and I will be his only caregiver as long as we are together. I've upheld my end of the agreement and after meeting him in person I can say, without a doubt, he's being loyal and sticking to our deal. I know this isn't what all CG/LB relationships are like but this how ours is.

I know him really well and I know being a little is something that he really, really enjoys, and because I care about my baby I want him to be happy and feel free to be himself, especially in our own, private relationship. It's like pulling teeth to get him to communicate with me about his kink. Sometimes, he gets too embarrassed to even call me mommy even though he loves to do it. For his own comfort, we don't use things like bedtime stories, sippy cups, or diapers though I would not be surprised if these are all things he secretly wishes he had for when he regresses. He does have a few small teddies I've bought him, and while I know he likes them, he usually feels bad for snuggling them, especially if I'm around to see.

I'm an intense empath, so when I'm trying to get into mommyspace it can be difficult when I sense he wants me to be his mommy really bad, but also feels ashamed and embarrassed at the same time. When I sense he feels guilty, I myself begin to feel uncomfortable or like I'm doing something dirty or wrong. I don't know if it's possible for me to be any more gentle, patient, and caring than what I've been with him. I'm not mad, I just don't know what else I can do to help him feel alright.

I'm looking for: <3

- Advice on how I can comfort my little and help him feel less embarrassed
- How to get into mommyspace when my little is nervous
- Videos or articles that may help me
- Similar experiences, whether you might be able to relate to me or my little.

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#53188
Does your partner's regression need to be directly talked about and addressed specifically? Is his hesitation damaging anything between you two right now? Can this just be thought of as a LDR hurdle that will only truly be overcome when the distance has been removed? Is this something that actually needs to be resolved in full?

When one considers how long a little has been forced to hide their regressive personality trait then 2 years of being encouraged to let that training go is really such a short amount of time. Your partner has likely learned to hide this trait well for over a decade, and has likely become an expert at doing so after being told repeatedly that he needed to "grow up", let certain regressive things go because they were blanket-statement "unacceptable", or simply to conform to the interests and behaviors of his peers regardless of how he personally felt. The hesitation absolutely makes sense. Any progress on self-acceptance is good progress, and it's okay for your partner to take awhile to get to where he's going on that road.

My first thought is that sometimes passive acceptance is more encouraging at times than a head-on confrontation and discussion about how someone doesn't need to feel ashamed of something. That over time many people grow more and more comfortable with certain displays in front of their partner. Long-distance does not really encourage that since a person can close off parts of their life from the other and put certain things on hold, as to not display them on camera or some such (also, side note, some people are simply just "camera shy" or feel like they are being asked to "perform" while on camera at certain times--stressful!).

I also think that once you close the distance gap that it will change the dynamic enough that he will be further encouraged to allow you into his space when regressing and you can work together on exploring it deeper, such as adding in the items you feel he would enjoy but may be too insecure to try while alone. It very well may be best to simply enjoy what is present now, look forward to what could come in the future, and exercise a great deal of patience without pressuring to be provided with more than your partner is actively capable of offering to you about themselves.

Joining social platforms, forums, and chat groups together can also be very uplifting for some people within the community since it allows them to feel normal, accepted, and a part of a community of others that understand their different thoughts and feelings. You may want to explore that in a few ways with your partner, and encourage them to make friends or, at least, have friendly chats with other regressors. You may also want to educate yourselves, both separately and together, by reading more about CGL partnerships, and finding resources you both agree are accurate to help further conversations between you two. Normalizing the regressive personality trait for your partner while they are in your presence is probably something you're seeking to do, and that can be difficult to do if it's only sectioned out into only being a topic at certain times and their active displays being your only focus on the topic.

You may want to not refer to this so much as a kink, as that term is colloquially used to describe strictly sexual association in the community. You've clearly noted that your partner's regression is not always sexually based, and perhaps tying his regression to being just kink is causing some embarrassment in itself. "Kink" can come along with feeling like it must be dirty or wrong for a little who is already struggling with those feelings outside of sexual situations, and it can feel confusing when your partner keeps suggesting that it all is lumped into being sexually related when it's just a part of who you are as a person. Recognizing that regression is a part of someone's personality is much more accurate. While sometimes he is obviously more regressed than other times, there are high odds that he is always a bit quirky, atypically more childlike than other adults.
Additional note, I also do not feel "lifestyle" is an accurate term to use either, as it implies that there has been a choice made by the little to be little. Littles regress based on an atypical and uncommon core personality trait, which is not really something a person chooses. "Personality" is the all-around best term to take up using, as it can encompass both sexual and nonsexual preferences and feelings as well as natural behaviors and personal choices.

Though I am a Mommy as well, I cannot really offer advice about "Mommyspace" since I do not believe CGL is something we turn on and off like a light switch. I do not believe being a Mommy is separate from being yourself. I wholeheartedly believe that a Caregiver is so by personality as well. Your personality shines when you're relaxed so treat yourself well, take time to de-stress, and find the positive each day so that you can focus on relaxing moments during unpleasant times. If your partner is stressed then it makes logical sense that you will be as well so try to set up situations where everyone is very comfortable and don't push boundaries so much that someone feels they must retreat. Just let things come naturally without expecting it to progress faster or more deeply than it is in the moment. Enjoy what you have in the present and try not to long for what you could have in the future. Work on still feeling comfortable about yourself when your partner is in need of comforting (not needing their regression, or deeper regression from them, to validate your feeling motherly), don't press for them to perform more deeply than they are actively regressing, and enjoy moments where they fulfill your need to be needed when they need more understanding and extra care.

Our resources are here, and I would encourage you and your partner to read them all in, at least, opening up conversational topics periodically:

http://www.littlespaceonline.com/viewforum.php?f=88

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#53191
Sorry for the late reply but I wanted to say thank you for all of your advice, I found it really helpful! There are a lot of things I have not considered, like how he's probably put a lot of effort into hiding this part of himself for a really long time. He refers to his regression as a kink, which is why I refer to it as such, and I didn't realize how that word may carry a negative connotation so I'm going to quit using that term the next time the topic is brought up.

Outside of regression, my little is ironically more mature than any other 25 year old I have ever met. He's taught me more about being an adult and has provided me with more life advice than either of my parents ever have. Outside of his regression, he's typically the more dominant person in the relationship. He is very laid back and most of his friends are older people as he seems to relate to them easier and easily becomes impatient with how reckless and clueless some people in their 20s can be. Sometimes, it almost seems as if he has two completely different personalities, however, there are occasionally times where I notice he is being somewhat childish outside of his regression especially when it comes to the things that make him laugh. I've noticed he has a very childish and mischievous sense of humor (which I find very cute and also pretty amusing). He also LOVES to watch cartoons, just not children's cartoons. He tends to have a preference for adult cartoons and 90's anime.

While I enjoy being his mommy, I, personally don't think I could handle if he was little all or most of the time as it might wear me down or exhaust me, although I love him to pieces. I don't press for him to be regressed more often, but I do encourage him to try and be more relaxed when he does. That's not something that can be forced though. One of my biggest worries is that I might not be making him happy and he may be too shameful outside of his regression to let me know if I'm doing something wrong, or that there might be more I can do to make him feel content and safe and I just don't know it. I really think you're right when you say this may become easier when we close the distance too, he seems a bit more comfortable when I'm with him in person.

I'm very inexperienced when it comes to all of this and I followed your suggestion and asked him if he'd like to perhaps do some research and get a little bit involved in the community, but he told me he's not ready to dig that deep yet. I'll be looking over the forums though so I can educate myself and try and get a better understanding of him. Thanks again for getting back to me, I really appreciate it! <3

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#53193
I sometimes have had problems with allowing myself to be my Little self. (For me it seems to stem from not being accepted as a child and forced to mature too soon.) I also have had past conversations with my LD cg about his role in our dynamic. He too thought he wasn't doing enough to be supportive. You might consider having a direct conversation when it's appropriate and see what roadblocks and hurdles need to be addressed. It may be a personal issue for your LB and only loving support and time will help. I would continue to have transparent dialogue and move forward at his comfort level. Also asking what activities appeal in the future. You might try to plan a special outing or make new Little food and see if you get a positive reaction to new options. I would explore finding other Littles for play dates and interaction with other similar couples you can relate to and be open with. It's great that you both found a compatible person who shares the same lifestyle! Perhaps your LB can choose some activities to enjoy on his own and expand his comfort level? I hope this helps! :pheart:

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