[[littleTalia]]

I created this account in summer because of my interest in being a little and having a daddy. Since then, however, I discovered I am a switch and would enjoy both sides of a little-caregiver relationship. I have not that much information about being a mommy though and have never been in such a relationship. Now I found a really nice boy who has been a little before with a mommy and it is possible that there is a relationship developing between us. Of course, he only deserves the best and I don't want to disappoint him (he knows I am new to this and that I have not been in such a relationship).
Can anyone of the other caregivers give me a little bit of advice? Apart from the most basic knowledge of course...

Help would be appreciated,
Talia


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[Miss]

I think the best advice is to ask a lot of questions on things he enjoys or expects from a Mommy Domme Caregiver. Many Caregivers find it best to also draft up a list of rules or guide that the little should agree to comfortably and review often.

Ask him where he falls in his littlespace age-range, and then ask him why he thinks he falls in that age bracket. It helps you identify things like petnames (maybe he's too old to be "baby"), gift ideas, basic needs (maybe he's too "old" for diapers but still young enough for pacifiers).

Ask him what he likes to do. What he likes to watch. What he likes to play. What he likes to eat.

Ask him what he wants in the future, inside and outside of a Caregiver/little relationship. He IS an adult, after all, and there is so much more to a person than their little fluff.

Ask him what he has problems doing as an adult. Maybe he lacks motivation to exercise or needs guidance on healthy eating. Maybe he needs encouragement in social situations or to be praised for nonoffensive behavior with friends. Maybe he needs to be told when to change his diaper or wash his body for better hygiene. Maybe he needs to be reassured he's a good person to help bring up his self-esteem. Maybe he needs help going to bed at a reasonable hour, getting a healthy amount of sleep, or waking up on time for important obligations.

Ask him what are some good reward methods. Make suggestions to him. Find things you can do to reward his scary moments or difficult moments. Expect to reward him a lot so be prepared with healthy rewards--don't feed into bad behavior as a reward method.

Draft up your list of "rules" to present him with as something to discuss. Don't set rules without him agreeing to them and feeling comfortable about them. Don't tell him, "Your beditme is X:XX, no arguments about that!" if you don't know his life, his routine, his needs, etc. You show him the idea and...ASK! "Does X:XX work for you? I know you said you have school/work at X:XX and I think this would give you enough time to sleep and get up in time for a shower and breakfast. What do you think?"

Listen to his answers. I mean, really listen. Sometimes he isn't going to be able to answer bluntly. Read into his hesitations. Make him comfortable.
"Okay, so it sounds like maybe X:XX time might not always work so well. How about we try that for just two or three days and see how you feel about it at that point?"

Give him small tasks. Ask him to make you a list of something like movies you two could watch together or games you two could play together. Maybe a list of what diapers he wants to try in what order or what presents he wants throughout the year. Perhaps ask him to make you artwork once a week and then work on displaying some of it somehow to show it off. Consider buying him a special stuffed animal and ask him to make a list of X amount of names for you to consider so that you two can name it together.
Little assignments can be fun and makes him feel much more involved in being little.

Be prepared and open to changes. Don't be so firm and strict that he is afraid to tell you what isn't working for him. Again, listen to what he is telling you. Ask yourself when he complains--is he playfully complaining for amusement or is it a serious complaint you need to take into consideration and give thought about? Is his complaint reasonable and is there something you can do to alleviate the issue?

Be prepared for him to have very, very adult times. Times when he comes to you and tells you that being a real adult is very hard. Times when he comes to you and tells you about serious workplace issues or personal family problems. Times when he isn't giggly, fluffy, and playfully childish because he's stuck. He's stuck being a scared, serious adult. Be prepared to talk with him and give him some solutions to alleviate his thoughts to some degree. Be prepared to say silly things to encourage him to come back to calm. Be prepared to praise, encourage, and reward for him having to deal with matters he doesn't generally feel capable of taking responsibility over.

In short:

1. Ask questions. A lot of questions.
2. Listen and be aware.
3. Give him something to do for you.
4. Be prepared for both little and big moments.

[PeppermintBatty]

As a little with a mommy, I can tell you some of the things I personally hope for/expect from my caretaker.

In my personal opinion, I believe a caretaker should be able to sweep a kiddo off to the littlespace mindset when it seems like they wouldn't be able to otherwise. The kind of words, actions, and thought patterns often take a long time to develop between couples (though sometimes its natural too). I want a caretaker to talk to me in that way that makes me feel most small so that I can feel as small as the caretaker actually sees me. Of course, it's not always going to work, but I basically desire a caretaker to help me believe I'm little and "preserve the magic" for me. I want them to tease me gently and make me feel like they're in charge. Most importantly, I want them to make me feel like everything is going to be okay, even when it seems to me like everything is overwhelming and that I can't deal with it.

Additionally, I think a caretaker should be mindful of their little's health and wellbeing. I want a caretaker that will ask me if I've taken my pills or if I've eaten or encourage me to take healthy steps like exercise and vitamins in my life. Of course, I'd prefer if these things were consistently encouraged as opposed to being set in stone (that is my preference of course), but some littles may like more strict rules. I definitely want to be able to talk to my caretaker about these things before they're set in place as well. I want my caretaker to know how my life works and feel comfortable suggesting things that would make it better.

Another serious problem I have had with caretakers before is the whole lack of communication/abandonment issue. I have had caretakers before tell me to "shut up" or to pull away from my frequent messaging. I need to be able to talk to my caretaker at least a little bit every day. Even if it's not very long. A simple "Hi, how are you doing? are you okay?" would suffice. Of course, it would be even better if I could see my caretaker for a few hours every day or even eventually live with my caretaker but sometimes an LDR doesn't work that way.

I definitely need to start going on LDR dates with my caretaker, where we schedule some time to be together and really do something together. Like watch a movie or play a game while on skype. Maybe even play an MMO or just have some time together where we have nothing else planned but to chat quietly together. I just like to have time for my family, because the people I love mean so much to me. I straight up need my family in my life, or I won't be able to deal with my problems.

I definitely like it when my caretaker gives me simple tasks that are fun for me to do. Expectations and reachable goals make me feel like a relationship is progressing and that I am desired in my caretakers life. For instance, me and my caretaker are planning to meet eventually. Being able to have concrete plans that I can start making preparations for would be great. Even a to-do list, as mundane as it is, instills a feeling of "we have a plan for each other." And during the start of a relationship, these simple things are very important because they help instill the idea that you and your little will have a future together, even if it may have uncertainties or surprises in store for you.

So basically:
1: Help your little feel little
2: Care and assist in your little's life
3: Be available
4: Have time for each other
5: Try to have a big picture idea of your future with your little

But the most important to me is communication. Be there for them. You may not need to be there every moment--every poop or rattling experience, but you should touch base at least once every two or three days. It's super important.