[Little_Panda_Dolly]

HI,
So I have been a sub for a while but am new to being a little. I think I am going through subdrop but I have never personally been through it just read up on it. I have had a casual partner over a year now he doesn't know about my little side he just knows that I act younger and he says its cute. It is long distance and we have only met in person once the rest of the time it has been through email and text. The first time we met he was okay he got really mad at me however for eating before we met that day (even though he didn't pick me up until 4pm) because he face firetrucked me it made me puke and cough up a little blood. I got no aftercare and he drove me home without talking to me, other than getting mad at me and scolding me, and just said good bye the moment he dropped me off and left. I got depressed for a little while afterwards though but not like this.

Since that meeting he has said he would come out and see me three times but each time he has cancelled for some reason or another. (I found out that I am also not his only sub and I was under the impression I was and it seems like he collects subs because he refuses to answer my questions regarding it. He also told me I have a mistress that I never agreed to.) He always says he is upset with my weight and progress and that I am not trying and need to do this or that to loose it or get in better shape for him and when I try to talk about after he mentions it gets mad that I view myself negatively. And threatens to punish me over anything and to just keep me in line his words not mine. He also demands and gives me nothing in return other than a nice pictures comment. And he only brings it up before he mentions he is going to come see me. He sets up a date and time he is going to see me and 2-7 days before cancels.

This last time just has sent me spiraling. He decided to bring another sub and she didn't realize she had a what he says is a severe yeast infection and decided to turn around. And told me this is what was going to happen. They were over half way here he told me. He said "SO NOW THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO MAKE THE EXPENSIVE TRIP OUT" and a lot of "next time sweetie". I know he works and all that but, he always makes these promises and then cancels and when I ask for something or try to talk to him about what is bothering me he gets mad at how I am thinking or not doing something right in his eyes.

He also keeps saying that he is gonna post things we have done to websites (adult art and BeDeeSeM) as a punishment and that it would be hot to do so even though I have told him no that I do not want that to happen and that I am uncomfortable with it. But just says that he will do it anyways, because I am over reacting. I just feel so upset and hurt that he is doing this. But I am so afraid to say something and become one of those revenge adult art victims or get hurt by him. I don't this just I am reeling and spiraling like how I was before I was getting treatment for my depression (which he knows about). He also knows that I have problems with self harm. I have never received aftercare, he just shuts off after anything we do online or what have you and won't talk to me about it other than a good job. I am so scared and don't know what to do. And this is the only place I can talk about it to someone. If you read all of this thank you I just don't know what to do I feel so alone and scared and upset right now.

[JuneStar]

Wow.

I read this (and had my Daddy read it too) and we're both so shocked that you're still allowing him to abuse you. You deserve so much better than this loser!

This isn't just subdrop. This is you being used, taken advantage of, and not being cared for as you should be.

If you're not consenting to things (ie: submitting to some other woman, having a polyamorous/open relationship, not eating for a period of time, having your private discussions/images posted publicly, etc.) then he is abusing his power and, thus, abusing you. You shouldn't let him continue to this to you. You are worth more.

Everything you've said here is not okay for a good dominant to do. Things decided should be generally agreed upon (with your hard limits taken into consideration as well as your feelings about public exposure, additional partners, etc.) based on your communication with the dominant.

If I were you, I'd tell this guy he can go blow himself and start a journey in finding someone who truly appreciates what you have to offer in these types of dynamics.

Example:
If you were bleeding from being throat firetrucked then he was simply too rough. It doesn't have anything to do with you throwing up from eating. He should've realized he was too rough the first time.

Example:
If you didn't explicitly consent to submitting to another person, a mistress in this case, then he shouldn't expect that of you at all, ever.

Example:
If you were important to him to any degree, he would make some effort to spend time with you in person if you're within travel distance. He did so once, used you and hurt you, and then didn't return. That's just trashy.

I'm so sorry you've gotten into this predicament. I really, really hope you move along and leave this guy behind like a bad dream.

[Little_Panda_Dolly]

I am just so nervous and I don't know I guess worried I am over reacting. I am worried about what he will say or do next. I am also really scared of upsetting him because he says he will do things that scare me. I know it isn't right what he is doing but he says he cares about me. And that just wants to help me the best cute little sub I can be. Because if I work harder I could be perfect and amazing. But that I am a really sweet and perfect as I already am. I am just worried that he will do something as retribution for me dumping him. Because if he does its not like I can do anything. I am shaking just thinking about it, God.

[Little_Panda_Dolly]

I texted him and he apologized a lot and said it was out of his control. He blamed that one girl for no seeing me today and tomorrow too. Ugh I feel so torn. I don't wanna be so walky on egg shelly but he always apologizes. I told him it was pry best if we ended it and that I don't give him permission to share anything. And that I have to look out for me and my mental and physical health first. I just wanna curl up and hide under my blankie and cry and have cuddles and eat Ben and Jerrys. I just goodness I just I don know no more. I feel so sick to my tummy.

[JuneStar]

You are taking your own power away with all of this worry. Let's try to break things down:

1. "...he says he cares about me. And that just wants to help me the best cute little sub I can be. Because if I work harder I could be perfect and amazing."
There is a huge difference in saying these things during a scene or during a particular playtime/play routine with a partner versus telling them this as truth or fact. He should appreciate what you have to offer as a submissive. Abusing power by saying you should submit to another person as well, that you NEED to drop weight, that you need to not eat so he can have physically intimate pleasure whenever he wants, taking on other partners without being up front with your current partner(s), causing someone to be damaged and then telling them that it was all of their fault without your consent is NOT caring about YOU. He is taking advantage of the role you have given him.

It's like someone is beating an animal. Say, they kick the animal so hard that the animal begins to vomit blood. They are angry at the animal because the animal is not perfect. When confront about their abuse of the animal they say something like, "I love my pet. I just want them to be a better pet. That's why I kick them until they vomit or I break a rib. It's to help them be the best pet they can be." That'd be horrible, right? That's clearly abusive and wrong.

2. What is it that you're afraid of him doing, specifically? Let's rationalize this:

• If he posts things online without your permission that is revealing then most website owners will remove the personal information for legal reasons. If they do not, you legally have the ability to get a lawyer and sue the company and your partner for leaving uploaded, personal content up without your consent. You have the power do this. Yes, it take some time but most websites are going to remove your personal data so they don't have to lose a court case and pay back damages.
  
  Contrary to what you see on the internet, most of these sites that claim they are posting things "behind the girlfriend's back" are not. The one that was well-known to do just that recently was taken to court for personal damages from those girlfriends. It's serious and the legal system recognizes it is a big deal. You have the power here to make legal moves against your abuser if it comes down to it.

• If he shows up to your home, uninvited, then you can call 9-1-1 in the U.S. to have a police officer escort you off of your private property. You do not have to let him be around you. If you are physically afraid, you can file for a restraining order. You have this power.

• If you are afraid he's going to disclose personal details to your friends or family, again, this can result in you taking legal action against him. Plus, people who truly care about you aren't going to listen to this douche and, even if they did, you could deny things he didn't have evidence of YOU (physical evidence that he didn't somehow make it up) for you to say, "Uh, no, that's not what I said! What in the world, he's crazy!" You have that power.

I don't recommend telling him to blow off in a mean or disrespectful way. Choose your words well to express yourself clearly. "I've been thinking a lot lately and I think I'm growing in a new direction. What we have had has been a learning experience for me and I feel it's now best we move our separate ways and branch off in our respective growth directions. I appreciate the time and effort you gave me and I hope you feel the same." Do not continue to talk with him if you're breaking this tie. You have the power to choose if he's in your life or not. By letting him in your life, you've blurred boundaries. It's important to part ways cleanly and not look back. Abusers can change, yes, but it takes a lot of time, a lot of self-recognition on their end, and lot of desire to be a different person.

You have power here.

You are not lowly. You are not worthless. You are not stuck. You are not powerless.

[Little_Panda_Dolly]

You're right. I would never allow someone to do this to my doggie Sugar (who is my furbaby) or my friends and family. It's stupid, that I am allowing someone to have this much power over me. For God's sake I have gone through training on how to handle situations like this. And I don't see him changing, ever. I sure as heck don't want to wait around for it to happen. I can't believe I let it get to this point. Luckily I live in a gated community and the gate code changes every three months, so it would be pretty hard for him to get in and its kinda of a maze of houses. I din't even think of some of those things you mentioned. I can't let my self-esteem play a role in this and I let him know pretty gently while still being like standing my ground if that makes any sense. I love your comment especially the "You are not lowly. You are not worthless. You are not stuck. You are not powerless." It means a lot to hear that. You are pretty awesome btw

[princessStinky]

I think he is not made for beeing a caregiver, as a example, if i mention to my mommy that im not feeling good, or strange, she takes of from work, hugs me and cuddles me, and always stays close to me, even trying to help me, onetime she even took a airplane to visit me at mental hospital.... So i guess thats caring, instead of just saying, also if its not possible for her to come, she knows i love her, and if she thinks im in bad mood, she doesnt answere my texts, only accept calls to clear my state, so, that i can feel she cares for me, and i guess thats what a little one needs.