- 8 years ago
#1028
HI,
So I have been a sub for a while but am new to being a little. I think I am going through subdrop but I have never personally been through it just read up on it. I have had a casual partner over a year now he doesn't know about my little side he just knows that I act younger and he says its cute. It is long distance and we have only met in person once the rest of the time it has been through email and text. The first time we met he was okay he got really mad at me however for eating before we met that day (even though he didn't pick me up until 4pm) because he face firetrucked me it made me puke and cough up a little blood. I got no aftercare and he drove me home without talking to me, other than getting mad at me and scolding me, and just said good bye the moment he dropped me off and left. I got depressed for a little while afterwards though but not like this.
Since that meeting he has said he would come out and see me three times but each time he has cancelled for some reason or another. (I found out that I am also not his only sub and I was under the impression I was and it seems like he collects subs because he refuses to answer my questions regarding it. He also told me I have a mistress that I never agreed to.) He always says he is upset with my weight and progress and that I am not trying and need to do this or that to loose it or get in better shape for him and when I try to talk about after he mentions it gets mad that I view myself negatively. And threatens to punish me over anything and to just keep me in line his words not mine. He also demands and gives me nothing in return other than a nice pictures comment. And he only brings it up before he mentions he is going to come see me. He sets up a date and time he is going to see me and 2-7 days before cancels.
This last time just has sent me spiraling. He decided to bring another sub and she didn't realize she had a what he says is a severe yeast infection and decided to turn around. And told me this is what was going to happen. They were over half way here he told me. He said "SO NOW THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO MAKE THE EXPENSIVE TRIP OUT" and a lot of "next time sweetie". I know he works and all that but, he always makes these promises and then cancels and when I ask for something or try to talk to him about what is bothering me he gets mad at how I am thinking or not doing something right in his eyes.
He also keeps saying that he is gonna post things we have done to websites (adult art and BeDeeSeM) as a punishment and that it would be hot to do so even though I have told him no that I do not want that to happen and that I am uncomfortable with it. But just says that he will do it anyways, because I am over reacting. I just feel so upset and hurt that he is doing this. But I am so afraid to say something and become one of those revenge adult art victims or get hurt by him. I don't this just I am reeling and spiraling like how I was before I was getting treatment for my depression (which he knows about). He also knows that I have problems with self harm. I have never received aftercare, he just shuts off after anything we do online or what have you and won't talk to me about it other than a good job. I am so scared and don't know what to do. And this is the only place I can talk about it to someone. If you read all of this thank you I just don't know what to do I feel so alone and scared and upset right now.
So I have been a sub for a while but am new to being a little. I think I am going through subdrop but I have never personally been through it just read up on it. I have had a casual partner over a year now he doesn't know about my little side he just knows that I act younger and he says its cute. It is long distance and we have only met in person once the rest of the time it has been through email and text. The first time we met he was okay he got really mad at me however for eating before we met that day (even though he didn't pick me up until 4pm) because he face firetrucked me it made me puke and cough up a little blood. I got no aftercare and he drove me home without talking to me, other than getting mad at me and scolding me, and just said good bye the moment he dropped me off and left. I got depressed for a little while afterwards though but not like this.
Since that meeting he has said he would come out and see me three times but each time he has cancelled for some reason or another. (I found out that I am also not his only sub and I was under the impression I was and it seems like he collects subs because he refuses to answer my questions regarding it. He also told me I have a mistress that I never agreed to.) He always says he is upset with my weight and progress and that I am not trying and need to do this or that to loose it or get in better shape for him and when I try to talk about after he mentions it gets mad that I view myself negatively. And threatens to punish me over anything and to just keep me in line his words not mine. He also demands and gives me nothing in return other than a nice pictures comment. And he only brings it up before he mentions he is going to come see me. He sets up a date and time he is going to see me and 2-7 days before cancels.
This last time just has sent me spiraling. He decided to bring another sub and she didn't realize she had a what he says is a severe yeast infection and decided to turn around. And told me this is what was going to happen. They were over half way here he told me. He said "SO NOW THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO MAKE THE EXPENSIVE TRIP OUT" and a lot of "next time sweetie". I know he works and all that but, he always makes these promises and then cancels and when I ask for something or try to talk to him about what is bothering me he gets mad at how I am thinking or not doing something right in his eyes.
He also keeps saying that he is gonna post things we have done to websites (adult art and BeDeeSeM) as a punishment and that it would be hot to do so even though I have told him no that I do not want that to happen and that I am uncomfortable with it. But just says that he will do it anyways, because I am over reacting. I just feel so upset and hurt that he is doing this. But I am so afraid to say something and become one of those revenge adult art victims or get hurt by him. I don't this just I am reeling and spiraling like how I was before I was getting treatment for my depression (which he knows about). He also knows that I have problems with self harm. I have never received aftercare, he just shuts off after anything we do online or what have you and won't talk to me about it other than a good job. I am so scared and don't know what to do. And this is the only place I can talk about it to someone. If you read all of this thank you I just don't know what to do I feel so alone and scared and upset right now.