- 9 years ago
#72
I have a boyfriend who is very dominant. I think we are pretty much in a BeDeeSeM type relationship but we've never specifically addressed it.
I've always been a submissive person and he seems to be the very opposite of me. We've been together for almost 3 years now.
The thing is, I really want a Daddy.
My boyfriend isn't a terrible person but he is what I imagine to be a typical Dom in the BeDeeSeM kink sense. To be flat out, I don't like it. It isn't what I need.
I need someone softer and gentle. I need guidance because I need to learn--not guided because I'm a lesser person than my dominant.
My boyfriend means well, I'm sure, and he doesn't see that I'm not happy with the dynamic. I don't want to be punished because I didn't want to commit to some strange 1950s household where I'm completely responsible for all of the household duties.
I'm more of a little. I need help. I can't have that much responsibility. I feel overwhelmed by it.
For example, I didn't do the dishes one night last week. I didn't feel good. I was depressed and my tummy was sick anyway. I figured I'd let them slide until the morning and then take it on when I felt better (after a good sleep). My boyfriend got so angry. He punished me, paddled me hard for a good hour and bruised my bottom, told me I was a stupid and disgusting bleep, and then he firetrucked me--but he was squeezing my throat when he did it and he was really rough. I cried during all of this and he just kept doing it like he thought I liked it or something, I don't know. He got really hard over it and, obviously, got off to it all so I know HE liked it, at least. I think he thought I did too because he was like, "You made me pissed off on purpose, didn't you?! You just WANTED me to do this, didn't you?"
What I wish would have happened instead would be for him to have asked why I wasn't being my normal self and if something was bothering me. Then he'd cuddle and kiss me and rub my tummy while I relaxed in bed with him or on the couch. If I felt better then he could help me do the dishes or maybe, if I didn't feel better, he would say he'd take care of them or that they could wait until the morning and he would put me to bed for the night. Maybe I'd get a light spanking the next day for not having told him right away that I was feeling well.
I'm not sure where to go from here. I just recently realized what dynamic we had going on when I was searching the internet about Ddlg dynamics. It's so obvious that I'm in a D/s relationship. This is why I'm so unhappy with it. I don't want to be a slave like it seems like I've fallen into.
Do I tell him? Do I just break it off with him?
I'm not sure he realizes that our relationship isn't vanilla and what most people consider normal. I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him flat-out that I dislike our situation but that's really how I feel. He's just too hard. It's not consensual at this point. He's gone too hard with everything and I feel lost.
I've always been a submissive person and he seems to be the very opposite of me. We've been together for almost 3 years now.
The thing is, I really want a Daddy.
My boyfriend isn't a terrible person but he is what I imagine to be a typical Dom in the BeDeeSeM kink sense. To be flat out, I don't like it. It isn't what I need.
I need someone softer and gentle. I need guidance because I need to learn--not guided because I'm a lesser person than my dominant.
My boyfriend means well, I'm sure, and he doesn't see that I'm not happy with the dynamic. I don't want to be punished because I didn't want to commit to some strange 1950s household where I'm completely responsible for all of the household duties.
I'm more of a little. I need help. I can't have that much responsibility. I feel overwhelmed by it.
For example, I didn't do the dishes one night last week. I didn't feel good. I was depressed and my tummy was sick anyway. I figured I'd let them slide until the morning and then take it on when I felt better (after a good sleep). My boyfriend got so angry. He punished me, paddled me hard for a good hour and bruised my bottom, told me I was a stupid and disgusting bleep, and then he firetrucked me--but he was squeezing my throat when he did it and he was really rough. I cried during all of this and he just kept doing it like he thought I liked it or something, I don't know. He got really hard over it and, obviously, got off to it all so I know HE liked it, at least. I think he thought I did too because he was like, "You made me pissed off on purpose, didn't you?! You just WANTED me to do this, didn't you?"
What I wish would have happened instead would be for him to have asked why I wasn't being my normal self and if something was bothering me. Then he'd cuddle and kiss me and rub my tummy while I relaxed in bed with him or on the couch. If I felt better then he could help me do the dishes or maybe, if I didn't feel better, he would say he'd take care of them or that they could wait until the morning and he would put me to bed for the night. Maybe I'd get a light spanking the next day for not having told him right away that I was feeling well.
I'm not sure where to go from here. I just recently realized what dynamic we had going on when I was searching the internet about Ddlg dynamics. It's so obvious that I'm in a D/s relationship. This is why I'm so unhappy with it. I don't want to be a slave like it seems like I've fallen into.
Do I tell him? Do I just break it off with him?
I'm not sure he realizes that our relationship isn't vanilla and what most people consider normal. I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him flat-out that I dislike our situation but that's really how I feel. He's just too hard. It's not consensual at this point. He's gone too hard with everything and I feel lost.
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