[PrincessPipsqueak]

I was with him since I was 15, and am now 19 and we just recently ended. I started calling him Daddy probably 8 months ago, and he called me his little girl/Pipsqueak (I have always been little, but I never understood what was happening to me when I would go into little space, and I had no idea what to do about it). He is the only person in my life that I have ever trusted, and the only one I could go right into little space and know that it was okay. The problem is he took advantage of that, and would get in rages and get violent, so I left him. The adult me wants to forget him completely and is working on moving on, but little me is terrified. If I stay in my adult mind for too long, regardless of my desire, I switch into little space and have panic attacks and just break down. I can't seem to convince little me to let go because all she wants is her Daddy back. Even just to talk to him and have him call her his Pipsqueak or Little just once more. Adult me knows better. Adult me knows that any contact is dangerous with former Daddy, he is a Narcissist with Sociopathic tendencies. Yet, knowing all this and remembering all the things he did, little me doesn't care. All she cares about is her Daddy. It is to the point that coloring or even my stuffie rarely calms me (I left him about 4 months ago), I just slip into little space and become hysterical and have to fight myself for control so I do not reach out to him. I don't know what to do

[LilAjgus83]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, losing your Daddy as a little is never easy regardless of circumstance. I think adult you knows what is best and that being away from him is probably a good choice. There is a natural grief process you are going to have to go through to get over him and be able to let go. There's now quick way around it you just have to cry until you are done. I know those are the times it's hard not to reach out to them but there's no way around it.

And based on what you said about how he treated you, you might want to consider talking to a counselor or therapist just for a little help working through those issues, some of the tears maybe from feelings around how he treated you and not about you missing him. Just my opinion. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.