...going to be bluntly honest...
All I heard from your reply was that I'm privileged and clueless because I identify as a "norm" since I, myself, don't have gender identity struggles or struggle with dating. (Honestly, who doesn't struggle with dating? Even vanilla people have loads amounts of dating websites for this exact reason...
It's HARD to find a perfect match!)
(Speaking of that...did you know that a lot of vanilla-dating sites make up female-based profiles because there are typically more men seeking women than women seeking men? I don't know why, of course. I can't speak on the behalf of an entire gender, but I think it may be related to females being more inclined to need long-term attachment and prior knowledge of a partner before diving into something serious, and, for many, the entire goal of dating is become serious at some point.)
I answered honestly and truthfully.
I'm sorry it didn't suit your wishes, but I gave the truthful answer.
I am sorry that you feel my answer wasn't suitable because I didn't indicate that I struggle with anything like mental illness, gender identity, or partnership.
I, as a Mommy Domme, haven't chosen to be very open in my search because I feel like I don't want everything to be about dating. Sometimes I want someone I can be friends with first. Sometimes I want things to develop into that kind of passion. I want somebody that isn't just "a little" but someone who is incredibly special to ME because of a variety of primarily-personality-based reasons versus role/identification reasons.
Caring about someone--truly, deeply caring for them--can be something of an intense relationship. It's a valuable, special gem to me. I'm not just digging in dirt to find that any gem. I don't want a gem that just takes and takes. I don't want a gem that I can't talk to on an equal level because they're always roleplaying. I don't want a gem who is just looking for instant gratification because they are desperate for attention.
Barnstormer1126 wrote:I'm also well aware of the whole 'not driven by physically intimate tension' factor, but that's just it-sure I have one of the highest sex drives I know about, but I'd rather have emotional connection than meaningless sex. I don't HAVE sex unless there's that deep connection.
I don't know why you're telling me this as if we are arguing..? I didn't say YOU are driven by physically intimate tension. I'm sorry if I conveyed the wrong message, but I promise I didn't say that at all. I was trying to say that a lot of these flighty, instant-gratification relationships involving neglectful male Daddy Doms seem to be about that.
Barnstormer1126 wrote:Another impediment is the fact that I'm kind of going through a really rough time with absolutely no support group; so when I meet someone new, and they ask how I am, I answer honestly (but briefly); because people in general are so shallow and unwilling to be understanding and look past the surface, they then don't want to talk to me when I try and talk about positive things, like mutual interests, because they've written me off as 'too negative' and 'too unwilling to try to be better', when in reality there's a lot of things standing in the way (like lack of services) to that. Someone went so far as to try to use the Nike slogan on me for advice: 'Just move if there's no services!' Yeah ok, I'll get right on that -_-
...what? So, you can't be "just friends" with people and evolve into a relationship because you're a complicated person? Again, I'm extremely confused how any of this is intertwined with the question as to why more female Caregivers aren't actively appearing to be seeking a partner. Was this thread intended to just complain about it? Perhaps I was just mistaken in answering, and I'm truly sorry if I've wasted your time with my silly thoughts.
Barnstormer1126 wrote:As far as vanilla relationships turning into MdLb 'ships...that has not been my experience at all.
Okay. I answered honestly though and from MY personal experiences. I'm not sure why your experiences are more valid than mine. Why are you arguing with me about what can and cannot occur? You aren't any more or less special of a person than I am. It's coming off as that way and I'm honestly not sure why...
Barnstormer1126 wrote:And this isn't a personal attack against you or anything, but the whole 'it'll happen when it happens' line is something I've heard far too often from those in 'privileged' positions to be able to not want to take the statement and drop a nuke on it XD
And this isn't a personal attack against you or anything, but the whole, "Everyone is more privileged than I! Woe is me!" line is something I've heard far too often from people who are--let me choose my words wisely here--spoiled.
I mean, who are you to say that I should be more active in my desire to partnership anyway? I mean, isn't that a tad spoiled of you to assume I should be doing just that strictly because YOU are lonely and want to partner with someone identifying as a female Caregiver? Why aren't you actively showing me who you are and what's in your mind so that I can make the first move and say, "Hey, I saw you around the chat room, and took the time to read your personals ad up, and I'm really interested in getting to know you a little better on a more personal level. What do you think about chatting more privately with me?" Because THAT is something I would say. I'd never, ever message someone based on their profile ad to say something like, "Hey, I want to be your Mommy!" because I feel like that is so surface-based and I don't REALLY KNOW that person yet to be that level of intimate with them.
A lot of this could be how you present yourself too, you know. Have you tried different tactics? Have you really thought about some of your wording?
I'm really sorry you're going through some pretty unhappy struggles in life. We all do though so please know that you are absolutely not alone. I understand this topic may be a sore spot but it is a sore spot for so many people. So many people ask things like, "Why aren't women messaging me on these dating sites?!" You aren't the only one and I think re-evaluating how you're searching could be incredibly important--especially in this dynamic.
I just gave you my personal perspective and my actions based on personal reasoning. There is nothing to argue about or tell me I am wrong about doing. I am doing what I am doing because that's what I want to do. You are doing what you are doing because that is what you want to do. If you and I don't align because we are on two different paths then that is okay with me, you know? And by "you" I mean anyone. The right person is on my path and we'll bump into each other as we go along in our ways.
I mean, I thought you were asking for personal answers from very specific people, not for a general group to gang up and say they agree with you...
...I think I've just misunderstood the purpose of this conversation at this point though...