[Littleicewitch]

I'm so tired of caregivers I have met, I'm sorry if you are different but my opinion of all of you has been so warped.

I don't know how many times i have told a caregiver that i have been hurt and need to go slow that I don't want to rush into anything. I also cannot count the amount of times I have then heard the same tripe line 'I totally understand let's get to know one another' then not even 2 hours later he is asking me to tell him in detail what I'm wearing under my clothes.

Im not going to lie, but I lost my temper. I told him that 'normally I don't tell people I don't know what I'm wearing under my clothes' I thought that would end the matter but then he replied with 'Hmmm well that's the detail 'daddy' desires. I love intimate detail.'. I was speechless because I had thought that maybe maybe someone finally understood that I wanted to go slow I didn't want to have my heart ripped out by another user or abuser so I got mad and said this 'Yes but if you arnt someone's daddy, it's not exactly your right. That's the problem. Because if every daddy you meet wants intimate details then your just telling random people you don't know and who don't care about you abiut your private parts. It dosnt happen outside of kink and I don't see how a kink relationship should have different rules, it's still a relationship, if I met someone in kink on the street and they liked the look of me if they asked about my underthings I don't think I would be too happy to answer.'

I truly don't think any caregiver i have met either cares or understands what I meant by that. Just because it is kink and intense does not mean it isn't a real relationship, most people don't do kink 24/7 there is more than kink in their relationships, I wouldn't ever talk to some random daddy dom coming up to me in person and demanding to know what I was wearing because I am submissive and he is dominant.

Your dominant, that does not mean you deserve or have the right to be dominant over every little that passes your way. It every little told or showed her intimate details with every daddy dom there wouldn't be a point it isn't special anymore not only that a little should only be showing her daddy those things not just random people. If that is your thing fine, but I should have a right to not have to show/tell every candidate daddy that comes my way.

This isn't even all that bothers me, I know littles can be just as bad but I don't want to start dating someone 2 days after meeting them, it isn't realistic and it never lasts because once they get to know you then it either dosnt work or dosnt last long, I once let my boundaries down and agreed to date someone after 4 days. Know what happened? He pretended to be single and have cancer and guilted me after months of treating me like crap. Why should I rush into a relationship because a caregiver dosnt have patience? I want to protect myself make sure in getting into something safe sane and consenual. Wtf the firetruck happened to that? What happened to safe sane and consesual because i don't feel like daddy doms even need consent anymore as long as we Do what they want and they get their desires met

I met a guy the other night which woukdnt take no for an answer he kept forcing himself upon me and telling me it was okay we were meant to be together.

I told him that what he was doing if it was in real life would be forced encounters/assault just because so much of it is online dosnt make it okay!

I leave with this last comment:

'*sigh* Sorry I hate hate hate having to be like that. Its just every person I have met feels like they have some tight to me because I'm submissive, I'm a person too and i have gotten really firetrucked over, I'm just really tired of being treated that way because they are dominant and have desires and I'm submissive and because they show a little bit of interest I should have to bend over to their whims? Littles can be the same and it's not fair'

Sometimes I want to quit, it was so much easier being just a sub and ignoring the little part of me, i may be a little but I have an adult brain I can think in full sentences and can make my own choices, I want a dominant daddy not someone who will use Domination to get off and then leave because they feel they deserve the right.

Sorry if this makes people mad I'm just so upset because the last 6 Daddy doms I have met have ruined it for me

[Bedhead21]

Well im new to the life and am trying to be a baby boy, but yeah i wouldnt like that either. If anything thats kind of creepy, if you take that approach. I want someone who keeps it innocent in the beggining, and maybe after a few playdates then get slightly intimate, but not right off the bat. Keeping it innocent and fun, and playing the part is important i think. Staying in character is important, although I am new to the life, i think thats what its about right?

[DaddyforLG]

Actually Littleicewitch I respect your post on multiple levels. I think many of the things you speak of are very relevant to the culture and some of the disservices littles and CG's can do to one another.

It seems you have done your due diligence by clearly outlying your expectations, limits, and comfort levels in terms of what you desire sexually and emotionally from your CG. I think your frustration is shared by many and it's just a matter of not finding the right CG for you yet.

I know many Daddys, CG's, Littles (insert any other titles) who seem exasperated that they can't find their other half. However, I encourage you to maintain a positive outlook and reach out to your network of friends. It's much better to be happy on your own (even if a little lonely at times) than to be unhappy with a partner that does not respect your views and feelings. Your day will come.

[DaddyDoRight]

There is certainly good and bad in every such dating pool, and to be honest, many littles and DDs aren't looking for an actual long term relationship, but rather the kink equivalent of a "booty call" or "friend with benefits". The downside is that there's very little upfront discussion of this. Because this is considered a kink, or a sub-community of BeDeeSeM, some DD/lg don't feel the need to emphasize their objectives being long term or short term, some simply want a roleplay partner to indulge with, which is perfectly reasonable, and some want long term relationships, also perfectly reasonable. The issue comes up when a DD and lg who want opposite things come together and there tends to be a strong conflict of interest involved.

To be honest it's partly why I've never advertised myself in these communities, I don't feel like I am truly up to the task of handling a long term Caregiver/Little relationship, and I don't want to be the source of emotional upheaval for a little hoping for that. I think if we all were a little more honest in what we want and why we come here, then it will work out better for everyone. We can't really expect this of everyone though so we also need to set our own standards high and not be afraid to ask someone what their intentions or goals are.

[Deleted User 8140]

Dear Witchiepoo, lol,
I wish I were closer. I am sorry you have had such a hard time finding an acceptable Daddy.

There are some things you need to watch out for. There are a lot of fake
DDs. They will want to have sex with you far too fast, want you to call
them Daddy before they know you, will be impatient with little space and
sometimes be downright sadistic.You also should address potential Daddy's
or DD friends as "sir" or "Mr" until you are comfortable caling them Daddy, no one should demand you call them Daddy until you are ready. It is a title a Daddy has to be EARNED!

Please keep trying! I would recommend at least 6+ chats spent in deep discussion before a DD starts to get physically intimate. He needs to be willing to spend time with you in little space, telling you all the things he would do to put you to bed if he was with you. He should send you 2-3 texts a day to tell you you are special, you are a good girl, he wants to cuddle, other nice things. After you are comfortable talking dirty, he can send an occassional suggestive message about what he wants to do to/with you.

You have the power to block and stop communicating with a potential Daddy at any time. If someone starts pressuring you, moving to fast or making you uncomfortable, cut him off. No explanation needed. The worst he can do is tell others that you are a tease. If he does, he is doing you a favor to keep the DDs just looking for sex from contacting you.

Research "Munches" or DDlg mixers nearby. Go, meet folks and have fun.
Good luck,
xoxoTimxoxo
Come to DDaddy 4 cuddles

[littleun]

if we all were a little more honest in what we want and why we come here, then it will work out better for everyone. We can't really expect this of everyone though so we also need to set our own standards high and not be afraid to ask someone what their intentions or goals are.

This, this right here. Open, honest communication people, the cure to what ails ya.

[[littleTalia]]

I am also new to this but i just wanna say that this discussion here helped me a lot bc it made me aware of the bad people and of what a daddy should do and what a little should expect from their caregiver so thank you all!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JackR]

Hi Littleicewitch, well done you...
unfortunately there will always be the "users and abusers" in the alt. lifestyle, they come here with the idea of finding and conquering any 'vulnerable' type they can find, it's about sex for them, not relationship, they don't see past their own wants, DDaddyCuddles, DaddyDoRight gave you some very good advice, it seems you are very young in the is lifestyle and will come across this quite often, don't be disheartened and give up, you may miss out on finding the one person on the face of this planet who was put here to make your life complete...

"its your life, live it free"

[teddyNdummy]

Littleicewitch,

I am so very, very sorry about what you've been through. It really sounds like you've had an awful time. It's genuinely made me feel really sad to read your words and makes me feel ashamed to be part of the community. I could go down the route of saying "They're not all bad, there are good guys out there..." etc. But you know what? There are some complete sh** heads out there. That's putting it mildly.

I'm not really sure where I want to start with what I want to say. But I do want to say something. I know what I want to say but not quite sure of the order and how to word it... But I shall try!

I'll start off by saying I am male. I'm a bit of a paradox, sometimes I am little, sometimes grown-up (I'm a switch I suppose you'd call it - only discovered that term pretty recently, like about 2 months ago!) So... I have a little side as well as a caregiver side. I know girls mostly get the harassment. But it's not just the girls, I've had harassment too. I remember having this woman keep messaging me a while back about me submitting to her and she will spank me and punish me and all that. I said sorry, I'm really not into that at all. Which seemed to egg her on - she said she'd punish me and beat me and I will submit to her. Needless to say I just plain ignored it and deleted all messages. That's the only harassment from a female I have to admit, all the other instances have been male. When I first started talking to people in this community, in my teens, I had a guy show off his, er, crotch to me. More recently I've had guys saying they would like to daddy me, wanting to meet up. I have to admit, it's horrible and all of that makes me, as the recipient, feel.... well, dirty. I don't like it!

The thing is... I know beyond a doubt that I've had it very lightly comparing to others. I know that girls get it a jazillion times worse. If anybody dares to have the words "girl" or "female" in their profile, they will be hit upon and preyed upon. That makes me a) feel ashamed to be part of this community, b) makes me genuinely worried for the vulnerable people in this community. I know this site and others like it don't allow underage people, but occasionally they slip the net and my goodness I worry like hell about the likes of some of those nasties getting to them. And there are people who are vulnerable through mental health and emotional problems too. And you know what, from a purely selfish point of view... c) it makes me feel really sad that people like that make it difficult for the less pushy among us to make friends (or more).

I think what you say about this sort of behaviour in real life being unacceptable is right. This is NOT about how a dom should act.... this is about how a human being should act towards another human being. Doesn't matter if you're a dom, sub, ab, little, middle or somebody who eats your own bogeys or even a glee watcher - there are boundaries. You get to know somebody first, talk to them like a person, find out their likes and dislikes - and if both parties are consenting, then - and only then - can you progress onto something further.

Hope you don't mind me having my little rant. It's just my opinion. I really hope in the future you have a better experience. I think I'd say if somebody immediately starts trying to be 'daddy' without getting to know you first, without trying to find out what you like and dislike and they don't wait for you to say it's okay first, then they probably aren't right and don't have the respect for you that you need and deserve. Anybody who is worth it will really, really try to get to know you first and will be really patient and will wait for feelings on both sides to be 100% reciprocal. Hope what I've said makes sense.

[coastaldaddy60]

Sadly, there are as many fake 'Daddy's' out there, as there are fake 'Little's'. Beyond that, while there are some similarities between DD/lg and BeDeeSeM...they are two completely species. Many so called 'Daddy's' feel that BeDeeSeM is a what their 'Little' is looking for...guess again. Little's need structure, guidance, consistency and patience...they don't need to be beaten! With that said, many "Little's' are misguided in that they themselves aren't true 'Little's' at all...so the problem is magnified. Personally, I would like to see the DD/lg community distance itself from the BeDeeSeM community completely; I don't think they play together well. Just my thoughts and opinions!

Please don't let a few bad, or simply misguided and uninformed individuals, ruin what is a wonderful lifestyle. Go slow, and really make sure the 'Daddy' you're speaking with, possesses the knowledge, aptitude and feelings of a Daddy before you venture in too deep. Anyone wanting nudie pics and sex talk from the beginning, isn't the one you need in your life.

Good luck, and stay Little:)