Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Forum rules
This NOT an area for personal ads!
User avatar
Rosetta
Posts: 86
Joined: 11 months ago
Rank: * Site Supporter *
Role: Little girl

Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby Rosetta » 11 months ago

Yet again I was reading some stuff somewhere about DDlg and I came accross yet ANOTHER post about a little having their dd magically vanish.
I've come across too many of these posts and I am totally not understanding what and how this can happen. I've seen finally enough of them to make a post about this "concept".

This last post was about a girl that started off as boyfriend and girlfriend and HE introduced ddlg to her. According to her, they had never felt closer, not had any fights and then one day she came home and all his things were gone and he'd left.
I don't understand. Why does this happen?
I've seen so so many posts of this happening I really would LOVE for someone to explain me what goes on mentally in the mind of this DD to do this - mind you i will NOT judge, I really just am trying to understand the psychology behind this!

The first place is ddlg that i hear about this. Vanilla relationships you hear about long lasting fights and all that jazz before people break up. Dom/sub or Master/slave relationships seem to have long talks before deciding to part ways.
And so I thought with DDlg the latter would be also the case.

It is a hard to grasp concept that in such a "deep" relationship connection partners can not feel free to really convey their feelings, even if they have started the connection as a vanilla couple before (where their same little partner could "show" their maturity to handle such topics for sure).
I personally could not imagine this happen to me (as i'm sure noone can) and the thought of being totally great with one's partner and then the next day they are gone is pretty crazy.

So here are some questions I have so we might get to the bottom of this phenomenon:
(I'm sorry if these are very emotional topics to talk about but be aware you don't have to if it will just make you sad to talk about it. Although sharing your personal experiences might be good to let things off your chest..)
-Littles who have had this happen: What did you do afterwards, could you still contact him over phone/email, talk to him? To which extend did he block you? How did this whole thing happen where he really left you just like that, do you remember what you did right before?
-DD/CG: Could you come up with potential feelings/reasons why it could be imaginable to do this kind of thing? Could you imagine you being in this position and why not/yes?
-DD/CG that have done this before: What made you do this? Why did you believe at the time that this was the best way of handling things? How do you feel regarding this now? Would you take the same approach now (why?)? Was it hard for you? How was the time before this going, and how was the time for you afterwards? Did you have trouble not contacting your Little (ex) or contacting them (but it didnt work?)?


Thanks!

** I do understand this is a VERY sensitive topic that brings with it a lot of hurt probably. I want to make CLEAR that this is aimed at a SAFE space for discussion and sharing: WITH NO JUDGEMENT. I really would like to hear the DD/CG side but this is not realistic if everyone jumps on them and tosses blames/hurt feelings around. I would like to create the space to share everyone's stories and experiences, free of judgement, so that we can try and understand what is really going on, and all benefit from being a more understanding person towards also those who hurt us. THANKS! **

User avatar
JuneStar
Posts: 285
Joined: 1 year ago
Role: Little girl

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby JuneStar » 11 months ago

It's shocking to me that you haven't heard of this in any other dynamic/relationship. I'm not sure why you're not correlating this situation through many, many vanilla situations.

And, just to throw it out there, you aren't going to get a lot of replies from Daddies/Caregivers who actually did this because--I mean, come on, they would get some hell over being one of "those" types.

DD/lg is often a part of a LDR (Long Distance Relationship). Instant abandonment is relatively common, unfortunately, for LDRs. You don't have to see the person face to face. Ignoring is the equivalent to a face-to-face/in-person relationship getting broken up via text message ("Oh my god, he dumped me through TEXT! He couldn't even see me to break up with me?!"

I had a friend who was dating a guy in-person for months (maybe 3-4 months). He suddenly stopped texting her. He stopped picking up the phone when she called him. When she showed up his house he didn't answer the door even though he was home and she rang the doorbell twice. They were a pretty vanilla couple.

I, myself, have been absolutely ignored by vanilla guys online after thinking sparks were beginning to fly. Never to have messages replied to again despite having wonderful conversations prior. Questioning, "Why? What did I do? What happened?" Nothing happened, is the answer.

I dated a guy in person for a few weeks back when I was in college. Things went nicely. We have really good dates. He made 0 initiative to return my calls though. Why? In the end, he just wasn't looking for something serious. He wanted to go out and have some fun but when it came time to "be a boyfriend" he pulled back by ignoring me and distancing himself.

People ignore another person out of convenience.

They may be embarrassed to say, "Hey, I know we messed around for a week or two and I said I cared about you deeply, but, to be honest, it was just fun times for me and I wasn't serious." Let's face it, you sound like a lollipop saying that to someone and confessing that you were just using them. Humans don't like to admit fault.

They may be afraid to confront the other person out of fear of having to deal with someone crying and fussing. Nobody wants to be yelled at or told they are bad or have to deal with a sobbing mess of a person. This includes times when you are breaking up with someone. Sometimes the person thinks it's better to ignore the person and "they'll get the hint."

And what about the type of person who begs and pleads for you not to leave them? The guilt sets in. Do you continue being with them even though you really don't want to because they've threatened to harm themselves if you don't? It happens. I've seen it happen. I dated a guy that this very thing happened too--"Please don't break up with me! I'll take my whole bottle of sleeping pills if you leave me!"--the guilt of being the reason for someone's injury or death is pretty extreme. Maybe it's just easier to ignore that person in their eyes.

People often also don't want to fess up to their true intentions. If it was just a one night stand, but the girl keeps calling and keeps calling--do you pick up the phone? Most guys don't. He already got her. He did what he wanted. He got his instant gratification. He doesn't want more. He's done. He chooses to just ignore her.

Then, there's the fact that some people enjoy using others and will do the ignore method in hopes that they will later be able to pick up the line, connect with the person again, and get some more instant gratification. It happens.

I also feel like maybe you're seeing this more in the DDlg world because there is a lot of desperation going on. We've been denied expressing our inner-selves. We've had to shut that part off of ourselves. We've had to be someone we feel we aren't truly just to fit in to the "normal" societal mold. We are quick to jump at the chance to...be little and be accepted.

I see it all the time in chat rooms and this is why I stopped chatting often. A person enters the chat room and says, "I'm a single Daddy looking for a cute little. I'll take really good care of you. Message me and let Daddy get to know you." Littles actually bite. They actually message that guy, believing that he is legitimately a caring Daddy Dom who is dead serious and keenly interested in THEM just because they are a little. They jump right in to a scene or Daddy/little conversation--calling him Daddy almost immediately or allowing him to use pet names (kitten, princess, babygirl) right away without fuss. The little instantly thinks--"CONNECTION! He's a Daddy and I'm a little...this HAS to be meant to be!" The Daddy is thinking, "CONNECTION! She's an eager little and I need instant gratification! Yes!"

They talk. She calls him Daddy. He says he'll always be her Daddy. They have a scene. He cums. She feels super cared about and accepted since she has his undivided attention for awhile. They seem to get along and have a good time. They exchange phone numbers to text. He promises to text her the next day. He goes to bed, feeling fulfilled for the evening, and wakes up to go about his normal routine. He got his gratification. It was just a scene for him. It was just playtime. "Obviously if she was serious she wouldn't have been that easy, right?"

I hope this helps shed light for you. I, personally, think it's pretty obvious why so many Daddies ignore littles, but I find that the younger generations seem shocked when it happens. Maybe it's because I have more time under my belt and have dated around for years--both vanilla and kink oriented relationships.

In the end, it's both of the parties faults in many cases. Littles need to be guarded and selective. Daddies need to be upfront with intentions, and at least provide a goodbye when they want to cut ties.

User avatar
Rosetta
Posts: 86
Joined: 11 months ago
Rank: * Site Supporter *
Role: Little girl

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby Rosetta » 11 months ago

Thanks for your reply, Star!

I must point out though that i really really want to keep this topic free from any kind of judgement however small it might be. And i agree a lot with you about that being a very tricky thing because indeed most people will see this thing happening as a "douchey" thing to do... and will judge.
Or will think that the only reason why anyone could do THIS is because they are weak, stupid, whatever other diminishing reason...
But the fact remains is that we don't know.
I have a lot of experience too - i never was good with guys, I was wanted, but somehow people saw me as a "free spirit" which resulted in them treating me like some sort of satisfying side-track to their life. An escape of some sort.
But I knew that I had qualities to offer that not everyone has, and if I could just learn to understand men instead of going down the path of bitterness, giving reasons for their behavior as "cuz they just all stupid MEN!!", i knew that i could infact take my share of happiness in this world.
And yes, I started to observe more. Judge less. And soon, men were openly talking to me. I made guy friends and I learned why certain behaviors go down in certain ways. I learned that men are NOT douchey by nature, they just are different from women. And if we keep judging each other without wanting to learn openly, it's hard to truly connect with someone.
I agree that indeed, connection can't come from being all easy, as I said, "Noone likes to catch floating fish, they are too easy to catch and that's suspicious."
So here I am, posting these questions, attempting to find others in my quest of pure understanding. Hoping that brave daddies and caregivers will share their stories with us, even though hard feelings may arise. I'm sure we can learn something from it. And maybe, learn to also change our point of view, too, to become stronger as well as Littles. Because no side of the slash is perfect. And it is easy to victimize the littles or subs or whatever you wanna call them. But the truth is: Who is the more sane person in the relationship: The DD who just leaves a relationship without saying a thing, or the Little who is threatening to take her life if he leaves her?
Emotional abuse is not a good thing. Breaking up is also not a good thing, but it can't be called emotionally abusive. Every couple does it in their way, and no matter which way we choose, it is ALWAYS going to be hard on people.
It's of course nicer to talk things out first. But sometimes we can't. And I want to respect that, too.

So I am here not to get the basics down of why people break up, or why people shouldn't get together after the first "hello".
I'm here to learn the deeper, more hidden psychological nuances in the brains of people: Why is it that a LONG-LASTING, COMMITTED relationship that was flourishing, gets broken up in the way it did?

Why do people randomly leave relationships like that that were going great, without talking, fighting, without a word?

User avatar
staticxnation
Posts: 5
Joined: 11 months ago
Role: Little boy

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby staticxnation » 11 months ago

What star said was correct. Exactly correct actually. I'll admit to it. I used to be a daddy (now I am a little because of this) and I just left a couple relationships without a word. Why? Because I all I wanted was the satisfaction of having an instant relationship with another girl and have some fun for a few days. After doing that to a couple girls, I regretted it later on. Why did I regret it? Well because it happened to me while having a MD. Everything was going fine and all with my mommy and then she just up and left and blocked me. The pain of having that happen to me sucked. I didn't like it at all. So I thought, "this is how my littles felt when I did this to them". Don't worry though, I am no longer abandoning my littles anymore. I have actually become a little because of this. I realized that maybe being a daddy dom isn't for me if I'm going to do this so i switched to being a little and honestly I enjoy it more and don't want to do what I did with my past littles. So yes, what star said was correct. Just like one night stands, most DDs just want the satisfaction and then leave when satisfied.

User avatar
littlechelsea
Posts: 33
Joined: 11 months ago

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby littlechelsea » 11 months ago

I had something like this myself. Start talking to a daddy and then just one day he peaces out without so much as a goodbye. It's very upseting because you question what it was you did. Were you to clingy? Were you to little for them? Etc etc etc.
☆*:.。.*.。.:*☆ Chelsea ☆*:.。.*.。.:*☆

User avatar
BigPapa
Posts: 51
Joined: 6 months ago
Role: Daddy

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby BigPapa » 6 months ago

Having broken up with more than one person, it's really tough. It takes a long time, and whatever explanations you give are met with resistance. You list the issues and they list how it will change. And then they offer to make some adjustments, but it's never enough. You might end up spending days or months back together, going over the same issues you had before. With a submissive, especially. A good sub has spent time becoming everything the Dom wanted. If that's not what's actually good for the two of them, it's an impossible problem.
I'm not trying to justify ghosting, but I can understand why some people would think it's a better idea than a face to face breakup.

User avatar
PetPapa
Posts: 12
Joined: 6 months ago
Role: Caregiver

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby PetPapa » 6 months ago

I personally can't comprehend the mindset one must have to abandon someone. I've had a little just run off from me however and they simply blocked/ignored me and sent me a message about how they'd found another, better Daddy, and it wasn't my fault, etc. :/

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk

Drtygrl
Posts: 2
Joined: 6 months ago
Role: Little girl

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby Drtygrl » 6 months ago

I can understand some of these replies on newer relationships, albeit, I still think it's a poopy thing to do to just ghost without telling someone why....but why did my daddy just disappear on me? He introduced me to this whole lifestyle. We were together a whole year, he always made comments about the future helping me pick out everything from my clothes to my major in college. Then suddenly he stops answering my texts or calls. What gives in that type of situation? It would suck if he didn't want to be with me anymore, but I'd like to think that if I knew why it would be easier. How do you get over a ddlg relationship? It's so much more entwined on many levels than any vanilla relationship I've ever had.

User avatar
BigPapa
Posts: 51
Joined: 6 months ago
Role: Daddy

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby BigPapa » 6 months ago

Broken hearts suck. Ultimately, the only person who knows why he ghosted is him.
Whatever answer he isn't giving you won't make you any more ready to face the world or make it hurt less. It's obviously hard for him to talk about, which means it's probably personal, too. And with a relationship of a year, it's probably not just one thing.

His disappearing is not a reflection on you, or your worth. It's not a sign you did anything wrong, or need to change. It's one person's decision about their own life. Remind yourself it isn't personal.

User avatar
SallyMander
Posts: 9
Joined: 6 months ago
Role: Little girl

Re: Dissappearing Daddies - Daddy Dom Perspective

Postby SallyMander » 6 months ago

I don't even HAVE a Daddy yet and I'm worried about him leaving already!
However, my healthy self esteem will probably help me and like BigPapa said...it wouldn't be personal.


Return to “Ask a Caregiver”

Littlespace Online : 
IMPORTANT RULE FOR ACCESSING OUR COMMUNITY SITE!