Being a little not into BDSM

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SweetYoungPrince
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Being a little not into BDSM

Postby SweetYoungPrince » 7 months ago

Something I was a bit curious about since I am very new to all of this. I often see this whole community lumped into the BDSM category, but for me it doesn't seem to fit and I sometimes feel out of place because of that. I love the aspect of a Mommy/Little dynamic and enjoy ageplaying but when I think of BDSM I always imagine some powerplay involved, there is someone in control, and someone being controlled and I don't know if I am just too narrowly defining BDSM or if I don't fit in that. I have nothing against it by any means but I don't really feel it's me.

For me I want a calming, attentive, and nurturing influence, someone who will share this dynamic with me, and the concepts of punishments, strictness, dommes, and all that just kinda intimidate me to be honest. I know there's a softer side to the BDSM lifestyle but in my case there's not really any darker side.

I am just kind of curious to get other people's perspective on this and if I really fit in here. I'd love to hear from other littles or caregivers who aren't really inclined towards those darker aspects of BDSM that I spoke of and prefer a different more nurturing approach?

Kiwi
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby Kiwi » 7 months ago

I'm a bit new to this as well, and I'm not all too much into the BDSM sphere, but I love the attentive and loving aspect as well

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pastelpunkprettyboy
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby pastelpunkprettyboy » 7 months ago

So, BDSM is BDSM regardless of the context. There IS a power dynamic involved in CGl. There is the Caregiver, who is (often) a Dominant (though Sub CGs exist as well as Dom Littles). Just because there isn't any rope play, blood play, or more "dark" play themes going on does not change the fact that CGl is still BDSM. It's why Mommy Domme and Daddy Dom are standard honorifics in CGl.

Remember, BDSM is:
BD: Bondage and Dominance
DS: Dominant/submissive
SM: Sadism and Masochism

You may not observe Bondage, Sadism, or Masochism in YOUR relationship of CGl, but there is STILL A Dominance, and general outline of Dominant and Submissive (someone being the Little and someone being the Caregiver, Big Sibling, Aunt/Uncle, Babysitter, or Mentor).

BDSM is much like an ice cream shoppe. You can add all the toppings you want, but at the base of it all, it's still ice cream. Toppings of course being kinks and adult interests, and BDSM being ice cream.

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KillerCutie
 
 
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby KillerCutie » 6 months ago

I can't say I agree, pastel.
There doesn't need to be a dom or sub at all in cgl :) You say a caregiver can be a dom OR a sub, so why can't they just be... oh, you know, neither? I'm not submissive nor dominant and I'm still interested in cgl and clearly I'm not the only one, so what would you have us say? Which part are we wrong about, not caring for bdsm or liking cgl? Because from your stance, those 2 things can't possibly co exist!
And just because it's common for caregivers to be doms, leading to the "daddy dom" etc thing, doesn't mean it cancels out all other possibilities... I mean you state yourself that they can be subs... so once again why can't they just be neither?

Honestly, there are always going to be lots of different types of people that are into cg/l stuff. While it is commonly associated with bdsm, it can stand independent of that, too. Especially as it grows over time I hope to see our horizons expanding vastly~ :{D I just think it's silly to go round enforcing regulations on something like this.

Additionally, being "little" of itself I strongly believe is just a character trait that individuals just... have... completely separate of anything else. You can be little and not interested in bdsm, you can be little and not even interested in cgl, little is just the way you are! Has nothing to do with how you handle your relationships. And why shouldn't being a caregiver be the same? :)

And going back to pastel's analogy, if bdsm is an ice cream shop, some people take their ice cream with sprinkles and a flake on top, and maybe some chocolate sauce too, yes! But maybe CGL is the flake, and there are certainly people who'd rather just eat the flake on its own ;)

So don't worry about it, SweetYoungPrince and anyone else, just be comfortable with what you -do- like and don't let anyone tell you you're wrong or anything for being that way!

We should just be an accepting and inclusive community, guys, and if anyone is being a butt to you about it, forget them, they aint worth your precious time ♥

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KingBaloo26
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby KingBaloo26 » 6 months ago

KillerCutie wrote:Additionally, being "little" of itself I strongly believe is just a character trait that individuals just... have... completely separate of anything else. You can be little and not interested in bdsm, you can be little and not even interested in cgl, little is just the way you are! Has nothing to do with how you handle your relationships.


I've never thought of the answer to the OP question in this way, but this is really interesting.

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Rosetta
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby Rosetta » 6 months ago

pastelpunkprettyboy wrote:So, BDSM is BDSM regardless of the context. There IS a power dynamic involved in CGl. There is the Caregiver, who is (often) a Dominant (though Sub CGs exist as well as Dom Littles). Just because there isn't any rope play, blood play, or more "dark" play themes going on does not change the fact that CGl is still BDSM. It's why Mommy Domme and Daddy Dom are standard honorifics in CGl.

Remember, BDSM is:
BD: Bondage and Dominance
DS: Dominant/submissive
SM: Sadism and Masochism

You may not observe Bondage, Sadism, or Masochism in YOUR relationship of CGl, but there is STILL A Dominance, and general outline of Dominant and Submissive (someone being the Little and someone being the Caregiver, Big Sibling, Aunt/Uncle, Babysitter, or Mentor).

BDSM is much like an ice cream shoppe. You can add all the toppings you want, but at the base of it all, it's still ice cream. Toppings of course being kinks and adult interests, and BDSM being ice cream.



Entirely this. I don't think a DD/LG or any kind of CG/LP dynamic is functional when neither of them are in control/taking charge/guiding things in the right direction while ageplaying/doing your stuff. So no matter how you turn it, there IS a powerexchange going on. Maybe not one that is strict or punishing, but nevertheless a powerexchange of some sort, where you have one person in charge and the other person following/getting in trouble or whatever.

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pastelpunkprettyboy
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby pastelpunkprettyboy » 6 months ago

KillerCutie wrote:I can't say I agree, pastel.
There doesn't need to be a dom or sub at all in cgl :) You say a caregiver can be a dom OR a sub, so why can't they just be... oh, you know, neither? I'm not submissive nor dominant and I'm still interested in cgl and clearly I'm not the only one, so what would you have us say? Which part are we wrong about, not caring for bdsm or liking cgl? Because from your stance, those 2 things can't possibly co exist!
And just because it's common for caregivers to be doms, leading to the "daddy dom" etc thing, doesn't mean it cancels out all other possibilities... I mean you state yourself that they can be subs... so once again why can't they just be neither?

Honestly, there are always going to be lots of different types of people that are into cg/l stuff. While it is commonly associated with bdsm, it can stand independent of that, too. Especially as it grows over time I hope to see our horizons expanding vastly~ :{D I just think it's silly to go round enforcing regulations on something like this.

Additionally, being "little" of itself I strongly believe is just a character trait that individuals just... have... completely separate of anything else. You can be little and not interested in bdsm, you can be little and not even interested in cgl, little is just the way you are! Has nothing to do with how you handle your relationships. And why shouldn't being a caregiver be the same? :)



Except that CGl can not exist without BDSM. The whole point of CGl is a Dominant/sub power control dynamic. One is in charge (no matter what position they fill be it a Caregiver or a Little) and one is not. Someone has to make the rules and someone has to follow the rules. Saying that CGl can exist without those is just... That's how we get floods of minors trying to involve themselves in something that they can't participate in. Because someone says, "no no no! this isn't BDSM! it's little space!" There's being a Little, and there's being childish. And I'm not saying being childish is bad! It isn't! But Little Space and BDSM go hand in hand. There's no avoiding it. You can separate yourself from all the "icky" bits of BDSM, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that Little Space is BDSM.

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KillerCutie
 
 
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby KillerCutie » 6 months ago

That's your outlook. And it's a narrow one. I don't believe you or anyone else here can say what "the whole point" of cgl is, or that it "can't exist" without this or that. It's an idea entertained by many different people, it will always come in different forms and it will always change. It's not a tangible thing with set laws that never waver. Heck, even tangible things can be changed with human hands and minds.
I'll repeat myself again, but, people like me are proof that cgl can exist outside of bdsm, because I have. no. interest. in it - and I'm liking it less and less the more I have to explain that, lol. So tell me, where am I wrong? Delusional? Are you going to tell me I'm not a little then? You've already insinuated as much and called me childish for not being interested in bdsm. Perhaps we should just leave, then. Start our own "cool kids club"
... you know, whatever, there's no point explaining this again, just wastin' time.

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pastelpunkprettyboy
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby pastelpunkprettyboy » 6 months ago

KillerCutie wrote:That's your outlook. And it's a narrow one. I don't believe you or anyone else here can say what "the whole point" of cgl is, or that it "can't exist" without this or that. It's an idea entertained by many different people, it will always come in different forms and it will always change. It's not a tangible thing with set laws that never waver. Heck, even tangible things can be changed with human hands and minds.
I'll repeat myself again, but, people like me are proof that cgl can exist outside of bdsm, because I have. no. interest. in it - and I'm liking it less and less the more I have to explain that, lol. So tell me, where am I wrong? Delusional? Are you going to tell me I'm not a little then? You've already insinuated as much and called me childish for not being interested in bdsm. Perhaps we should just leave, then. Start our own "cool kids club"
... you know, whatever, there's no point explaining this again, just wastin' time.


You are putting words in my mouth. I never insinuated that you were not a Little or that you were childish because you're not interested in BDSM. If that was what you read into, I'm sorry. It was not my intent. But you in your reply even agreed to my analogy. There was no disagreement that at the base of it all, it's BDSM. Is it a "softer" BDSM? Sure, it can be. But there is a power dynamic, no argument. Even if there is no punishment, no sensual aspect, nothing like that, there is someone in charge and someone not in charge. Whether it is constant or not is totally up to the people in the relationship. If the power dynamic does not exist, all you have is ageplay, which is still totally fine! Ageplay and CGl is much like the "all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares". CGl is ageplay, but ageplay is not CGl.

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KillerCutie
 
 
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Re: Being a little not into BDSM

Postby KillerCutie » 6 months ago

No, see, everything I've said is that there does not have to be someone who is in charge and someone who is not.
At least, not in a bdsm sense. Because there are "power dynamics" in literally every relationship you have with anyone you meet ever. Does that make it all bdsm? Nope. Being a dom or a sub to someone is a concious thing, a decision you have to make and consent to, and all that jazz.
So if a caregiver and a little choose not to employ sub/dom status, they are... ... ... still a cg&l.
And the relation to ageplay is not just as you say it is, but like everything, it is complicated and different people will have varying definitions. A lot of people I see though believe the important difference is that ageplay is, as suggested by the title, just an assumed character or role for however long, whilst being little is just the way they are, without the concious attempt to "be" a person of a certain age. And yes, not all ageplay is cgl... but some cgl includes ageplay and some does not. It's just like the bdsm thing, you can't tell someone they are/do/like something, if they say otherwise. If a little says they don't do ageplay, they don't do ageplay. If a cgl couple says they don't do bdsm, they don't do bdsm. Even admin has stated this under the Lifestyle Information post, along with other pretty relevant points: Not all of these dynamics include domination, submissiveness, or BDSM situations though!

So yes, Cgl is heavily linked to bdsm, we all know it! But that does not mean it purely and simply is bdsm. It can and does exist outside of it too. Or I wouldn't be here once again wasting my time in hopes of some recognition.


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