Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs and careers?

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olivine
Posts: 11
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Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs and careers?

Postby olivine » 6 months ago

So I am just getting into cg/l and I like it from the attention aspect because past relationships never gave me the right amount. But I thought cg/l was like a normal relationship expect me being the childish me is more acceptable. It's weird when I just want to get to know people and in the first five messages they tell me their occupation. Why do cgs do that? I didn't talk to you because of your job, I did it because I find you interesting and want to know more about you in order to determine if we are compatible. Is it cause cgs find gold digger littles or they feel they have to provide only financially for their little? I don't get it and it's makes me angry because I'm not that type of person. :derp:
hai bebe ::3:

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JuneStar
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Re: sorry, but why do cgs do this?

Postby JuneStar » 6 months ago

Uh...I'm sorry but...what? Really? You're kidding?

I am guessing that you absolutely must be freshly-turned 18 and still living with (or are primarily financially supported by) your biological parent(s).

As an adult, your occupation is a very large portion of your daily life. It is scheduled and something that you need to adhere to because so much of your life depends on it. It sometimes has strict policies that involve communication (or lack of ability to communicate) to loved ones. It also dictates many things like daily routines, sleeping schedules, the ability to travel or vacation, holiday availability, and, you know, finances. It also heavily impacts most peoples' mental health (i.e. happiness level), personal growth, and future aspirations.

Responsibilities such as bills also heavily depend on a person's occupation. The ability to have and support biological children or a family is also often related to financial independence and stability.

I would be extremely worried if a Caregiver didn't tell you about their job/what they do for a living. It's a very large portion of getting to know someone, and it often lets you know where a person is in their financial stability. It's a very large aspect of who someone is because their lives are often heavily impacted by work in some way, shape, or form.

I find it odd that you don't see any of this and have no interest in actually getting to know your partner. Their work is important to their happiness, their ability to live an independent adult life, and to potentially gift items to someone special in their life.
(I mean, you don't have to expect to be financially supported to enjoy getting a nice little gift--even like a stuffed animal--every once in awhile. Do you think someone with a part-time, minimum wage job will have the extra $20 to blow on a stuffed animal when important things like car payments, electricity bills, water bills, rent agreements, and groceries are needed to be taken care of consistently?)

Think of it this way:

If your Caregiver works a job that means they are unable to focus on communicating with you for 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, and they are not in town for that time period that it can be the 'deal breaker' of the relationship.

The same goes for things like stress-level. If they are very stressed at work then it's your responsibility as a partner to help their mental state and reduce stress level. It would be very important how much of that you're expected to generally do.

In short:

Just because you act like a little doesn't mean you're actually a child. Adult responsibilities of your Caregiver should be immensely important to you because it heavily impacts who they are, what they can do, and how they feel about their life. You should be very interested in hearing about your partner's career growth and aspirations! It is VERY much a part of who they are and/or who they want to be!

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Rosetta
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby Rosetta » 6 months ago

Yes, exactly what star said, it is also important to know how your partner feels about their job and which place it takes in their life. A person who studied 7 years to become what they are (or more) will not easily give up their career and so you can expect that their job will come first AT ALL TIMES. If you are with a medical doctor and you are having a little crisis? Tough luck if he gets called in.

A job is not just something you do to estimate how much money your potential partner has. And you wont need to have that income-conversation anyway till the point you plan on moving in together. A job is something that your partner has thought about since they first got asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?", have picked certain college classes and gotten certain grades they worked hard for at high school, all in the end to graduate and then apply to businesses in hopes to get there. And they might still be in this process, which takes up a lot of space in someones mind. A partner that isn't sure of their "purpose" in society will not be sure of themselves, nor about you. And you will notice very much if this is the case, or if they are not happy with what they are doing with their life.

Their job is what gives someone purpose. Knowing which kind of purpose your partner wants to have, what they want to achieve in their life is the biggest thing when getting to know someone.

olivine
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby olivine » 6 months ago

I'm 22, and in school and if I had a partner and no amount of work would break my relationship. If the first two messages of our conversation is hi and the third is me asking you how are you the fourth is that you are fine and the fifth is you telling me your financial situation I find that wrong. I am not the type of person to ask your income in our first conversation it seems super weird. maybe in the fifth or third if I liked you but not the first one. I don't want to know your income before I get to know you as a person because your income should only effect our relationship if we are moving in together. And I don't like nor want a 20 dollar stuffie. One of my partners shirt with their scent on it has more meaning to me than a stuffie.
hai bebe ::3:

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Rosetta
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby Rosetta » 6 months ago

olivine wrote: It's weird when I just want to get to know people and in the first five messages they tell me their occupation. I didn't talk to you because of your job,


VS

olivine wrote:... and the fifth is you telling me your financial situation I find that wrong. I am not the type of person to ask your income in our first conversation it seems super weird. maybe in the fifth or third if I liked you but not the first one.


(maybe reread our replies again to see what was really meant and how it answers what you just said. Also note: what you said in your second post is slightly contradictory ;)

olivine
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby olivine » 6 months ago

It isn't contradicting in any way. And I read your brat replies and they are distasteful. I said five messages and one conversation. I count one conversation being over when the messages end for either of us to go to bed or work not by per message. You would know that if you knew how I counted conversations but you didn't because you assumed instead of ask. But great job Nancy.. oh wait Nancy Drew wouldn't be wrong, never mind.
hai bebe ::3:

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KingBaloo26
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby KingBaloo26 » 6 months ago

My little doesn't know my full financial situation. If she asks I'll tell her or else she'll figure it out through osmosis. But I know she likes me for me and that's most important. And ironically, that makes her the one I want to spoil.

I never talked about my job voluntarily to a potential partner for two reasons. First, I'd just much rather talk about something else; and second, I didn't want the girl to get some idea that I was bragging to her about my job title.

If it's not proceeded by the question, "so what do you do?", talking about your job off the bat seems a bit strange to me. I mean, if you're getting to know each other that question will come up, so just wait for it.

Someone who brags about their job/financial situation is either a) full of crap and trying to sell you, b) unsure of their own self worth (which is obviously forgivable), or c) a jerk. The good ones don't brag or even voluntarily talk about it, but let their reputation (and other people) speak for them.

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JuneStar
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby JuneStar » 6 months ago

Well, for one, my comment was not said in a distasteful, bratty tone but yours sure was! How incredibly rude.

I honestly don't know how, as an adult, you can have a close, healthy, long-term relationship with someone without telling them about what you do for a living.

It isn't bragging. It's telling them about your daily life, your other obligations, and where you generally are in your life.

"I work a part-time job of about 15 hours a week at a fast-food place for minimum wage."

Gives the person an idea--okay, my partner is likely going to be changing careers within the next year or two. They either have a lot of free-time or they are doing something else like going to school. They don't have much disposable income so they may feel stressed about bills or feel a tad inadequate in a relationship because of their lack of ability to buy gifts (for holiday, birthdays, etc.--not necessarily to spoil their partner). (Also, just to bring it to your attention...some people, like myself, ENJOY giving gifts to loved ones because we WANT to do that sometimes out of love and kindness.) They may live with assistance (parents financial assistance, state assistance for housing, food assistance, or even live with a parent/relative/friend).

"I work a job that keeps me away for 6 days a week. I work about 60-80 hours a week, but I enjoy what I do and make a decent living."

Gives the person an idea that their partner may be settled into their career for at least the next few years. They may not be thinking for long-term commitments like engagements, marriage, or children. They are gone a lot and, as their partner, you need to be secure, stable, and somewhat independent from their emotional support.
Since they're pleased with their job then they likely aren't very stressed over it and can decently relax in their downtime after work and on their day off.

This is all related to things like:

"I am currently going to college full-time and majoring in XYZ field."

Would you honestly not want someone to tell you they're going to college? It's the same thing. They aren't flaunting it. They aren't saying, "Look at how much money I have!" or, "I can spoil you financially!" They are literally just saying, "This is where I am in my life right now, just so you know what's going on with me on my end of things."

Honestly, I think if you AREN'T telling your partner about your job then you can't be serious about your commitment to them. As an adult your job tells a lot about your current life/lifestyle and potential future ambitions. In my opinion, you are failing your partner by keeping that important aspect of yourself apart from your relationship because you aren't being a real person to them.

And, no, long-distance, non-serious online commitments I guess might not involve needing to divulge things about your personal life like your career/job. I guess I am thinking of all of this at a real (in-person or long-distance), serious relationship where both parties are wanting to actually build something that lasts for years versus in-the-moment. Maybe you're just talking about short-term DDLG play or something, but my entire perspective and answer to this relates to long-term commitment between two adults--not quick online flings, high-school type relationships, or twisty fuckbuddies.

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KingBaloo26
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Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby KingBaloo26 » 6 months ago

Oh, I completely agree that those deep conversations are all important to have in any relationship that looks like it could be serious. But those are not conversations I would initiate myself within the first day or two of meeting someone, which is what I think the OP was addressing. 

Obviously anyone you are in a relationship with is going to know how much money you make, even if you don't tell them they will be able to guess unless you're being purposefully deceptive. I'm not sure that it's necessary to disclose the extent of your savings or the size of your investment portfolio as soon as you enter a relationship though.

olivine
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Role: Little

Re: Why do Caregivers talk about their jobs?

Postby olivine » 6 months ago

Baloo gets it!
KingBaloo26 wrote:Oh, I completely agree that those deep conversations are all important to have in any relationship that looks like it could be serious. But those are not conversations I would initiate myself within the first day or two of meeting someone, which is what I think the OP was addressing. 

Obviously anyone you are in a relationship with is going to know how much money you make, even if you don't tell them they will be able to guess unless you're being purposefully deceptive. I'm not sure that it's necessary to disclose the extent of your savings or the size of your investment portfolio as soon as you enter a relationship though.

If I don't know you, aren't dating you then there is no earthly reason why I should care or ask about your occupation in the slightest. Even in a "in person" situation there is no way in hell I'd ask someone for their income. Do you know how awkward that would be?
hai bebe ::3:


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