[Hoodiedebt]

I’m new and my little is kinda antisocial and what I mean when I say that is that they aren’t really good with anything but yes or no questions and im not sure what to ask im doing my darndest to praise or otherwise but I don’t have a good vocab for that type of thing and I said I felt stupid because I can’t think of any other words to describe how cute they are and soon regretted it because it made them upset and they thought it was their fault I felt stupid, im trying really hard to get this down and im really struggling it feels like whatever I try is rong but I wanna do this because it helps them cope with life. Can someone plz give advice

[Deleted User 73026]

I think some of the best ideas is to find pet names and work on those -- what images and features to they have that are also reflected in cute animals? What kinds of feelings well up inside of you when you think of them? Praising someone doesn't always have to be a way of saying how cute they are, it can be so many more things.

Pet names, taking a moment and just saying thank you for making my heart flutter, and when feeling particularly anti-social just sitting there and being alongside them, even in the same room just existing together even if playing two separate games -- all of these are ways of saying how much you value them, albeit some being non-verbal and just proximity comforting.

[Deleted User 70612]

Giving a sweet treat like a sucker or piece of candy even a sticker can show them you care and that you see they are doing a good job. Also fix a favor meal or do a movie night with popcorn and let them pick the movie. Its the little things that show you care. Also you can write notes on sticky notes like good job, excellent today and place them on things for them to find. It doesn't have to be big or you speaking.

[kikicakes]

I think that it's great that you're reaching out to others for advice as a caregiver. Since we don't know much about you or your little I'm just wondering somethings. You said that your little is anti-social with mostly yes/no answers. Don't know their little age, but is it possible that their little age is much younger than you both realize? How long have they known they have been a little, and/or are you their first caregiver? Maybe they are just shy/embarrassed about revealing more of their personality to you? For me personally it took me years to become comfortable with revealing my little side to anyone in person. If they are shy/embarrassed it's just going to take time just continue to be patient. They will appreciate your patience with them, and you will be rewarded for your patience.

In the meantime maybe trying to figure out their love language. You should focus on all of them, but what is the primary way they feel cared for...do they love physical touch? (give them lots of cuddles and forehead kisses); do they love acts of service? (tie their shoes for them and cut the food on their plate into bit size pieces); is it words of affirmation (as @TommyTotadin TommyTotadin said give them petnames or what @Moondust said post sticky notes for them. Is it gifts? do they totally light up when you give them something? give them a candy every once in a while like previously mentioned or surprise with a new stuffie. Or maybe it's just quality time they need from you, so try to do activities you both enjoy frequently together. Wishing you both the best!

[Hoodiedebt]

Thank you everyone truth is they have they have and the ones in the past weren’t good including me, I was a past caretaker and I was extremely toxic I didn’t do research or take it seriously I didn’t even hear about it till I met them I don’t wish to go into detail but I wasn’t a good one in fact I wouldn’t say I could’ve been considered one but we stayed in contact and recently started being little around me again, so me trying to be a better human being than I was 2 or 3 years ago , do to me making them upset cause I felt stupid and they felt it was they’re fault I did research , it wasn’t untill I desperately tried to search for info on the enternet and found this site after I posted, I read @Moondust and they’re daddy’s post about rules I do consider myself new and am now trying to figure this out at this point it is important to me and I now relise how big of a responsibility it can be so thank you for the help sane safe and consensual are basically law going forward we sat down and looked at rules and nicknames as well as rewards and before I saw the post I did ask about candy but they said that would make they’re tummy hurt so we decided on other thing I’ll probably be a regular here if I run into something I don’t understand or know about so plz continue to help me through this journey

[Deleted User 70612]

You can find me and my daddy in main chat most days if you have any questions we will try our best to help answer questions. Also we are happy that our post is helping someone out there.

[GentleStuff]

@Hoodiedebt

It sounds like you're not feeling very sure of yourself. The ways you describe yourself are quite harsh. I understand you haven't handled this well in the past but there's no reason you can't learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. It seems like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I read something in a book once... loosely paraphrased: "Applying pressure is the fastest way to kill joy, curiosity, and excitement." I think they were applying this to physically intimate intimacy, but I think you can apply this to any part of any intimate connection.

I firmly believe that a caregiver of any kind's first priority is to themselves so that we can provide more wholehearted care to the people we care about. Look at how harsh you're being towards yourself. Would you be this harsh towards your little? It sounds like you've made mistakes in the past and have some pretty big regrets, but give yourself some allowance to be new to this. You're figuring out what works for you and so is she. You'll likely make some mistakes and that's okay. It seems like she's sensitive to how you feel about yourself in the moment, which is normal for most people in an intimate relationship.

Take a breather, give yourself space and grace and you may find that the residual effect trickles down into your relationship. Finding a sense of internal peace means we can offer that peace as a gift to those closest to us. There's been a lot of great suggestions in this thread, but don't forget yourself in this either. You're worth the same loving kindness you want to give her.