Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
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#59132
My spouse wants to live a fantasy life and nothing short of it will suffice. I feel used and taken advantage of by giving my all and pouring my heart into setting up a life that had constant caregiving and regressing as daily staples. A couple of days ago I caught my Little/partner cheating with a Daddy person. They covered it up and lied to my face about it when I asked them directly. They’ve, obviously, now confessed to cheating after I saw the evidence clearly. My heart has been completely shattered.

They say it’s like an addiction and that they’re always seeking more and more. They say they’ll go to therapy and work on this, but I know this has been a recurring issue from the start of our relationship, 5-6 years ago. They have stated before that being a Little is a very core part of who they are. Now they’re saying it’s tied to some emotional addiction or something.

We found that it appears similar to how this sexaholic condition is described on this page: https://www.sa.org/solution/

And some sort of fantasy addiction as described here: https://slaavirtual.org/fantasy-addicti ... -addiction

If it is addiction it feels like I’m a casual user while they’re an addict then. I feel like what we’ve done has been very fulfilling to me and that I’ve always put my all into cherishing and encouraging their regressive expressions. They feel like they’re perpetually missing something bigger and more grand and, simply, that nothing has ever been deep enough to satisfy them.

But I don’t know if this even makes sense much less be something that can be worked through.

They’ve had the AB dreamlife reality. I’ve been “Mommy” for the entirety of our relationship. All of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, always hand holding, diapers (not shying away from wet/messy usage either), buying them gifts, nursing/breastfeeding even if I’m raw, bottle feeding, spoon feeding, cuddles, snuggles, animated movie collection, dedicated immersive times, bedroom acts 5 nights a week where they receive with not having to give back (years of me not getting physical affections back), a Littles wardrobe, treating them more like a beloved and cherished child than matured man…

I recognize that I could’ve communicated better by being more aware of my own feelings as all of this progressed and shoved me deeper into a depression that I’ve experienced the last couple of years. I ignored those feelings and hoped it’d just go away if I got to become “good enough” with my Mommy identity.

Their fantasies revolves around them in a situation where their physical needs were met by an emotionless person who had no needs or desires of their own. They didn’t strive to be “emotionally loved”, but sought to be “taken care of”. It always confused me and I never pushed to figure it out. I should have pushed to discuss this deeper and determined that was something I just couldn’t be before we committed to one another. I don’t know why I just let it go as if it was not important. The warning signs were everywhere.

If they said they wanted to do it or try something then we did it. If they wanted me to do something I did it. If they wanted something I bought it. My world revolved around them. I always prioritized them over myself and accepted the emotional abandonment from them as deserved.

It was just never enough.

I was just not good enough.

Any advice at all?
 ! Message from: Motherly
The update: viewtopic.php?f=177&t=29558&p=59397#p59397
#59135
Relationships are give and take, regardless of the dynamics they're based upon. It sounds like they're also not respecting you as a partner or your needs, which is a toxic and unhealthy way to connect to someone, regardless of your circumstances, and cheating on you is not acceptable under any circumstance.

I think that you've got two real options, you can either try to move forward with your partner, and if you do, remember that a relationship is a compromise, not a one way street, you can't give everything of yourself to satiate your partner, especially if your needs and feelings are not reciprocated on. But based on what you've said that this has been a consistent root issue, and if that's the case I think a lot of work is going to need to be done in order to find a proper balance of needs. And top priority should be communication, transparency, and being able to trust.

Your other option is to try to move on to a less toxic situation, which is hard, but with the right support structure will lead you to a more fulfilling relationship and life moving forward, and this place seems like a prefect start to try to heal that wound and help move on.

But regardless of what you do, from what you've said it's not on you to give everything of yourself for them. Relationships are about people sharing themselves to come together to make each other stronger, not to drain the other of all they are and then some, that's parasitism.
#59137
I want to start by saying this, cheating is wrong and you aren't at fault for it; However I don't simply want to leave it as a generic blanket statement, I want to explain why. Relationships are about communication, regardless of dynamics. When a party has an issue in a healthy relationship they will discuss the issue and bring to light what is wrong or lacking. It is not your job to read your partner's mind, they are meant to discuss when they are unsatisfied, discuss when something can be changed, and most importantly they are meant to talk to you when they want to move on or see additional people.

Now you may not have liked the idea of him seeing additional people, and that's fine.
Relationships are a give-and-take, sometimes you can't have everything you want in a relationship.
Honestly, it sounds like you gave him the world and he wasn't willing to give anything for it, he wanted his pie and to eat it as well. Forgive me for sounding harsh, but he could have dealt with it, any good little would have been willing to simply not cheat for the sake of the happiness of their partner. Ultimately that's what I wanted to say in this section, it's also about your happiness, and the fact that they were simply not willing to not see other people for your sake shows a lot about how much they cared for you.

Finally, I want to say this, it's painfully obvious that you're a good mommy.
I've had trouble finding a partner who's been willing to try out the dynamic for an hour a day for a single week, much less full-time for 6 years. I'm jealous, more jealous than I've ever been of literally anyone, and I'm not a particularly jealous person. I'm actually enraged at the idea that they would risk giving up someone like you for a second partner. Seriously, how entitled does someone have to
be in order to think they not only deserve someone like you but someone else in addition to you? It's pathetic, and I really don't want you blaming yourself for it, nearly every little on this site would have died to have what he had, and it hurts me so much to see you even suggesting this was your fault. It wasn't.

(A few notes at the end: Him saying it's an 'addiction' simply sounds like some lame excuse to try and get away from responsibility to me, primally because he wants to live in a dream world where his actions mean nothing when he wants them to. In addition, if it is by some miracle true, then it's something he should have brought up at the start of the relationship, not after it become a convient excuse for cheating, because again, communiticon is important.)
#59139
Our condolences and sympathies with all of you in this situation. As we do not know the full dynamics of it nor do we have any insight into what and how things happened, we will refrain from making any statements concerning it. We just want to say that both of us support y'all in working through this however you decide to do so, and if you need anything from us, we're there for all of you.
#59165
Motherly wrote: 3 months agoAny advice at all?
First of all...it's not about you, it's not that you weren't good enough, that you didn't do enough, etc. It does sound like your partner has some kind of...how do I say this...issue, mentally. Enjoying engaging in age regression scenes is totally normal. Livinge as a baby 24/7/365 is just not something an adult human can reasonably expect to do.

IDK if it really is like an addiction, I'm not a mental health professional. But if it is, I hope he gets the help he needs.

What floors me, though, is how much you did and gave and put up with for this - when so many people are out there just looking for a partner who tolerates this, let alone engages in it - if that's not enough for him, nothing will be. It seems that some littles are expecting to one day achieve this pure nirvana of a regressive state that, honestly, I don't think could possibly exist.

I think we all justify certain things when relationships are new and we feel like anything can be worked through if we love them enough. And this is an unusual relationship dynamic where there's not a ton of advice out there.

At the end of the day, the problem is not something you did or didn't do. The problem is your partner feels entitled to everything they want, even when it's totally unreasonable. They feel entitled to this kind of care while believing they don't need to give back. You've said it best: your presence in a relationship isn't enough.

You deserve more than this. I hope you find it, with him or someone else.

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