[Shady_ReyRay]

I know this is a problem that very few people have, but I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could help me with it. Maybe if they went through something similar.

Ok Ok Ok. So people I know tell me that my way of talking, attitudes, and overall personality just change every now and then. It has ruined my relationships many times and got me into countless situations where I've royally messed up. It's like . I just change mentally, but you wouldn't see it from the outside. I worries me all the time because when I do change, I can't tell. I just feel like I've always been the way I feel at the time and I can't even remember a time when I didn't.

Why am I posting this on a forum for these things? It's because I'm a switch, but I never know what'll trigger me to switch. I want help because I feel like right now I'm too much of a burden on both my friends and anyone I try to date.

[MommaWren]

Have you seen a counselor or psychiatrist at all? It sounds a bit like a dissociation perhaps, but it's hard to tell with the information given but it would be worth seeking out a counselor to talk things through and perhaps shed some light on things that you may have no considered before.

[teddyNdummy]

I think Wren has probably hit the nail on the head here. I was about to say what she said, then noticed she had already said it! But I'll just back up what she's said.

This may not sound like your situation, but if it does then I hope you'll take into account what we've said. Everybody has different 'personas'. We have our work persona, we have our home persona, the face we put on for friends, the one we put on when we have to make an important phone call. This is completely normal, it's something we all do. But we are aware of these different 'external' personas we put on. We're very aware of how stupidly polite we were in that important phone call, and we're aware that at work we "put on our work hat" and become professional (or in my case, probably more stupid than ever). These are external persona that we put on for the world.

Sometimes what happens though, is our internal persona changes. This is less deliberate. Sometimes it changes just because of our mood: We may become happy or sad, we may feel more big or more little, more energetic or more lazy, more artistic or more technically minded. But we are still us, we are still ourselves. Sometimes I feel little and just want to be cuddled. Sometimes I feel big and want to do the cuddling. But I'm still me. This, again, is totally 100% normal.

Some people, however, develop dissociative issues. This is, technically, some sort of disconnect from the world around you, or from yourself. It is a way of coping with stress or trauma. One off dissociations are fairly normal, but when it becomes regular it may be a sign of an underlying mental health issue. There is an awful stigma still around mental health, but it is nothing to feel ashamed about and it is very common: One in three people will have some sort of mental health issue in their lives.

Sometimes dissociative disorders occur due to psychological trauma of some kind. It is a defense mechanism that tries to protect the mind from the traumatic event (or events, it doesn't necessarily need to be one major event, it can be ongoing trauma). Dissociative disorder can also be caused by other issues aside from trauma, such as schizophrenia (which is NOT multiple personality disorder, no matter how much it is portrayed in the media as such!), bipolar disorder, the affect of drugs (illegal or prescription) or potentially alcohol.

Dissociation associated with mental health issues isn't necessarily something you can 'cure'. To help with it, you need to treat the underlying stress/trauma/condition. Depending on the cause, it will have different paths to follow to treat it. Medication may be involved, talking therapies may be involved, practical skills to help deal with stress may be involved. Or a combination.

If any of the above feels like it rings true, you may want to try and seek some help. There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you need it. It is a difficult thing to do, it takes a lot of courage. Talking to people around you may help. Do you have friends or family you can talk to? Having that support, just knowing somebody else knows can make things easier to deal with and make it easier to seek out that help.

Good luck and take care.

[Shady_ReyRay]

Thank you teddy and Wren. I've found someone locally that I can talk to about it. I can do a debriefing after I come back, so I don't leave the thread without an ending. I don't want to worry anyone on this site more than I might of already.
Hope y'all have a good day/evening/morning/afternoon/night.

[teddyNdummy]

I'm very glad you've found somebody to talk about this stuff with. It's a long process, a journey (that sounds so cliché, right? But it's true.) But stick with it. And you know, the people who do best have the best support networks. Reach out in real life, or talk to us here