- 6 years ago
#47330
Hello guys,
I guess I just want to vent and I don't have the feeling that I can go to my friends to talk to them, as I don't feel as if they would understand me. Mabye it's not the best idea to write this online on the internet, but really... I've got no clue. And at the moment I just feel horrible and angry and desperate.
I feel as if my life seems worthless and I don't see any sense in the things I do. I constantly think how I hate living at home and how I don't have the finanical freedom to move out. I work in a firm and still go to college and nothing I do seems enough or statisfies me.
And I have the feeling that my mother is emotionally abusing me. Also, even when she cries I don't feel pity anymore because she always acts as if the whole world seems against her. She is very religous, says in my posters lives the devil and that fantasy stuff - like Harry Potter or other movies - come from the devil. And I am an artist who wants to work in a artistic field. If she knew that I think I am into being a little I think she would call a priest to use an exorcism on me.
When it's about cleaning the room I am not really the best, but my mom expects perfectionism so that it looks like in the IKEA magazine.
I can't seem to get up and work on my projects for school as if all my energy and courage to do them has been sucked out of my body. But I don't feel depressed in the way that I am crying all the time. I am not. It's just... I feel empty.
I don't know...
I just wish I could get up and work and earn money so that I can finally move out of the hell I am living in, I even thought about finding a sugar daddy, but I know I would never do that. (A reason is that I am still a virgin.)
I feel ugly and fat as if I am not enough. Not enough for myself, for my family, even friends.
I.... I just want to curl up and cuddle with someone that takes care of me... I guess I just want to feel loved, and I haven't felt this way in a long time...
Great, now I really am crying.
I guess I just want to vent and I don't have the feeling that I can go to my friends to talk to them, as I don't feel as if they would understand me. Mabye it's not the best idea to write this online on the internet, but really... I've got no clue. And at the moment I just feel horrible and angry and desperate.
I feel as if my life seems worthless and I don't see any sense in the things I do. I constantly think how I hate living at home and how I don't have the finanical freedom to move out. I work in a firm and still go to college and nothing I do seems enough or statisfies me.
And I have the feeling that my mother is emotionally abusing me. Also, even when she cries I don't feel pity anymore because she always acts as if the whole world seems against her. She is very religous, says in my posters lives the devil and that fantasy stuff - like Harry Potter or other movies - come from the devil. And I am an artist who wants to work in a artistic field. If she knew that I think I am into being a little I think she would call a priest to use an exorcism on me.
When it's about cleaning the room I am not really the best, but my mom expects perfectionism so that it looks like in the IKEA magazine.
I can't seem to get up and work on my projects for school as if all my energy and courage to do them has been sucked out of my body. But I don't feel depressed in the way that I am crying all the time. I am not. It's just... I feel empty.
I don't know...
I just wish I could get up and work and earn money so that I can finally move out of the hell I am living in, I even thought about finding a sugar daddy, but I know I would never do that. (A reason is that I am still a virgin.)
I feel ugly and fat as if I am not enough. Not enough for myself, for my family, even friends.
I.... I just want to curl up and cuddle with someone that takes care of me... I guess I just want to feel loved, and I haven't felt this way in a long time...
Great, now I really am crying.