Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
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I (22FTM) have been married to my husband (22FTM) for almost 2 years. He is little very often but isn't a caregiver (which I understand) and I am only a little sometimes when I need it. When I'm little my husband doesn't pay very much attention to me. He assumes he has to be dominate and aggressive, which isn't what I need. I don't know what I need but it isn't domination or aggression. I just wanna be held and given stuffies and just breathe. I don't know how to use this but idk what to do.
It sounds like he’s gotten things mixed up and believes it is connected to BDSM, where he is to assume the role of a Dominant in a scene while you’re taking the submissive role. CGL isn’t really a power exchange. There is a very common misconception that CGL is a form of BDSM due to the notion the parental figure is in control while the childlike individual must submit and obey to their rules and “structure”. This is so far from reality though.

Littles desire support, encouragement, and positive reinforcement. They desire a listening ear that helps reassure them that they are doing well. They wish to feel important despite their lack of confidence. Just like anyone else, they want to be loved despite what they feel are their flaws. During maturation they may have been bullied or heavily pressured by friends and family to leave behind their quirky, childlike or regressive, traits so there is often the personal awareness that they are different and a guilt that they aren’t “good enough” since they were unable to drop these habits or let go of the interests.

But you likely know all of this!

If you want your partner to be involved in some way then you first must be realistic in your expectations.

  • If he isn’t a Caregiver personality then you may just need to stop assuming he should try to become one or act as one. Littles don’t need Caregivers to be Little or enjoy the regressive feelings they express.
  • You can’t assume he knows what you know. You may need to point him to resources you align with or explain this more clearly to him. This way he can revisit resources whenever he likes.
  • Communication cannot be replaced. You will need to have conversations with him about how you feel, how you’d like things to go, or what you think sounds fulfilling. You can’t just give him a few pages and if replace your feelings being directly expressed to him. You have to tell him what you like and what you don’t like. The same, when he does do something right you should praise him by pointing out exactly what he did and how it was the right thing. You have to give him information and feedback.
  • You don’t need another person around to be able to enjoy regressive self-expression. You may be inflating the value of your partner’s active involvement. Caregivers don’t facilitate or further regression. You may eventually find you’re satisfied without him participating.
Best of luck in your path together :hugs:
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