I've had a few littles over the past few years, and at the end of each relationship I find that we end due to their extreme selfishness. Here is just a few (granted, not all) in my past that seem to prove this idea:
- My very first little was wonderful as we explored the MDLB dynamic together. It was all very passionate up until he chose to be passionate with other people and, oops, forgot to tell me. It was a messy break-up where I was blamed for causing him to supposedly crave relations so much (I was his first) that he was basically forced by his urges to cheat.
- A long-distance little I matched well with seemed to connect with me on a lot of important personality aspects...at first. As time went on I realized that he just wanted to talk about relations. Every conversation wound up with him manipulating topics to lead to discussing getting sensual gratification, and when I brought up that I eventually felt emotionally and mentally neglected due to all of the sexual-stimulation-need on his end, and that there were so many more things I wanted to do with him, he proceeded to tell me what a worthless Caregiver I was for not wanting to interact sensually every time we communicated. He perceived my main duty as a Caregiver was to take care of his very, very high relations drive even when that was what was pushing me away and making me feel unhappy. He said relations made him feel loved and that I was failing to make him feel loved regardless of what made me feel loved.
- I dated a little for awhile and eventually shared the same apartment with him. Everything was fine and he constantly remarked that he needed me the most in his life. While I don't hold it against him, when his health declined he chose to move to the other side of the U.S. to be closer to his family members. I do fault him for never having any conversation with me about it, and having surprised me with packed bags when I came from work one evening. He flew out that week and I never heard from him again despite the voicemail I left checking in with him. Ghosted, in a way.
- One "monogamous" little accidentally forgot to tell me about her Daddy Dom. I bumped into him online when he was really concerned since she had ghosted him for a few days and he was messaging everyone online. I was really surprised because she gave full indications that her and I were "meant to be" together and I was preparing to fly to her in the upcoming month.
When she "came back" from her "mental breakdown" that had supposedly hospitalized her for a couple of days she told me that the man was emotionally abusive and neglectful. She begged me to remain her Mommy Domme. Then about a week later she ghosted me for good. I look back and see she just wanted the extra attention from me.
- I connected with a little who was motivated and up to be Mommy's little helper at all times. He told me all of the right things, and went in depth about his needs as being a completely submissive male in all aspects of his life. Funny enough, I caught him being a strict, sensual "Daddy Dom" to multiple underage middle-school girls through social media accounts. You know, he just accidentally forgot to tell me that underage girls didn't count if he dominated them online behind my back. I cannot even fathom the lack of morality the man had.
- I moved to a new area and found a local ABDL/little purely by odd chance. We chatted through text and on the phone quite a bit, building up the suspense of meeting. We met and had a wonderful time. I treated him as a little, made him lunch, changed his diaper a couple of times, and snuggled him up on the couch to watch some cartoons. He seemed to be in bliss. Afterward, all he texted about was asking me to change his diaper again. We'd meet and cycle back through the exact same things. After 5 meetings like this, and his lack of conversation in between those interactions, I felt like we needed to do more to bring us closer. One day I suggested him and I go out and do something out-and-about vanilla-style together, like grab pizza or see a movie in the theatre. COMPLETELY GHOSTED!
- I had a little who portrayed himself as innocent and obedient. We talked often and at length. I felt like I really had a firm grasp of who this person was in the world. We both seemed happy and he was just generally everything I was looking for at that time. He was the sweetest little angel who wanted nothing more than to just talk and hang out with his Mommy. Except for when he forgot to tell me he was going on vacation for two weeks, and then accidentally forgot to ever talk to me again. Forever ghosted! For the life of me I still cannot even think of a bad moment we shared much less a reason to abandon me.
- Major health complications messed up a recent relationship...or so I thought. When I wasn't around as often as I preferred (I got to have a conversation with him once every 2-3 days on average for a few weeks at the height of my health issue) the little reassured me that he was happy and well with the situation as long as I was still his Mommy and continued to work on improving my health. He seemed so supportive and hopeful. When I broke things off with him out of pure guilt (but hopeful that it was only temporary, which I clearly told him) he outright slandered me in a chat room and claimed that he was unhappy throughout the entire relationship because I was never around and just an overall bad Caregiver. Somehow he forgot about my overwhelming health issue at that time and the words he said to me to reassure me about our relationship up until the literal moment I broke it off with him. He not once came to me with a complaint. After I saw what he said about me it was obvious he was attention-seeking and playing for sympathy at that point. He ghosted when I confronted him about my hurt feelings and let him know how disappointed I was about the entire thing.
Now, I've dated for years. I've dated at long-distance. I've dated locally. I've had long term relationships and very short relationships. I've had both monogamous and polyamorous partners. I've dated males and females.
I've never been ghosted like this in vanilla relationships though. I've never been absolutely discarded like I have when I've been romantically involved with a little. I've literally never had someone tell me how much they loved me and then two hours after breaking up tell an entire chat room full of people that they were already over me and that it wasn't a big deal at all. In vanilla relationships my partners had almost always portrayed themselves very accurately and honestly. In my CGL relationships my partners have never been honest about themselves and their intentions (not even the ones I didn't bother mentioning because those were generally so brief). I'm not sure what it all means, but I know I'm lugging around a lot of baggage now.
Are Caregivers the "givers" and littles the "takers" and that's it now? Have we devolved to that mentality?
I haven't had a vanilla relationship in a long time but I'm beginning to wonder if it's just easier for most Caregivers if they connect with someone who is vanilla first and slowly introduce them to the dynamic once the relationship is firmly established.
Do you feel like this is common behavior for most littles? Am I right to expect to be ghosted and betrayed?
With each failed Caregiver/little relationship attempt, I've made previous littles really work to gain my trust and heart more than the one that came before them. Now I feel like I'm asking them to jump through hoops to prove to me that they are genuine.
Do real, true, and long-term Caregiver/little relationships actually exist or is this all of us just messing around with each other for a few weeks before moving on to somebody new and, eventually, settling into something vanilla and perceived as real? Is Caregiver/little something that is really only temporary or only truly successful when two people have been together for a long time (or in a marriage arrangement)?