Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
Note: Personal ads are NOT permitted.
Forum rules: This section of the site is for open, group conversation and public discussion topics within the community.
► Show more details
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
By Deleted User 62111
So I was wondering, I'm a little so maybe it's none of my business and it's really okay if it isn't just let me know if that's the case. But I've always been on the little side of things, and I know the appeal of being little, incase bigs have the same question, you know, going vise versa. My response is that as a little the appeal that I feel for being a little is that I can release all responsibilities and just be little. It's not my problem what's happening on the news or what you're saying to other bigs in the room, I don't have to worry about when is dinner or what to cook or anything, cause when I'm in little space, those worldly issues are the caretaker's job. So I just get to have fun and essentially be pampered, loved, cared for and coddled.

But here's the question,

What do Bigs/Caregivers feel they get out of taking care of 'us' (littles/middles/teens/furs) I mean, I understand the Big's role, but I don't understand the Big's mindset. I kinda have a general idea that you like seeing us happy and we like seeing you happy by doing things you'd approve of. But is giving that approval what makes you happy? Or taking care of us? Or watching over us? I mean I don't really understand... *shrugs* *confused*

KEEP IN MIND I'M NOT JUDGING!! (It's difficult to really give you the right feeling in a post as opposed to being in person and I can really express my feelings, but I'm HONESTLY really curious. I want to know what makes the other side of the coin happy. I mean it's give and take right? But it goes both ways doesn't it? I just, I personally just feel selfish because I'm get all this love and attention and care by just being one of my little me's and I don't know what I'm offering n return. I mean, I return the feelings, and I try to make the other person happy and proud too, but is that real enough considering all you Cargivers do for me??? I really want to know, because I feel like I'm really not pulling my weight a lot of the time and I feel guilty for it, and I don't understand what I can do better unless I actively leave my little space. So if you have an answer or an opinion, or both, I'd be really happy to know.
I typically say that Caregivers have a “need to be needed” and it’s manifested (and fulfilled) best by taking care of someone else. The value of being needed (even in a mock or pretend sense) is something that all Caregivers can understand. I believe the CGL structure is a romance and a codependency.

Caregiving is an expression of love in an atypical way, where it consists of parental-style affections and/or caregiving, toward another adult. It’s a different sort of intimacy that only specific sort of personalities can understand and feel. It’s validating to be appreciated for these acts that most other adults don’t desire to carry out in their romance(s). Having someone you deem as special not only just accept your abnormal displays but also cherish them by placing even more trust in you is fulfilling.

It feels wholesome to have another fully functioning adult enjoy my average adult capabilities. I’m not a superhero. I’m not magical. I’m just me, and the way I know how to express love is to treat my partner a bit childishly. I want someone who can love me just being me, and see that when I want to, for example, give them guidance and direction on a topic that it’s me saying, “I want the best for you. I love you.”

Perhaps many Caregivers feel powerless, underappreciated, and/or valueless as individuals. Perhaps many feel like very plain people with no or little special quality. There’s nothing special that makes a parent a parent though so it’s easy to turn to parenting to find these personal needs. It’s easy to use parenting as expressions of love because parenting in itself is special, but also doable for the majority. So, perhaps many of us carried out an act of “parenting” and felt valuable for once, causing us to dive in deeper to using those acts to self-express.

It’s also warming that my “taking care of” causes a special sort of comfort and relief to my partner. It feels good that I’m not seen as overbearing, belittling, or degrading by being parental toward my little. I’m even considered valuable for my quirks!

A biological baby or child offers their parent(s) great personal fulfillment from their growth and joy. Helping another person learn even the most basic of tasks is an achievement in a way. It’s sweet to see a baby’s smile or feel a child’s appreciative hug. Adult Babies and Littles offer this sort of reward in a never-ending way, where opportunities of growth can be repeatedly acted out and replicated. A Caregiver can feel purposeful, valuable, and accomplished through mundane methods.

Parents are, under typical circumstances, irreplaceable to their child(ren). They are a primary source of comfort, a provider of necessity, the motivator, and the final decision maker for safety’s sake. As a romantic partner I also desire to be irreplaceable, to comfort, to provide, to encourage and motivate, and to make sure my partner is being safe. Those points are more easily achieved through parenting (re-parenting or mock-parenting) of a partner. Being able to fully commit is something most people can understand, and doing so with the security that your partner needs you is the ultimate relationship safety net.

This is where the “codependency” occurs. The Caregiver needs their Little to be able to feel valuable and of worth—like they are doing something positive with their life that can be appreciated by others. The Little needs (even if just through psychological encouragement) their Caregiver to help them with some simple expectations.

So, what does a Caregiver gain out of their relationship?
Validation. Appreciation. Understanding. Feelings of worth. Feelings of achievement. “The need to be needed” fulfilled with an “irreplaceable” notion.
THANK YOU SOOO MUCH! I'm always afraid that I come off rude or intrusive in my posts, be them here or even just messaging people and asking them how their classes are going in uni. It's difficult to read the room when it's all online so please keep in mind I do mean the best, I am a REEEEEEAAAAALLLLY open-minded person... maybe a little too openminded. But if the neighbour wants to put up flower boxes in the middle of winter then be my guest, as long as she doesn't tear down my fence to do it I'm good, I still use utencils to eat hot pizza because I don't like greasy finger :xp: . But back onto the subject, I think I've gotten a very considerate answer and I know you took the time and patience to really contimplate it, and I want you to know that I really appreciate that, your effort didn't go unnoticed :gigs: . And I think I can really see where you're coming from now, I mean in some other relationships I suppose being told I wasn't allowed to eat certain foods (mainly junk food for breakfast, lunch and dinner) or to use an adult knife to cut my food and instead letting them do it for me, I can see how people who aren't prezzie to the lifestyle might see it as controlling. Which I suppose they're not entirely wrong, but also it's not entirely true either, because our bigs take only what control we give them and we do have our own rules for play and boundaries and we always have the choice to safe word out of any situation that may make us uncomfortable or insecure. So I can kinda see how it looks from either side, kinda like how some people like to judge little tendancies much like someone lazy or indecisive. But that's why I like to know, these things, to see what you see when you look at a little so I know what I'm actually looking at. It sounds to me like the thrill and joy I get just making a surprise diner for my relatives or surprising them with the odd gift here or there. Because it's not a demand that I do these things, but I find it makes me happy to offer something to loved ones that I know they'll really appreciate, especially after a rough day. I also like the nurturing aspect, but I prefer that more in regards to my pets and plants as opposed to children. I guess because it's a whole difference level of responsibility when you try to care for another person. I like the concept of feeling needed, and irreplaceable. I mean I love it when in a scene a caretaker treats me like I'm their whole world, even if it's just for a couple of hours because we're friends with mutual interests, but I'm happy to know that just by being me and trusting in a big that I may be offering something that really means as much to them as it does to me when they take care of me.

So thank you SOOO much for relieving some of my curiosity and to be brutally honest, some of my worries and guilt too. And because I have the attention span of a child, this emoji :pres: is exactly my kitten self, I happen to have a fixation with boxes :shook: don't judge, when I feel my kitty self I don't want no part of the stuffies, unless they're warm, in a large soft pile of plush that will utterly consume me when I lie on them for a nap and become absorbed in that fluffy, plushy quicksand that is a pile of stuffed animals. But sleeping habits aside... (well to be more honest I do like to sleep in the cardboard boxes as well...) Good luck finding me on moving days :gigs: (I blend in with the randomly oversized boxes as the one that mysteriously edges closer to the baked goods an all too blissfully ignorant big left out unprotected on a counter top :shook: . But really, I am really grateful for your response, I found it really helpful and informative, so thank you so much!
Forced Abandonment

My aunt looked through my phone, deleted my chat a[…]

:nodyes: cookies and apple juice. Oh oh oh and b[…]

I went and did a search. Personally, cloth ones […]

It sounds like there isn’t a solid commitmen[…]