Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
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#55820
So a little backstory... My husband and i have been married for 5 years, we have an 18 month old. I discovered i was a little about a year ago. I brought up the little/daddy topic casualy often to get a feel for how he felt about it before i told him, he was very much against it and said he didn't like it all(not going to put is exact words on here cause they were very offensive). Because of this i waited til a few weeks ago to tell him i was little. After a long discussion and me explaining what being little is to me he agreed to try to be open minded. After seeing me little for the first time he said he wanted to be my caregiver. He said he is not a Daddy and doesn't want me to call gim Daddy, that is a lot harder than i expected. We have eased into it. He is great at taking care of my basic needs; fixing my sippy, fixing my food, helping me get dresses.
My biggest problem is he doesn't interact with me when im little, he is just kinda there and when i ask for something he gets it for me. I am needy as a big and super needy as a little, i am very insecure. I cant sink fully into my little self and it is starting to sress me out more than help me. I have sent him articals to read and tried to talk to him. he gets excited about me being little and tells me he wants me to be little sometimes when i dont need it just cause he likes little me, but he doesn't seem to grasp what i need when im little and it makes my little time less enjoyable than if i could fully be little. I know that he is trying but I dont know what else to do to help him understand what I need.
#55821
Vedia wrote: 1 month ago My biggest problem is he doesn't interact with me when im little, he is just kinda there and when i ask for something he gets it for me.
Okay...what exactly are you expecting he do?

Like, what’s a situation where he’s just sitting there, watching you, and what do you think he should be doing instead?

Parents don’t spend all day on the floor playing barbies with their kids. Think of the short bursts you play with your toddler, and how that’s changed in various ways as they’ve gotten older. Think of even how your language has changed when speaking to them now, and how you’ll eventually pass the “learning basic vocabulary” phase so there will be actually, brief conversations rather than cooing sounds and babbling words like you’ve seen your child go through. You naturally interact with them differently than you had. As the child grows they will entertain themself more, play with toys and pretend with siblings or quietly by themself, and will carry on more conversations with you and less imaginative play.

As children get older parents don’t become playful siblings. Sometimes the child watches the movie alone while the parent tidies. Sometimes the child plays outside while the parent lounges. Sometimes the child does their thing in their room and doesn’t know where or what the parent is of is doing. The parent is there for them when they need though. Sometimes they goof around with the kid, and sometimes they have import things to tend to or the need to just relax. A parent’s job isn’t to be their child’s sibling, it’s to be the nurturer and supporter of their child.

Caregivers don’t generally feel childish. They don’t generally feel like playing imaginative games. They don’t generally become immersed into these things like Littles do. They aren’t deeply connected to that childlike spark like Littles.

So, try to have reasonable expectations. Try to be positive and see how he’s supporting and nurturing you when you need him.

Maybe get board games that you two can play together but still help you feel little.

Carry on more conversations while little, asking mundane questions, what if scenarios, or goofy facts as if you just learned them in school they your Caregiver can answer or respond to as a parent.

Start activities they can also participate in or where you can ask for help.

Ask questions during the movie to get him excited and talking too.

Take the initiative to find ways to incorporate him as a parent rather than expecting him to be a sibling.

You might also try to get him involved in the community online to learn more. There’s even a Caregiver site. It could also be helpful to search for things like “activities to do with a 5 year old” to get thoughts on things to do with you once he finds his spot where you’re both very happy interacting during your regression.

Just try to be more interactive with your partner rather than just regressing down and expecting them to figure out what to do with you. Try to think positively of your partner and be happy that he is trying for you. You’ll get this figured out in time as long as you both try to make it work.

Enjoy your path together :hugs:
#55822
Its not that he doesn't play with me it's that he still treats like im big when im little. It's like pulling teeth to get him to read anything. I have talked to him about it and how i feel about it. its just like he can't fully accept that im little maybe? Like he is ok with the sippy and binky and clothes and toys but he still wants me to make adult decisions while i play. Anyway we r still figuring it out and it helps to hear others perspective on it so i can maybe adjust how i approch talking to him about it.
#55823
Vedia wrote: 1 month agoLike he is ok with the sippy and binky and clothes and toys but he still wants me to make adult decisions while i play.
What sort of decisions are still left up to you? What is he asking if you at these times? Can you give me an example, please? I’m just trying to understand exactly what you mean and think of it as a Caregiver as to why it would happen.

Maybe he thinks giving you the freedom of choice while little is important..? So, he leaves things up to you so he doesn’t restrict you, boxing you into his decisions that could accidentally make you less than the happiest you could be. Maybe it’s a personal insecurity thing, I mean. If this is the case then he may gain the confidence over time as you encourage him to choose and then talk about how extremely happy you are with the choice he made.

Maybe you can make this situation more structured for awhile. Like, at this hour he reads a book you choose together. Next, you do this. Then that. A schedule where his role with you and what he’s to be doing, exactly, is clearly defined. It might not be the most fun sort of set up but it’d just be until he gets the hang of what’s being expected of him. Maybe he’s just a little lost and insecure of accidentally doing or choosing the “wrong” thing.

I think you’re doing a good job by continuing to work with him on this growth together. It definitely takes some patience but I’m sure you’ll get this figured out too just like you did with coming out to him over time.
#55825
Its questions like; what bills are due this week? Do we have the extra money to get(what ever video game, movie, or toy he wants at that moment)? Are we going to such and such b-day and if so what are we gonna by them? What is the plan for this week (we r updating our house)? Honestly im 99% sure he is a Middle and he has gotten so use to me setting the structure for everyhting and just letting him know what he needs to do that when im Little his brain just kinda overloads running through things he thinks he should know and he has to ask the queations then or he stresses out about it. He is not use to making adult decisions so i think when im little and he tries to be a full adult he don't know how and still needs to defer to me. I think i need to rethink how i approch things with him and set down and make a list of topics not to discuss and decisions i wajt him to make while im full little. We r both very new to this and still working it all out but we are talking about things and trying to keep open communication so i know we will eventually figure it out. Its just rough right now and neither of us has anyone else we can talk to about this lifestyle with. That is why i joined this group, so i can get some outside perspective and so i can share the good things that happen too
#55828
Vedia wrote: 1 month ago Its questions like; what bills are due this week? Do we have the extra money to get(what ever video game, movie, or toy he wants at that moment)? Are we going to such and such b-day and if so what are we gonna by them? What is the plan for this week (we r updating our house)?
Since you’re regressing during this then maybe you could respond in a gentle way sometimes that would remind him of what’s actively happening? What I mean is, if he’s asking about the bills or plans maybe you could respond back with something playful like:

“Oh, gee, (whatever term of endearment you call him), that sounds like big grown up stuff, and I’m just a little girl/boy right now...”

“Well, golly, that sounds like grown up stuff to me!”

“I’m just a little girl/boy, how would I know, Silly?”

“You’re being so silly today, (whatever term of endearment you call him)! Asking all these big grown-up questions to me!”

“Plans for the week? Uhhh, um, oh, I know! Ice cream and the zoo animals and let’s go to the circus! And take a nap annnd...oh, and let’s go to Jupiter! Uh huh, we’ll go to Jupiter. See, even little girls/boys can make plans, right?”

“Some time, when I’m all growed up, I’ll know all about moneys (or whatever other concern he’s brought up)!”

Maybe a reminder sometimes could help ease him. Maybe he just needs reassurance that he doesn’t have to make these decisions right now and that you’re only temporarily unavailable. Anyway, like I said, I’m sure you’ll get this sorted out. You seem to know what you’re talking about and have some ideas already.

Let us know how you get it all worked out and what helped, please!
#55829
Thank you so much for writing this :heart: You have no idea how helpful it was. Yesterday was my first day as a little and my Daddy, in my eyes, ignored me all day and I was really grumpy and sad. When I was Big again I yelled at him and said things I didn't mean but I felt so let down by him! I just didnt know what to do or how to express myself, especially when I'm little.

I've found that communication is everything and it's so difficult. Or, at least, that's the conclusion Daddy and I came to last night. When I'm embarrassed or scared I lash out and get grumpy but when I'm Little I only get really, really sad. But Daddy doesn't know that about me, heck, I recently just learned this about me since yesterday was my first day.

What I'm coming to understand is that, even though your little at first you have to tell them what you want even though that's the Grown Ups job. Your CG cant read or mind or know what you want if they dont know your queues or dont say anything.

And it's really, really hard! I dont like talking how I feel normally but it's even worse when I'm in little mode.

But how Daddy explained to me is "How am I supposed to know what you want if you dont say anything?"

I hope you can talk to your CG and it gets better :pinkh: ::3:

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