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#57981
Hi everyone,

I just signed up for this site this evening (currently living in Germany). This year my spouse opened up to me that she identifies as a little and wants me to setup into a caregiver role. This is a new world to me, and not my natural environment, but I love her and I want to do my best to meet her needs. She identifies as A little in an age range of (6-16, depending on mood). I need guidance on how to be a good Daddy and make her feel loved, cared for, and not judged. I still have a ton of due diligence to do…I’ve only just started browsing the subjects here, and I’m sure many of my questions have been asked and answered here already…our communication and mutual respect is strong, but it takes some of the “magic” away for her to have to explain to me exactly what she expects and needs…I’m hoping to get some direction from both littles and caregivers on how I can fall into this role, despite it not being my natural state. I’m not shy and plan on being completely honest here, so any questions or guidance is most welcome. Thanks in advance:)!
#57985
I'm not sure that you can, up to a point - this is one of those things that's so individual it would be hard for us to intuit for you. So above all else, while it's great to want to do the heavy lifting without her needing to ask, she also needs to be willing and able to give you feedback and suggestions.

My first though, though, is pretty basic - what makes her feel loved and cared for NOW, as far as you know? You likely know her better than anyone! Full disclosure, my partner is not my caregiver (I don't have one), so our engagement on this level is a little less than what you're probably looking for, but. If physical contact makes her feel safe and secure, snuggle on the couch or in a blanket fort watching something "age-appropriate" for her in the moment. If she gets anxious when routines are interrupted or unexpected things come up, remind her of what she has planned for a day and try and help her stick to morning and evening routines. If she especially likes being complimented and that adds to her feelings of self-worth, don't forget to tell her how cute she is! (Heck, do that anyway!) If she's a person who likes a lot of one on one time with you, find fun "little activities" you can do together that you'll both enjoy. If she's more of a person who likes her space, help her find fun "little activities" to do on her own. What those might be, again, you can take inspiration from what she generally likes. Books, science or technology (lots of great educational stuff "for kids" these days!), drawing, painting, sculpting/pottery, music, television/movies, makeup, board games, roleplaying games, cooking/baking...anything she's ever mentioned wanting to try to learn but it was too "silly" or "childish" as an adult? Juggling, balloon sculpture, face painting? No time like the present!

Beyond that...as you already know communication is important. And a lot of that will fall on her - you can't read her mind. If she starts expecting you to, it's going to be a problem. She needs to be comfortable with telling you her wants and needs; hopefully she is!

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