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By Bren8
#37946
So, my little and I are long-distance. I need to punish him (MDlb relationship), and I'm not sure how I should. I honestly don't even know if this is in the right category, I'm new And haven't really looked around the site yet. Anyways, any suggestions?
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By MommaStrange
#37951
Welcome! I'm also a Mommy so I really wanted to chime in with my perspective as well.

Not all MDlb relationships are the same and not all incorporate BeDeeSeM. This is extremely hard to answer directly because we aren't in your relationship and we don't know how long it's been going on, what you've talked about already, how your partner feels, what littleage your partner is, if you two are more BeDeeSeM than CGL, or if either of you are even experienced. I wanted to present some questions that you should think about and maybe talk about with your partner...

Are punishments necessary and actually beneficial?

Do you actually NEED to punish them?

Even further though...

Are rules necessary for the care for your partner?

Your little's littleage is very important in these things unless your relationship leans more heavily toward BeDeeSeM than CGL. CGL is a tenderness, caring, full-of-love connection so many punishments are either funishments (something both people just want to do because it's, often sexually, stimulating) or something that generally ignores biological age to better suit their mental space.

Before even looking at punishments you have to set up rules that can be broken, right? Are rules actually appropriate and desired though?

Rules should be to benefit the little, not for general amusement unless you BOTH like a particular ongoing scene. It should be, generally, mimicking the childlike lifestyle they want to experience. They should truly benefit the person to be a healthier, happier them or encourage childlike thoughts and behaviors.

A lot of inexperienced caregivers make up a lot of fake, unimportant rules because it makes THEM feel good (automatically authoritative), forgetting their little is unique and has their own preferences, needs, and expectations. A lot of inexperienced and/or uneducated caregivers don't realize that the idea is to treat the person as if they were a real child again.
Not all littles like having rules because not all littles need rules.
Not all littles want their caregiver to micromanage them in rules.
A lot of littles see past fake rules and see that it indicates inexperience.
Not all littles need or want punishment.

Rules should always be personal to the little and have purpose to them. Rules should be somewhat realistic to rules placed on children of the same general littlespace age.

Just because people think "CGL = BeDeeSeM" doesn't mean everyone is actually into being punished. We're not talking about Master/slave. We're talking about an intense emotional bond with special tenderness and care involved in potentially a small-but-loving and positive power exchange.

Breaking rules isn't something that always happens or is always intentional either. Sometimes positive reinforcement (praise or reward goals) does much greater than negative (punishment). Just like with real children, accidents can happen and you might not want to always jump to being a strict Mommy, ready to punish, if that's not what your partner wants, likes, or needs.

You need to keep in mind that the entire idea of this relationship dynamic is to treat an adult as if they are a much younger age, naive and childish...maybe even completely innocent. That means that rules and punishments should coincide with their littlespace age instead of their biological age. So, treat your partner as if they were a real child unless you're shooting for more BeDeeSeM than CGL (something maybe you should discuss if you haven't yet).

First you need to figure out where their headspace is when they are little. If they are very young then punishment may not be okay or they could benefit more from positive reinforcement like reward charts more than something else.

From a distance, you can do many things in a LDR connection.
You could utilize voice and/or video capabilities through your chat program and watch them do something (like an exercise routine, writing lines, self-spanking, time-outs).
You could use phone or voice to hear them do something (a long apology, repeating a certain phrase for a certain amount of time, quiet time where they aren't allowed to speak).
You could use phone or voice to verbally scold them (by humiliation, guilt, or just loving correction...again, depending where your relationship and their littleage falls).
Without voice and/or video then you can do things to show you later (have them post an apology publicly somewhere, have them make you an apology picture or card they can take a picture of and show you later, have them mail you a handwritten apology or lines written that you chose).
You can also do faith based punishment where you set a punishment rule they should abide by and you trust they will do (you send them to bed early, can tell them they are not allowed to have dessert, tell them they're not allowed to go out with friends during this weekend, take away TV time so they miss a favorite show they'll have to find time to get caught up with later)

If, instead, you decide to go toward doing the positive reinforcement more than punishments then you can create things like reward charts that seem to be popular. There are apps you can both download and share for that or you could mail them a chart you've created that they could keep track of with them. You could just flat out reward them for good behavior randomly without the chart if you wanted. You could do a lot of verbal praise (even just through text) when you feel they've made good choices.
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By rleqh99
#37980
Hi there!
I get what MommaStrange is saying, and i agree with the fact that since we don't know about your relationship, the "age" of the little, or what he/she did that was punishable, i can't really give you a perfect list of punishments related to your relationship, but i will try to give you a list of punishments for a different number of ages.
Spanking (making the little spank their self), earlier bedtime, writing lines, corner time, and scolding arr the basic punishments for different age ranges.
I don't know if this a sensual relationship or what it is but I probably couldn't give many ideas for that since i am a nonsensual little myself.
Punishment can put the little further into their role and make them more dependent on you which is a good thing and it's possible that they want this. I think (depending on the situation) you should use different punishments overtime that may get more severe with re-offenses of the same naughty thing but first, start with scolding, earlier bedtime, and corner time. These punishments are simple and can put your little further into their littlespace and have a higher chance of making sure they aren't mad at you after the punishment.
If you want better advice then your gonna need to give more information about the situation and the relationship.
~sincerely your friendly neighborhood baby boy :paci:
rleqh99 or Jordan :hugs:
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By Bren8
#37985
Thanks you so much! I completely forgot about explaining things, so I'm sorry. My Little's "Little Age" is 4, and I honestly feel the punishment I gave him was a little harsh, I mean, you still don't know much about it, so.. We have been together for a little while, and I gave him the punishment of not whipcreaming, which seemed to work well. I feel it was harsh, though, since what he did was he didn't text me for about three hours without telling me where he was going. Was I harsh? Should I have gone easier on him, or even went in that punishment direction at all? It is long-distance, though, and us communicating is really important. So, should I have went a different way?
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By rleqh99
#37987
Hi there!
I'm assuming i know what whipcreaming is so i wont ask and wait for a reply.
Okay, now knowing his age and knowing there are sensual rules and that this is a sensual relationship, i think i might be able to help a tiny bit more.
In this situation, since this is sensual and more intimate sexually, i should be able to give a few more ideas.
I'm not sure if he lives alone or wears diapers or pull-ups but i will give punishments for those too just in case.
Haveing lots of ice in his diapers/pull-ups or a big, cold icepack to put in his undies for a certain amount of time of your choosing, refrezzing to keep the punishment going for longer if necessary. Ice has been known to keep boys from having erections and it's uncomfortable when it's too cold so it's a good punishment to use.
Another one could be urine holding or releasing. Basically you could tell him to pee or poo himself regardless of what he is wearing. If its holding, his punishment would be to hold it for a certain amount of time and if he can't take it then he will wet or mess himself. This punishment is a bit more extreme and may not be used if your little isn't into un-contained urinating or what I believe is called "watersports" but i am not sure if that term is true. Same for un-contained messing (un-contained meaning not likeing going potty without protection).
Obviously writing lines is universal so this method can be used if you want.
Taking a cold bath is another, much less used punishment but still effective.
Enamas, suppositories, or laxatives are effective regardless if he is wearing padding or not.
Diaper punishment is just forcing your little to wear and use diapers. You can make it so your little can't change until the diaper is full or until he gets a small rash. This punishment can be until a package of diapers runs out or a given time frame.
The last one is just one that came from the top of my head, forced whipcreamies. The opposite of what you did but he has to keep doing it constantly even when his arms are tired for a certain time. Think of this punishment being when a parent found their child smoking so they made them smoke the whole pack at once.
I don't do well with sensual relationships but you do have to remember that he can't be little 24/7 and he may get to busy to be able to say anything. He could tell you he was gonna be busy but sometimes things just come up.
Personally, i don't think a punishment was absolutely needed for this situation but at the same time, i don't really think it was that harsh of a punishment at least from my point of view. Light scolding probably would have been the best punishment for this case, and tell him that you worry about his safety and want to know if he is okay. As the role of a caregiver, you should be the one to check on him, not necessarily the other way around, however, he still should check in with you as well, especially when he is going to be busy, then he should let you know. The punishments i gave you above are for much bigger reasons then not responding for a long period of time, keep that in mind.
I myself am a little and i know how important long distance communication can be, as communication is what keeps a relationship going.
Also, if you don't have punishments related to actual children, then that takes away from the whole "little" feeling, so make sure to punish him for not eating his veggies or cleaning his room because these are much more important then not talking to you for a few hours.
I hope I didn't fry your brain with all this reading and i hope I didn't offend you in any way since i only wanted to help.
~sincerely your friendly neighborhood baby boy :paci:
rleqh99 or Jordan
PS: tell me what you think about my reply. Anything you agree or disagree with?
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By MommaStrange
#38021
special burst denial is usually a pretty light punishment and more in-tune with BeDeeSeM oriented relationships or sexually-heated scenes you want to begin with your partner instead of strictly CGL styled partnerships. It doesn't really have much to do with specific Caregiver/little scenes but more with generalized Dominant/submissive interests.
I would say that it wasn't much of a punishment in itself, and may have even been fulfilling to your partner to some degree if he leans toward general submissive tendencies (which seems to be the case for many littles). For me, I wouldn't have punished over an absence of 3 hours anyway so it seems suitable to me as a little playful fake punishment.

In short no... special burst denial as punishment is not severe or extreme in any context.

Usually, special burst denial is started by or followed by a longer, sexually-heated, scene where you receive gratification through consensual force, manipulation, or authoritative demand. Sometimes in a LDR this could be things from demanding erotic photos or descriptions of desires to watching your partner squirm while you say sexually heated or degrading things to him, building him up only to be let down with no relief. I only assume this happened but if it didn't then you may want to flesh out the scene more.
My entire point in saying this is that usually a sexually oriented punishment leads to somebody feeling good or perceived as feeling good.

If you are going to punish through physically intimate means I would encourage you find a BeDeeSeM site more than a CGL site for these things and proper suggestions, ideas, and detailed tips.

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