Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
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#55336
Hello everyone again it's me again with a couple more questions (˵ᵕ̴᷄ ˶̫ ˶ᵕ̴᷅˵)

So I'm pretty sure I finished binge reading all information and articles provided here which were a great help!! Definitely a lot more informative then things I read before so here's the thing... While I was reading on questions caregivers might ask potential littles partners, I got stumped on two of those

"What do you like to do for your Caregiver?" and "What do you personally think you can offer to a Caregiver?"

I'm not looking for a caregiver for now as I do understand it is too soon but I got curious and now I'm confused. If the question was the other way around, I could see what a caregiver might reply but I can't see it from my own perspective. Is it like "I can give my caregiver lots of love" or "I can offer emotional support to my caregiver" or is this not it at all, is it on a physical level instead of emotional or perhaps a mix of both?

Haha I apologize for all the questions but if you could once again help me, I'd be very grateful!! :pheart: :pheart: :pheart: :pheart:
#55337
This is a really good question to consider before partnering!

Being a good relationship partner is not really something that is too easily defined. We can generically say something like, "Prioritize their feelings and needs, support their mental and physical health, and be considerate to them," but I think that's not exactly a clear answer to what you're asking.

So, before going any further, take note that a caregiver/little partnership is a relationship with regular, typical relationship expectations too. The CGL part of the dynamic is an addition onto the relationship. So, anything you can generally consider that you should do for a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, spouse, partner, or other romantic connection should also be applicable.

I answered a question a couple of months back where someone was asking what a caregiver gains from being with someone who has a little personality. I feel like it might be applicable in understanding what a caregiver is seeking out of the dynamic. You might want to check it out and see if it helps point you in the right direction.

I think if you read through it you'll see that there is room to show special appreciation during regression for your partner's care and attention. Some of that is really simple, and sometimes simple things build up to be much more important than they initially seemed.

A lot of it is simply "a relationship" though. A few years ago my partners and I found the 5 love languages notion pretty helpful in recovering from a problem we faced together in our relationship. While you don't necessarily have to believe in the "5 love languages", it does make a lot of sense that love can come in different ways and that we each, as unique individuals, learned what love is in different ways. Understanding your partner pretty deeply and how they not only express their love but also what they interpret to be loving is crucial.

With that being said, I also feel like each individual Caregiver may have different preferences in receiving love and care from their little partner based on their love language. Personally, things like quality time is very high up on my list, but physical touch when it comes to intimacy is lower. Another Caregiver may say something differently, feeling like engaging in intimacy during heavy regressive periods is the icing on the cake. So, this really also may fall under the "you'll just have to get to know the individual" more than anything else.

It is also always good to help your partner with their shortcomings by taking care of things for them when or where they struggle without pointing out their lack of capability. Tending to things your Caregiver doesn’t like to do, isn’t able to do, or struggles to do can become a beautiful part of your connection.

"Seldom do [partners] have the same primary love language. We tend to speak our own language and wonder why they don’t respond. The reason is, they did not get the message, on an emotional level. You express your love by doing things for your [partner], but what they want is physical touch. Your [partner] gives you a gift, but what you really want is quality time. You are both sincere, but you are not connecting. Once you discover and speak your [partner]’s primary love language, I believe you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving [relationship]."

"...in order to keep [the relationship] alive, most of us will have to learn a second language. We cannot simply do what comes naturally for us. We must learn to speak their language, and that takes thought and effort. The good news is that you can do it."
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/2018/06/ ... ove-alive/

Here is a quick rundown on the 5 love languages (as well as helpful examples!):

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/ ... -explained

(I will note that the original author of the 5 Love Languages book is heavily religious and centers around marriage, but it's easy enough to kind of skip over the spirituality and replace "marriage" with "relationship". The idea itself is not really religious.)

Most importantly it's crucial that you keep your partner in mind. This might be while you're feeling regressed, but should also be outside of your regressive feelings. You should think of them, making a quiet goal to meet their love language as frequently as comfortable for you. This might mean that you give them extra cuddles, you make crafts specifically for them, you talk about how wonderfully special they are and how grateful you are to have them in your life, or however how you feel you can comfortably meet how they receive love. These things can be tied in with your littlespace if you make just a little effort to become aware of ways you can intertwine into something you're already enjoying.

Cuddling with toys can be replaced with cuddling with your partner. Arts and crafts can become more centered around creating "gifts" and "presents" for your partner. Cutesy little, regressive talk can become centered around being grateful for having such a wonderful Mommy/Daddy. The little could prioritize what the caregiver wants to watch and surprise-bring their partner's favorite snacks for an in-home date night. A little could make their caregiver a simple breakfast to help them get started with their day or could offer to do the caregiver's laundry while they're having a hard week. Ask for their help on things you know they’ll love to help you do. There are plenty of ideas that can be tossed around, done sweetly and childishly even, and can still be genuine to you both.

So, what can you, as a little, offer your caregiver?

You. Your partnership. Your care. Your love. Just you.
#55338
Ooooh I see! This was incredibly helpful and I can definitely understand the caregivers side better!!
I didn't understand at all and I kept thinking that it'd be an unbalanced relationship because of how much the caregiver would do and how I would not be doing quite as much. I didn't even give much thought on the relationship outside the dynamic and that was my bad :>.<:
I also loved the articles on the love languages!! They were so helpful, I never really heard about it and it's reallly nice to see how we all communicate and have different needs

Thank you so much for the help again!! Every day I learn more and more and I feel so happy :bheart:

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