Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
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By Deleted User 64734
#56029
Hello! I have been trying to understand all of these terms for some time and the more I try to figure out where I fit, if at all, the more confused I become so I would really appreciate some sort of guidance.
I think I want a caregiver, but I'm not sure what I am, what I do, how I feel, or if it's healthy. I'm a csa survivor and I have a lot of trauma from it, yet at the same time I do often feel much younger than I am and feel happy even when it makes me think back to those times. I don't feel like I go into some sort of space, I just feel like I'm unable to grow up mentally. All that being said, I'm a college student, I have a job, I have done everything that's expected of me and I just feel like an imposter.

I think my worry is that this is only a result of trauma I have not handled properly, and that I don't belong to this world either. Is this a common thing or do they go hand in hand? A part of me is interested in the romantic and sexual side of it, but I also worry that it's just an unhealthy coping mechanism.

I'm very confused and I want to have an explanation for what I am and how I feel. I read through the discovery page and the terms but I'm still confused : ( I'm sorry if there are answers that fit this anywhere, I'm a little bit overwhelmed and discouraged trying to find the answers I need.
#56034
I am still kinda new to this as well, but I wanted to help if I can. My wife also deals with childhood sexual trauma, and from what you've said I believe you and her are very similar, also no two people are exactly the same. I believe the regression and the happiness you receive from it are related to your trauma, and no it is not an unhealthy way to cope with it. In fact it may open up doors to healing that you didn't think possible. You should definitely explore all the things your curious about, if you enjoy them great if not simply move on, it doesn't make you "bad" or "sick" or whatever either way. I will keep it short, but in conclusion, it is ok to explore that side of you, just like any other side of you. I know it helped my wife deal with her past and it co tiniest to help to this day. Oh we have been in a DDlg relationship for about 5 years or more and married for 10+ years. I wish you the best if luck with all this and I hope this helps a little bit.
#56035
ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago I think I want a caregiver, but I'm not sure what I am, what I do, how I feel, or if it's healthy.
If you think you want a partner then it’s probably not time for that. If you’re not sure of yourself as a little then it’s probably not time to ask someone to be involved with your regression.

ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago ...or if it's healthy.
A CareGiver/Little (CGL) relationship dynamic is an additional component of a typical romance between adults, where one partner experiences fluctuations of regression by mood and personal interest and the other partner gains comfort, reassurance, and elation by parenting their regressive partner.

There is nothing wrong with expressing feelings of love toward another adult through what appears to be childlike means. The way you speak, the gifts you provide, the care you offer in exchange that all may appear to be regressed simply based on your chronological age are not harmful in a relationship. It’s like saying, “I like to talk in a cute voice to my partner when I’m feeling extra lovey to them, and that somehow makes me feel young again. My partner really loves it because they know it’s me expressing my love for them.” There is nothing wrong with that, and it’d be pretty silly to think otherwise.

Please remember that a Caregiver is not a toy. It’s best to discover yourself outside of the CGL romance and partnerships than to rush into one, assuming the other person will figure out what you haven’t yet.

There is a special, deep romance in the partnership. While most of us long, or have longed, for such an intimate love we must remember fairness. It wouldn’t be fair to begin a relationship based on your personality type when you’re still yet to uncover and discover much about yourself. Give yourself breathing room to grow, allow yourself a slower pace to learn, and when it’s time to partner with someone who understands the way you communicate yourself and your feelings then you’ll be much more confident and successful.

ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago I don't feel like I go into some sort of space, I just feel like I'm unable to grow up mentally.
Yes, this is very normal.

Regression fluctuates. Being a Little is scattered throughout daily life, sometimes in mostly unnoticeable ways. Sometimes a Little will feel more regressive than other times. A lot of times it’s much like a mood that can change in intensity, and definitely isn’t transformative to where you forget who you are or what you’re capable of doing. People who say they literally become a child again or forget completely about their adult lives are fibbing.

ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago A part of me is interested in the romantic and sexual side of it...
The CGL is always romantic. Some people don’t want to admit this, for one reason or another, but it is always very emotionally charged and the partnership is definitely based around feelings of love.

Sexual involvement is, of course, specific to each coupling. What’s important to remember about it when it comes to involving regression (actively being little or “being in littlespace”) during it is that you are still, at all times, an adult. Your partner would not be preying on a vulnerable individual. True Caregivers aren’t fantasizing about their little partners being literal children. The emotional exchange is what CGL is at its core, and that is what is happening during times of intimacy as well.

ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago ...I also worry that it's just an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Regression (being a little or being “in littlespace”) is not a coping mechanism. We do not believe this is a choice so much as it is a personality trait. It may have been something an individual was born with even, but the reasoning it exists is separate from the fact that it exists as a core part of who an individual is and how they interact with, respond to, and perceive the world.

If you stop categorizing this as a “coping mechanism” or a mental health condition of sorts you may be able to strip away the trauma component of it, releasing you from feeling it’s tied to negativity and, potentially, shame or guilt. There is nothing wrong with being a little. Littles are fully functioning adults. Being a little doesn’t mean you’re incapable or that you’re running from something. Being a little doesn’t mean you don’t know how to properly “cope” with something as an adult. When you strip away the idea that this is a condition you can better embrace and love yourself for this trait too, just as you may embrace other attributes about yourself that simply just make up who you are as an individual.

ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago I'm very confused and I want to have an explanation for what I am and how I feel.
Some people are born with dark brown hair. It’s just a part of who they are, their past didn’t cause that attribute. Some people are naturally more shy than others. It’s just a part of who they are, trauma doesn’t necessarily cause that. Some people are just little. Regardless of how it’s developed, being a little is just who a little is, and it’s okay to not have a clear reason or “excuse” for it.

ichikai wrote: 2 weeks ago I read through the discovery page and the terms but I'm still confused
Keep reading. You’re doing good but it’s clear that you’re still in the early stages of this discovery about yourself. Read more. Ask more. Get involved with the community without thinking of partnering. Get involved simply to learn more about yourself and your feelings. You’ll get to where you’re going. Slow down though and let you’re self learn about yourself. Embrace who you are, and let yourself be who you are without needing a specific reason.

Lastly, I want to say that your mental health is important. If you aren’t seeing someone about your history of abuse then please do. If who you’re talking to now isn’t really helping you to make progress then it might be time to find a new therapist. You don’t have to talk about this little stuff if you don’t want to but the trauma you experienced really should try to be dealt with so that you can have some peace. You deserve that comfort.

Enjoy your path! :hugs:
By Deleted User 64734
#56037
Hi! First I just want to say thank you so much for such an insightful response, I did more reading after submitting my post, but getting a personal response to my specific feelings and doubts helped a lot more than that!

admin wrote: 2 weeks agoIf you think you want a partner then it’s probably not time for that. If you’re not sure of yourself as a little then it’s probably not time to ask someone to be involved with your regression.
I totally agree! I think what I was trying to explain was the dynamic I am interested in, rather than something I want for myself at the moment. I still don't understand if this makes me a little, age regresser, age player, or something else. No matter how much I read the descriptions I just don't fully understand where I fit :tears:. All I know is that in the dynamic I would want someone who is nurturing and understanding and can enjoy my company with the way that I am.

admin wrote: 2 weeks agoThere is nothing wrong with that, and it’d be pretty silly to think otherwise.
I also think it's totally healthy : )! My concern is if it's healthy for me as an individual due to my trauma and the fact that I still struggle with it but you answer that later so thank you. I would not want anyone to think I believe what they are seeking here is unhealthy! I have always admired this community from afar.

admin wrote: 2 weeks agoYes, this is very normal... [People who say they literally become a child again or forget completely about their adult lives are fibbing.]
This is very helpful! Thank you! This was my biggest fear, as I felt that because I keep this feeling throughout most of my life but continue to feel as the adult that I am, that this was just trauma affecting my life and nothing else. This makes me feel a lot better!

admin wrote: 2 weeks agoBeing a little doesn’t mean you don’t know how to properly “cope” with something as an adult.
I still worry a little about this because my experiences (I think.) are different to a lot of those who participate in this sort of lifestyle. My trauma does affect the way I feel, think and act. I want to accept that it is just an unrelated part of me but it is hard to when a lot of my life still revolves around those feelings. I don't personally believe any amount of therapy will fully heal me but I do continue to work on it and I have good support! Even if it isn't the cause for me feeling as if I am stuck at an earlier age mentally, it feels like something I need to be mindful of. I also would like to know your opinion on whether my trauma is something I should disclose in the future before I find a potential caregiver if I choose to, because I feel I need extra patience and especially when it comes to romance and sex.

admin wrote: 2 weeks agoYou deserve that comfort. Enjoy your path! :hugs:
Thank you, your answers were thoughtful and I appreciate it more than I can express :heart:
By Deleted User 64734
#56038
Firetender wrote: 2 weeks agoI know it helped my wife deal with her past and it co tiniest to help to this day.
It does make me feel better to see that there are other people in my situation or similar, though of course I wish there wasn't, it is very scary to open yourself up to a world like this when you have been abused by people who you trusted and had power over you as a child.
Thank you so much for her experience with me and I am sorry she had to experience that too, I hope she feels loved and healed now, even if just a little, she isn't alone :heart:
By Deleted User 31498
#56040
I can't speak to my personal experience but a close friend of mine who is a csa survivor is also a little. I know he is also in therapy for the csa and other things which would be my first suggestion. Regression is sometimes used in or an addition to therapy so that can be a route you take in order to make sure there's no negative influence, or to reassure yourself that its not a "negative coping mechanism".

But otherwise if its not harming you its not negative. Allow it to be the fun space that it is.
#56041
LittlePup7 wrote: 2 weeks ago Regression is sometimes used in or an addition to therapy so that can be a route you take in order to make sure there's no negative influence, or to reassure yourself that its not a "negative coping mechanism".
No, regression is not actually a documented form of therapy. No professional therapist worth their degree actually believes in any “benefits” of “regression therapy”. The entire notion is massively outdated and has been repeatedly disproven.

“Regression therapy” in the professional psychology field is not proven to be effective much less actually exist. The “studies” on it have never been able to prove it can even occur. It is considered pseudoscience. We do not believe or encourage others to believe that being a little is any form of reliable, safe, or productive therapy. Regression cannot replace the benefits of professional therapy.

Please do not share, encourage, or promote pseudoscience here.
By Deleted User 31498
#56042
Did not mean to imply to use it instead of professional therapy. But it can be considered therapeutic, but you are correct, it is not a replacement for therapy.
#56043
LittlePup7 wrote: 2 weeks ago Did not mean to imply to use it instead of professional therapy. But it can be considered therapeutic, but you are correct, it is not a replacement for therapy.
Therapeutic would mean that it can treat, in this case, child abuse trauma. I’m sorry, I understand your intentions are only good, but, no, it cannot do that. Nobody should be trying to regress in effort to relieve or recover from trauma experienced. It’s medically disproven to help recovery from those experiences.

It may be generally stress relieving, as are other methods of self-expression that have been contained, but it will not treat, cure, resolve, or make-better previous abuse suffered.

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