ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago I think I want a caregiver, but I'm not sure what I am, what I do, how I feel, or if it's healthy.
If you think
you want a partner then it’s probably not time for that. If you’re not sure
of yourself as a little then it’s probably not time to ask someone to be involved with your regression.
ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago ...or if it's healthy.
A CareGiver/Little (CGL) relationship dynamic is an additional component of a typical romance between adults, where one partner experiences fluctuations of regression by mood and personal interest and the other partner gains comfort, reassurance, and elation by parenting their regressive partner.
There is nothing wrong with expressing feelings of love toward another adult through what appears to be childlike means. The way you speak, the gifts you provide, the care you offer in exchange that all may appear to be regressed simply based on your chronological age are not harmful in a relationship. It’s like saying, “I like to talk in a cute voice to my partner when I’m feeling extra lovey to them, and that somehow makes me feel young again. My partner really loves it because they know it’s me expressing my love for them.” There is nothing wrong with that, and it’d be pretty silly to think otherwise.
Please remember that a Caregiver is not a toy. It’s best to discover yourself outside of the CGL romance and partnerships than to rush into one, assuming the other person will figure out what you haven’t yet.
There is a special, deep romance in the partnership. While most of us long, or have longed, for such an intimate love we must remember fairness. It wouldn’t be fair to begin a relationship based on your personality type when you’re still yet to uncover and discover much about yourself. Give yourself breathing room to grow, allow yourself a slower pace to learn, and when it’s time to partner with someone who understands the way you communicate yourself and your feelings then you’ll be much more confident and successful.
ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago I don't feel like I go into some sort of space, I just feel like I'm unable to grow up mentally.
Yes, this is very
Regression fluctuates. Being a Little is scattered throughout daily life, sometimes in mostly unnoticeable ways. Sometimes a Little will feel more regressive than other times. A lot of times it’s much like a mood that can change in intensity, and definitely isn’t transformative to where you forget who you are or what you’re capable of doing. People who say they literally become a child again or forget completely about their adult lives are fibbing.
ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago A part of me is interested in the romantic and sexual side of it...
The CGL is always romantic. Some people don’t want to admit this, for one reason or another, but it is always very emotionally charged and the partnership is definitely based around feelings of love.
Sexual involvement is, of course, specific to each coupling. What’s important to remember about it when it comes to involving regression (actively being little or “being in littlespace”) during it is that you are still, at all times, an adult. Your partner would not be preying on a vulnerable individual. True Caregivers aren’t fantasizing about their little partners being literal children. The emotional exchange is what CGL is at its core, and that is what is happening during times of intimacy as well.
ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago ...I also worry that it's just an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Regression (being a little or being “in littlespace”) is not
a coping mechanism. We do not believe this is a choice so much as it is a personality trait. It may have been something an individual was born with even, but the reasoning it exists is separate from the fact that it exists as a core part of who an individual is and how they interact with, respond to, and perceive the world.
If you stop categorizing this as a “coping mechanism” or a mental health condition of sorts you may be able to strip away the trauma component of it, releasing you from feeling it’s tied to negativity and, potentially, shame or guilt. There is nothing wrong with being a little. Littles are fully functioning adults. Being a little doesn’t mean you’re incapable or that you’re running from something. Being a little doesn’t mean you don’t know how to properly “cope” with something as an adult. When you strip away the idea that this is a condition you can better embrace and love yourself for this trait too, just as you may embrace other attributes about yourself that simply just make up who you are as an individual.
ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago I'm very confused and I want to have an explanation for what I am and how I feel.
Some people are born with dark brown hair. It’s just a part of who they are, their past didn’t cause that attribute. Some people are naturally more shy than others. It’s just a part of who they are, trauma doesn’t necessarily cause that. Some people are just little. Regardless of how it’s developed, being a little is just who a little is, and it’s okay to not have a clear reason or “excuse” for it.
ichikai wrote: ↑1 month ago I read through the discovery page and the terms but I'm still confused
Keep reading. You’re doing good but it’s clear that you’re still in the early stages of this discovery about yourself. Read more. Ask more. Get involved with the community without thinking of partnering. Get involved simply to learn more about yourself and your feelings. You’ll get to where you’re going. Slow down though and let you’re self learn about yourself. Embrace who you are, and let yourself be who you are without needing a specific reason.
Lastly, I want to say that your mental health is
important. If you aren’t seeing someone about your history of abuse then please do. If who you’re talking to now isn’t really helping you to make progress then it might be time to find a new therapist. You don’t have to talk about this little stuff if you don’t want to but the trauma you experienced really should try to be dealt with so that you can have some peace. You deserve that comfort.
Enjoy your path!