Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
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#56170
Hi I'm new un this forum looking for advice.
I have absolutely no idea how yo tell My boyfriend I'm into dd/lg and also BDSM. I'm a little I've known that for a while and I constantly go into little space but I think he doesn't notice, he goes along with me but does not play the role of caregiver at least not as I would like. The problem is that when we do something sexual I become little automatically and therefore too shy to ask him to be more rough with me, he is too delicate and I crave pain and I have no idea how to start that conversation. Thank you so much for your answers beforehand. :heart: ::3: :pen:
#56173
I think a good conversation or two outside of the act of having sex or while actively regressing would clear a lot of this up. It’s pretty normal for adult couples to have conversations about sex and their desires, fantasies, and even just curiosities. You can start by asking how he feels about some more twisty things and if he has any curiosities you two could possibly explore together. Remember that these things may need a gradual build-up to get to so be patient and supportive of what he is willing to try.

Do keep in mind that:

  • Not everyone is a Caregiver. Just the same as being a Little, the Caregiver identity is a part of a person’s personality. It isn’t just-what-they-do, it’s a part of how they perceive and exchange emotionally.
  • If your partner isn’t a Caregiver then you can’t force them into becoming one. He can’t just choose to be one if that isn’t who he naturally is. Accept who your partner is, and work together to have both of your needs met without too much sacrifice from one side. Be fair.
    • Even if your partner does turn out to be a Caregiver, understand that he may not be interested in punishments, funishments, mock abuse, or BDSM.
  • Being a Little is not synonymous with being a submissive or being interested in BDSM.
    • The BDSM community is a separate community.
    • Being a Little is not a kink, and Caregivers shouldn’t be used to fulfill things like Daddy kink.
    • You may need to have separate conversations about these topics with your partner so that he understands your regression doesn’t necessarily mean you’re turned on and seeking intimacy.
If he seems somewhat clueless about some of the BDSM scenes that interest you then it might be fun to watch adult art together or read stimulating material to each other so that he has examples. There are also BDSM communities you two may want to join together, but I feel like sexually-explicit groups may need to wait until he builds some confidence in these explorations.

I’m sure everything will work out just fine with some more communication. It sounds like your relationship has just progressed to the point of talking about deeper desires and that’s quite natural. Be patient, keep communicating, and try to be reasonable about your expectations of your partner. You don’t need to go from 0 to 100 immediately and you may need to have smaller conversations frequently to build him up into trying something new. Have fun together and focus on what you do have as best as you can.

Enjoy your path together :hugs:
#56174
Everything admin said.
I had a similar issue with my husband, i didnt refused to admit who i was or what i wanted for years and we were married before i got to the point the point of this isnt realy me. What i did was (i love to read) i would be like i read about this and start talking about it and be like i think i would enjoy that what do u think. After we got through the more basic BDSM stuff we printed off a generic BDSM limits list and went over it together. After he had some time to get adjusted to the BDSM aspect of out relationship i did the same thing to bring uo me being litte, i said hey i read this book today that was about a little and talked to hin about it. He was very much against it at first but when i told him i was little. And what it mwnt to me he is ok with it. He is not a caregiver but we have figured out something that works for us and he does act in that role when i need him to.
Just talk it through with the BF. And start small and don't expect it to go perfect. He may be into it all and be exactly what u want but more than likely not. Both of you need to keep an open mind.
I hope it all works for you
#56188
Update: I told my boyfriend I'm little, he is fine with it and even finds it "cute" turns out he is a natural caregiver he is just bad at reading minds (silly me) and he doesn't like dominance nor discipline when I'm in "child mode" (his words). But he refuses completely to combine me being little with anything sexual, he is willing to explore BDSM but as a separated thing. He told although he is a little curious about it, at the same time he feels it's completely wrong. He said and I quote "wouldn't that be the same as being with a child? " And now I feel terribly guilty and bad about it, I feel like a horrible person and now I'm being very careful whenever se have sex so as not to slip into little and it feels weird and I feel too much shame :tears: :tears: :-.-:
#56194
ohhhh sweety. u need to talk to him. tell him how this is making u feel. if he cares about you at all he will work with u to make this right. my bf and I are switches, and I am also little. im same as u, I go into little space during sexual stuff sometimes, and we are very much into bdsm and light pain. but he loves and encourages my little side. its a form of comfort for me. im a 33yo woman, we both know that. I just go into a child like headspace, but im still an adult with adult needs. and all that is ok. there is a huge supportive littlespace, abdl and things like that on other site. and site of adult content, ur bf and u need to sit and research this together. littlespace is supposed to make u feel good, love. lets keep it that way, eh? :pheart:
#56197
I don’t think the answer here is to guilt, pressure, or try to convince your partner to do something sexually that they don’t want to do or are uncomfortable doing. So, I don’t quite side with the other poster about needing to get him into BDSM because you like it. We wouldn’t think it was right to pressure someone into having sex if they’re uncomfortable doing so and I feel like kinks and adult interests are very similar. If he wants to try it a little then okay but respecting his decisions on these things is pretty important.

There will always be natural incompatibilities between people, even in the strongest of relationships. If this isn’t relationship-ending then this isn’t as major as it may feel in the moment. If it is something you absolutely cannot comfortably live without then perhaps you should rethink your relationship. Although, I’d strongly encourage you to stay hopeful and look more positively at the relationship you’ve already built, and what happiness you do have together, instead of only weighing what you don’t have.

I do think that there’s still opportunity to be made in educating him about how being a little is how you feel but doesn’t transform you physically or mentally into actually being a child. I think this is something you can talk about over time and that he will realize, making it more comfortable for him to at least engage sexually with you while you’re feeling more regressive. I think the idea that you are still very much mentally and physically yourself but just in a very youthful-feeling, childish mood can be a struggle for some people to understand. You still can consent, you’re still well aware of what’s going on, and he isn’t taking advantage of innocence or harming you. Work on phrasing it and explaining it in ways that you know your partner will understand. Work on it through multiple conversations, over time. I do think that once it clicks in his head that you’re still an adult and still who he knows you as that he’ll be more comfortable expanding his caregiving.

Give him some time. Explore more casual regression and caregiving with him first for awhile. Let him see that you’re still you. Work into conversations about how your expressions are just you being in those moods and feeling the safety of him accepting how you like to express yourself. Enjoy the relationship. Keep working together. You’ve done great by talking with him about this, you have the power to keep talking these things through so that you two understand each more more and more.
#56208
I completely understand! I'm in a situation where I'm trying to bring someone into ddlg but I am.... very easily flustered and I'm not even sure how to bring up the fact that I might be asexual AND twisty... I feel like he wouldn't be interested in it. But he told me he's 100% on board. Not that I don't believe him, it's just I don't.....
I don't have the best track record with fake doms.
there's too many.
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