- 5 years ago
#48621
Hi all.
Recently, I separated with my partner of almost 4 years. There were multiple ways I had tried to make it work, and he wasn't a bad person, but in the end in a lot of ways we were incompatible. I never want to force or wanted to force him into anything he was uncomfortable with, so a year in when I brought up my growing interests in this community, he wasn't "entirely" judgemental, but he did express an overall lack of interest or willingness to take part. I'd recommended he read into it as I had when I discovered, after I'd explained all I could. He agreed to look into it but never did and never brought it up again. We were in an open relationship for a long duration, and though I really tried to lay my interests to rest and curb myself away from this, after another year or so I found myself drawn in again, and I fiddled around online in some "ddlg" relationships here and there (always open and honest with anyone I interacted with), and it always tended to end badly. For awhile I thought that maybe it was me, or that I wasn't truly a little, but I still always find myself curious and wanting and coming back to check forums or nose over shoulders in discussions. I believe at this point there's only one way I'll be satisfied in my next real relationship, and that it might HAVE to include ddlg, but is that fair of me to say, though I've never been fully in one really? I'm a bit nervous as well, and I find I always question my reasons or my eagerness to involve myself in something like this. I know a key portion of the reason this past involvement didn't work was solely because of my interests in this in the first place. I'm afraid that my newfound status may have left me overly enthused or excited at the prospect after having been in an unfullfilling role for so long, even though I'm still sort of sad. I guess maybe I'm feeling insecure about the whole thing after getting put down on it for awhile. I apologize if my questions seem ignorant etc, and for the long read, but there's not really anyone I've been able to openly discuss this with, and I've never really openly communicated on a forum involved in this lifestyle. I'm honestly hoping to hear all opinions and would love some advice or ideas on how to move forward or I guess rationalize better, I don't know.
Recently, I separated with my partner of almost 4 years. There were multiple ways I had tried to make it work, and he wasn't a bad person, but in the end in a lot of ways we were incompatible. I never want to force or wanted to force him into anything he was uncomfortable with, so a year in when I brought up my growing interests in this community, he wasn't "entirely" judgemental, but he did express an overall lack of interest or willingness to take part. I'd recommended he read into it as I had when I discovered, after I'd explained all I could. He agreed to look into it but never did and never brought it up again. We were in an open relationship for a long duration, and though I really tried to lay my interests to rest and curb myself away from this, after another year or so I found myself drawn in again, and I fiddled around online in some "ddlg" relationships here and there (always open and honest with anyone I interacted with), and it always tended to end badly. For awhile I thought that maybe it was me, or that I wasn't truly a little, but I still always find myself curious and wanting and coming back to check forums or nose over shoulders in discussions. I believe at this point there's only one way I'll be satisfied in my next real relationship, and that it might HAVE to include ddlg, but is that fair of me to say, though I've never been fully in one really? I'm a bit nervous as well, and I find I always question my reasons or my eagerness to involve myself in something like this. I know a key portion of the reason this past involvement didn't work was solely because of my interests in this in the first place. I'm afraid that my newfound status may have left me overly enthused or excited at the prospect after having been in an unfullfilling role for so long, even though I'm still sort of sad. I guess maybe I'm feeling insecure about the whole thing after getting put down on it for awhile. I apologize if my questions seem ignorant etc, and for the long read, but there's not really anyone I've been able to openly discuss this with, and I've never really openly communicated on a forum involved in this lifestyle. I'm honestly hoping to hear all opinions and would love some advice or ideas on how to move forward or I guess rationalize better, I don't know.
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