[Emily]

Hello. I'm feeling a bit embarrassed asking this, partially because I feel like this is a simplistic enough question that I feel like I should know the answer to. I apologize if this is in the wrong place as well. I looked over the site, and through the quick run-through, I couldn't find an answer to this question.

Basically the question is this: is it weird to want both a Mommy and a Daddy? I suppose the correct thing to say to answer this question would be to bring up why exactly people want a Mommy or a Daddy in the first place. And I suppose that would be to bring up two different categories of physically intimate versus non-physically intimate littles. I haven't had enough exposure to know which one that I definitively belong to, but thus far, I'm open to both. For the longest time, I had assumed that the reason why I was so interested in having a Mommy was because in real life, I'm a heterosexual male who is interested in such, and as a result, having a Mommy would be the natural extension to my endeavor of becoming a baby girl.

However, through recent exposure to the DateCGL site, all I can say is that my intuition has changed. I've met a number of really nice and caring Daddies on the website, and it's made me review the reasons for why I wanted a Mommy in the first place. And it's brought to mind some complicated emotions in this regard.

To bring a complicated psychological profile into a quick summary, I believe that the reason why I've always been interested in being a baby girl is because my mind cannot separate the difference between having and being. Simply put, over the years, my psyche had always wanted to have a girlfriend, but my mind was too stupid to pick up what it was saying. As a result, things got switched up in my brain, and so crossdressing became the norm. And as one thing led to another, eventually I wound up as a baby girl, being the ultimate apex to crossdressing.

So, bringing to mind that complicated point, as I seek out a Mommy for my ultimate conclusion, what I'm stuck with is the original paradigm of my dilemma. If I am a baby girl, do I want the metaphorical substance that all of this is leading to, or do I want to BE the baby girl? And if I'm taking the guise of the baby girl, then under the DDlg system, would it be that strange to want to have a Daddy as a caregiver?

As I read ads relating to Daddies on the website, it brings to mind interesting variables. I'm actually attracted to it, surprisingly to the physically intimate aspect of it. And this proves to be a bit of a contradiction. As my original background lays out, I am a heterosexual male, and as a result, it wouldn't make sense as to why I would be interested in the physically intimate connotations of another Daddy, but as I'm thrown in between the hoops of Psychology, I'm stuck with the original question of having versus being.

And hence, I am completely lost. I feel like I want both a Mommy and a Daddy, but for completely different reasons for one another. And my ability to project the future seems to impaired as I consider this outcome. I have no idea on what to consider from all of this stuff.

Again, I apologize for the content of this question. No doubt a number of you clicked on this thread because you felt like it was a simplistic question with a simplistic answer, and then you got lost in the jibber-jabber of my psychological linguistics. As a result, feel free to tell me whatever you're feeling about this dilemma. Any help is better than no help.

[CosmianAndNovella]

Simplistic answer: no. It is not wrong. We don’t personally agree with polyamory, but if people find a dynamic that’s not morally wrong (polygamy is illegal in the US), and that’s not affecting people negatively, and doesn’t have a strong negative impact in this community, then it’s okay. Our personal preference is to people to stay in pairs, but that’s just our preference in the matter and doesn’t really fit the direction of this post.

Since we have had relation with you in the past, and this post seems to be quite personal, and this is a public post to the community, and we wish to spread education, we will add heavy perspective on this issue. Our perspectives are hard and perhaps go against what you believe, so we feel obligated to give you a trigger warning. But by no means is it our intention to insult or offend you. We simply see value in replying to this topic for educational purposes, for both the community and potentially yourself.

First of all, we don’t believe in having distinctions between “real life” and “role play”. If you, at any one point, play a role, then that role becomes a reality for you, part of your real life. We don’t believe in segmenting one’s personality, as personality and identity are conformed by all the thoughts, actions and feelings a person carries out, irrespective of what “space” you’re in. If you do ageplay, then the role of the age you take on corresponds to your personality, perhaps slightly modified to fit whatever age you’re trying to go for, but never any less yours.

We do strongly believe that you need to question yourself more not on more “advanced” topics, but more in what makes you have seemingly deeply clashing and contrasting lives you wish to live. We are specifically talking about identifying as both a heterosexual male, and a babygirl, at the same time. We are not saying that having those two “identities” is wrong. Absolutely not. However, we do feel that you need to take a better look at who you are, because the answer you are seeking to this post is very much based on what you identify as. If you take away an answer from this post, we have the fear that you will be building based upon a contradiction, and the more you build, the harder a reality check will hurt.

We do deeply encourage you to reach out to people in the community. To learn and explore. To have fun. To establish friendships. To find your partner(s). In spite of our past with you, we do wish for you to be successful! But without revealing much of what went on between us, we still see you lost and sincerely wish that you can see the path inwards, to learn what makes you want to be Emily. You do claim that you have an issue between HAVING and WANTING. That’s a good way to put it in our opinion. Thoughit extends a bit more than interpersonal relationships. It’s more like, “I am Emily, not because I like girls and Emily wants to be a girl, but because Emily is... and Emily likes...”. So and so.

We don’t wish to criticize you for it, because we do enjoy philosophy (although we’re not knowledgeable of the lines of thought, we do know some logic). You’re trying to give explanation of your desires with philosophical paradigms.

Here is this post’s logic boiled down to one sentence:
Since ‘I’ like to feel like a babygirl, AND
‘I’ believe in DDlg, AND
‘I’ found daddy-types whom ‘I’ like to hang out with, THEN
‘I’, my sexuality is not heterosexual.

That is a fallacy. The fallacy lies in that DDlg is not the only relationship type in existence. There is also MDlb, and, oh! MDlg. They all fall under the CG/L umbrella, which is universal for all Caregiver and Little relationship, regardless of gender. If you find a Mommy, that won’t mean you’re heterosexual and “Emily” is homosexual. Just as if you find a Daddy, that won’t mean that you’re homosexual and “Emily” is heterosexual. Just... Allow yourself to find love!

If you want a Mommy and a Daddy, then by all means, go for it. But don’t simply explore that option just because logic indicates that it is the next natural step.

See, we get the strong feeling that you’re boxing yourself due to your background. We do find prettiness in knowing and exercising terms, logic. But you are overextending your logic and creating a situation where you’re focusing too much on logic and you’re not identifying context correctly. You don’t necessarily need to be 100% logically (and if you think you need to abide by that all of the time, then we strongly suggest you seek some sort of professional consultation). Otherwise you become out of touch with who you are, with your realities, with your own identity.

Our two advices for you, are to:
a.) Keep scratching as to why you are Emily, how Emily coexists with Emily, what part of your personality is Emily, and
b.) Loosen up. Not everything needs to be binary. You can like boys, you can like girls. Don’t let silly words define who you are. Don’t be afraid to explore, we’re all here for you!

We sincerely, sincerely hope you can open your vision to a very alternative point of view. We know someone trying to change their reality is way difficult and is a process, but it can potentially provide with happiness and connection with oneself.

Thank you if you read this far.

Azure & Vanilla.

[xoxbug]

A poly relationship isn't weird but I don't think that's the real real question here that you're trying to answer because you know the answer to that. You know we're going to say it's ok because it's ok! You know. I think the question here your coming to is something that is only slightly related to that question. So I'm going to dig in if you can bare with me.....

Here are some of my thoughts about what you've written here...

You say you are a heterosexual male who wants to be a non-transgendered male babygirl in a polyamorous ageplay relationship with both male and female partners.

... I think you do not know who/what you are or want in full yet. I think you've gone past just considering life options and are trying to structure yourself in a way that "makes sense" when choosing from atypical options. Choosing what "makes sense" just because it makes sense is not going to bring you true happiness.

This post is complicated. It feels a lot like you're grasping at some sort of traditional relationship that somehow "makes sense" when seeking anything but traditional, normal, typical. It feels like you're trying to get to the root of why you are the way you are when you don't even know what you are or what you like or what you want to be yet. These lines are most interesting though...

"I had assumed that the reason why I was so interested in having a Mommy was because in real life, I'm a heterosexual male..."
&
"I believe that the reason why I've always been interested in being a baby girl is because my mind cannot separate the difference between having and being. Simply put, over the years, my psyche had always wanted to have a girlfriend..."
&
"If I am a baby girl, do I want the metaphorical substance that all of this is leading to, or do I want to BE the baby girl? And if I'm taking the guise of the baby girl, then under the DDlg system, would it be that strange to want to have a Daddy as a caregiver?"

I translate this too.....

"I'm only interested in pursuing a 'real' relationship with some form of intimacy with females so, naturally, I assumed I wanted a Mommy since there would be a level of intimacy in an ageplay relationship. Afterall on my very base level I am a male interested in females for intimate moments so it would be logical to pursue a relationship with a female, even when it involves this twist of ageplay to the relationship."
&
"I so desperately wanted a woman in my life that I've slowly started to become that woman myself through forms like crossdressing instead of pursuing an external relationship with another person. I've twisted that up into me becoming the woman and my fantasies of being a baby. So now I've become a single, lonely female baby. I still want a partner though."
&
"Since girls pair with guys, males with females traditionally, then it'd be more 'normal' that since I feel like a girl in my littlespace time that I pair with a male who will be my "Daddy". That would then be traditional DDLG and I'm trying to grasp onto some form of structure and logic where I don't feel structured or logical any longer. I completely forget that there could be any sort of intimacy here that would be fair to a prospective male partner--that or I've lied to myself entirely about my gender preferences for intimate relationships and still haven't come to full terms that I'm in fact NOT actually a heterosexual male."

Sexuality is not about who you think sounds like a nice person. I think my dog is a nice dog but I don't want to have a intimate relationship with my dog! That isn't sexuality. Thinking somebody is a nice person doesn't mean you want to be with them on a romantic level. If that was sexuality then we would seek for all of our friends to become our romantic partners in all situations. That doesn't make sense. Nice people can just be nice people. That's cool. It's cool to know nice people.

There are levels of intimacy. There are levels of attraction. There are levels of sexuality.

Think of sexuality as a sliding scale if you need to apply logic. Think of it as a scale from 1-10. 1 being completely heterosexual and 10 being completely homosexual. Most people are not 1 or 10. most people are somewhere in between, perhaps 2-3 or 8-9 for most heterosexual/homosexual identies. And this scale can change in time for some people. It isn't something that's decided once and then set in stone. Heterosexuality is more like... yea, I'm straight but there is maybe one or two very, very rare exceptions out in the world where I'd seriously consider having a relationship with a person of my same gender. Same goes with claimed homosexuality. Rarely is someone a firm 1 or a firm 10 is what I'm saying but even if they are an 8 it still may make best sense for them to claim homosexuality because exceptions to that for them are not common or expected.

Seeing or meeting one person of the same gender that is attractive, personality wise or physical wise, does not change your sexuality unless you would consider actually pursing intimacy with that person. THAT is where the key is! Ah-hah moment yet?

Example being that many, many straight men who would never be intimate with another man see a physically buff body builder guy and feel he's very attractive. Maybe they even think he's downright sexy. They want to be sexy. So they go to the gym and buy the protein drinks and work to gain muscle so that they look like the attractive body builder guy. Because they want to look like hot just like that one guy! Does that make that man gay? No. Does it make him not straight? No. We as humans see other humans and find attraction in them and can appreciate other humans without wanting to seek an intimate relationship.

I'm a girl. My best friend is the sweetest person I've ever met. She treats me with alot of respect and always helps me out when I need to talk about my problems. She's so giving and kind. I think she's pretty too. Do I want to be in a intimate relationship with her where she's my girlfriend? No! She's just a great person that I'm glad to know. Knowing that she's a wonderful person doesn't make me think I'm a lesbian or something either. Girls can be nice without me wanting to be intimate with them.

So I'm going to give you alot to think about below. Lots of questions to mull over. Take your time. Don't answer them publicly. Keep the answers to yourself. Sometimes people say things publicly because they want to build an image even if they don't realize that's what they're doing. So don't reply to these questions publicly. Keep the answers to yourself, in your head or a private notebook for yourself to go back to and look at in a little bit of time later (because this can take some time to really answer thoroughly and consistently to figure out where you fall and what you want in life so you should review your answers at later dates).

Questions to as, yourself about your actual sexuality:

0. Base question here... What does "intimacy" mean to you? Not a definition but just what acts are "intimate" to you and for you? What would you only do with someone probably somewhat rare to find who has worked to become very, very, very, very, very close to you?

1. Who, as in what gender(s), would you want an intimate relationship, either long or short term, with?

2. Who, as in what gender(s), would you want an intimate relationship, either serious or casual, with?

3. Who, as in what gender(s), would you want an intimate relationship with?

You don't need "why" answered. "Why" does not matter. Do not question "why". Don't do it! You are not at the why step at all yet and you may never get there but thats ok because you don't NEED the why!

Also important to remember is that intimacy comes in many forms. Don't equate intimacy to sex in all situations. We're talking things like.....

A. Who, as in what gender(s), do you see yourself being comfortably romantic with, even if just privately?
(Question to ask yourself here is what does romantic feel like to you?)

B. Who, as in what gender(s), do you feel you could truly bond with on a spiritual level, beyond them just being good, friendly people you simply get along well with?
(Question to ask yourself here is what is a friend vs what is a partner to you and how these roles differ in your life so that you know what lines mean what and how you identify when a friend is more than just a friend.)

C. When you think about intimacy (cuddling, kissing, hand-holding, sex, whatever intimate acts you prefer) then what gender feels like the "right" gender(s) for you to be paired with for those things? What feels good to you?
(Again no "why" needs to be questioned and no "logic" needs to be considered. What genders FEEL good to share these things with?)


Now... situations.....

How do you feel when prospective Daddy wants to be intimate with you?

How do you feel when prospective Mommy wants to be initmate with you?

Or do you think that because you regress then all form of adult body needs magically disappear from all parties involved in the dynamic?

Male-bodied individuals need relief and release approximately 1-3 times a month when in their 20s and 30s. That's a requirement for health. So, let's assume your Caregiver is tending to your body's need every month like that. Is that Caregiver male? Female? Either? Both? Doesn't matter? Does it matter?

No whys. Just answers.

Is the Caregiver in your head often gendered? Male or female? Or are they neutral? Or does it fluctuate? Are there multiple or one consistent one?

Where are your boundaries and limits with Caregivers when their adult bodies want relief and release? Are you willing to participate in these acts? If so, consider how that plays out with males and females based on their bodies. Figure out where your personal boundaries lay.

Take your time with this.

Do not ask yourself why to answers you give. You do not need why. You do not need logic. This is all emotional here. All about how you feel and what feels good and right to you. Feelings not logic. Feelings. Feelings are not logical. Feelings. You're looking for your feelings.

Huge hint to all of this...

YOUR gender doesnt matter. X does not always go with Y. Girls don't always need to be with boys. Kids don't always need 2 parents, and even if they do have 2 parents those 2 parents don't always need to have different genders. There is no logical foundations that are necessary to human relationship structures.
So just because you're a babygirl sometimes does not mean you need a Daddy sometimes. Just because you have a male body does not mean you need to have a female bodied partner.
Just because you're a little does not mean you need to have an ageplay family or multiple Caregivers.
All of these things are personal, preferences, and feelings.

Laaaaaaast... question yourself. Don't question us. Don't question strangers on an internet forum. We don't know who you are. Most are just going to nod and smile and agree with you because we don't know what else to do for you that doesn't feel like we're trying to bring you down.