[Littleprincefrodo]

SO just to begin with, I have a daddy/cg who im realy happy to have. He cares for me and is in gerneral realy supportiv of me. The problem is that I still somtimes feel like a second cg would be nice. I and my daddy have a long distance realtionship going maybe this is a factor but I dont know. what do you guys think? Is this just selfish of me?

[Motherly]

I don’t feel polyamory is wrong or selfish as long as all persons and relationships are treated fairly. Communication is crucial to keeping things healthy.

[Elvie]

It's not selfish to have needs one partner can't fulfill, just like it's not selfish of a partner to not be able to do everything you want them to. What WOULD be selfish is discussing a second daddy with your daddy, being told no and going and finding someone behind his back. If everyone involved knows the situation and is consenting to it, multiple partners work better for some people.

I would really consider it before bringing it up, though. Do you and your daddy intend to live together someday? What happens to daddy #2 then? Etc. (After all, this person is just an idea right now but should you find someone, they're also a person with feelings and needs!)

[Littleprincefrodo]

Well we already have talked about it but, he is not really happy about it, understandably. I think it will take a lot of work for myself to figure out what I want and how we can proceed in our realationship. I can totaly understand why doesnt want to "share" me but still the whole topic left me with a light ill feeling in the stomach

[Motherly]

It’s understandable you feel unwell when it’s something you desire but your partner is against it. I think it’s a lot like any major relationship issue though. You have to hear the other person and you both have to figure out how to adapt in a way that works for you both.

In the case of polyamory, you can’t really demand it. If your partner isn’t comfortable with it you can only talk to them about it or help to educate them if they don’t understand but you can’t bully them into wanting it too. In the end, you must accept and respect their decision for themself.

It might help to make a list of exactly what you think another relationship would realistically offer you. Then look to see if these things can be achieved in other ways, like by picking up a hobby to entertain yourself and fill your time or by getting a pet to resolve some minor loneliness, or by asking your partner if they can fulfill it—especially if it’s things like extra hugs or more encouraging words. Like anything else, not every desire will be fulfilled and, so, you have to figure out which ones are actually very important feeling to you and start from there.
You can also write down what you think you can realistically offer in a second relationship without compromising your first. You can flesh out the thought about how you would fulfill two relationships appropriately and fairly, and how those separate relationships would realistically function. Maybe you can see if it’d likely be too much to handle. Sometimes a daydream is nice but not really doable in reality.

Ultimately, this may just be an incompatibility, and you may just have to decide if your relationship is worth giving up in hopes of finding two+ partners who are okay with a polyamorous dynamic. It’s a lot to consider but it’s really all in your hands. Give yourself patience, think through your ideas, talk with your partner, and do your best to be okay with whatever decisions you come to. This doesn’t have to happen overnight.

[Littleprincefrodo]

Thank you, you have some good ideas there. I have played with the idea of getting a dog in the opast the Problem is that my arpatmen is first of all to small and last but not least it is also not allowed to have a pet inside the house.

[Motherly]

Maybe it’s a little off topic in a way but if you think a dog or cat might help you in some way then maybe you could see about volunteering at an animal shelter. I know when I lived in an apartment and I wanted a pet I ended up going to the animal shelter a lot, it was somehow very therapeutic in itself. I think they’re always looking for good volunteers, and it could give you the opportunity to walk and play with a dog regularly without actually owning one right now.

[Deleted User 70063]

Maybe it’s a little off topic in a way but if you think a dog or cat might help you in some way then maybe you could see about volunteering at an animal shelter. I know when I lived in an apartment and I wanted a pet I ended up going to the animal shelter a lot, it was somehow very therapeutic in itself. I think they’re always looking for good volunteers, and it could give you the opportunity to walk and play with a dog regularly without actually owning one right now.

I really like that idea personally. Having an animal companion can help a lot to have some companionship in between your long-distance relationship. I can definitely see it being super beneficial for caretakers as well, since an animal does rely on you for a lot of things. I am not certain how much it would help a little, but I think it definitely would be good for a lot of things. It would also help pass time in between activities and converstations with your caretaker and can even add to those discussions as well. Something definitely worth considering. The volunteer route might also be better if taking care of an animal at your own place puts too much strain on you, but still allows you to do it part time.