- 2 years ago
#57887
I've never had or been a caretaker so I can't speak when it comes to establishing a relationship dynamic in that respect. But now would definitely be the time for you both to deeply reflect on what you both want from this dynamic and also the things you DO NOT want from it. Make sure you're on the same page instead of either of you assuming that the other will just magically know what they want or automatically want the same things.
For me, I've always kind of known this about myself my whole life, so it was less a matter of sitting down and planning it out, more just being aware of how certain things make me feel so I could replicate that feeling for myself when I wanted it, if that makes sense? So I would first say just try everything (within reason)! Even things you might think aren't for you! If you're curious about something, give it a shot. (Obviously this has its limits; nothing that could harm you or anyone else, be financially responsible, make sure you're not neglecting responsibilities, etc.) You probably know your "big" self fairly well at this point, so that'll give you a bunch of clues (for example, I definitely don't need to try fingerpainting again as an adult to know it's not for me because I can't stand being messy), and so might remembering what you liked when you were a kid (food in particular is a strong trigger for those feelings for me for whatever reason). What things make you feel calm, what things make you feel safe, what things make you feel like you can ignore the normal stressful things and just have fun for a minute? If you already have answers, great, go from there! If you don't know yet, you can just try things and see what you like. It's okay to decide things aren't for you, even if they're popular. Say you try using a bottle and it's not for you for some reason. There's no need to keep doing it just because other people like it, or because you already spent money on it, or because you feel like it's something a little "should" do. Focus on you and your feelings. (Again though your partner's comfort levels with things do need to be discussed; make sure you establish that if either of you is uncomfortable with something the other does, it's something that can and should be addressed as soon as possible instead of ignoring it and hoping it stops.)
You don't really need to worry about defining things specifically unless that's something you want to do personally. It's okay if you can't really explain what you do or why you like it; you don't need to make a case for it to anyone but yourself!