A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

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KushDaddyKing
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A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby KushDaddyKing » 9 months ago

I am indeed a 23 year old Daddy Dom. Though I'm kind of new to the DD/lg lifestyle and just recently started to fully embrace it, I have always felt the need to display dominance over my partner since the very first time I had relations. I quickly got into BDSM because it was and probably still is the most common lifestyle among dominant males. Just as quickly though, I realized BDSM was too violent and brutal for me. So without any research into any other lifestyles or kinks I found a lifestyle that worked for me. It is still aggressive and painful but only when my partner was being punished for something she knew was forbidden based on rules as well as trial and error.

That leads me to my first question for all you little ones.... Are there any little ones out there who knew what they wanted since the very first time they had relations? And for those of you who didn't know since the first time, how did the world of DD/lg grow on you.

One last question before I turn in for the evening though.....

What is your little definition of true abuse and where is the lne drawn? For example, if you like to be smacked in the face at what point does a smack in the face turn from punishment or sensual play into full on abuse?

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JuneStar
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy

Postby JuneStar » 9 months ago

Are there any little ones out there who knew what they wanted since the very first time they had relations?

Yes. I think many of us realize that we aren't socially normal. For me, it was a strange feeling that led me to begin searching the internet for an answer as to why I felt like wanting my partner to be, well, a "Daddy" during relations. I found out about ageplay at that time and realized it described my desires exactly.
Being little is not always sensual for people though, so you should keep that in mind. For some people, it is completely separate from relations.

What is your little definition of true abuse and where is the line drawn? For example, if you like to be smacked in the face at what point does a smack in the face turn from punishment or sensual play into full on abuse?

I think this is more simple than people realize. I think to some degree you should know your partner, their limitations (personal limitations, physical limitations, psychological, hardlimits), their boundaries, and dislikes. If you don't know these things then, for me, the question is why are you in bed with them? Why are you engaging in a form of BDSM with a complete stranger?
Boundaries should never be pushed, in my opinion. Hard limits are hard limits for a reason. If someone says they feel uncomfortable with something or that they just flat-out don't want to do something specific then it's just selfish and abusive to pursue pushing it further and further with them.

"I don't like being slapped in the face," doesn't mean you should slap them not as hard in the face just because you're into that. It doesn't give you a window to say, "Well, maybe you'll like it with me!"

Also, sometimes the other person doesn't want to engage in a scene and that should be fine. Just because they're a little--or even your little--doesn't mean you have special rights to decide when to play and when not to play in scenes. If they say, "I don't want to be punished over this right now. I'm just not feeling it today. I know I should have done xyz, but I'm just feeling down/sad/upset today and just didn't do it," then it shouldn't be met with an instant spanking and scene, in my opinion. It should be met with an adult conversation to figure out why your partner is feeling down/sad/upset and how you can help them in an adult-to-adult, partner-to-partner way.

Communication with your partner prior to anything is the most important. It is vital. If you don't know the person you're engaging with then you don't know when things become abusive and you may be going down a bad path. You should know the person enough so that when things escalate you have an idea when you to back off and they feel comfortable enough to safeword without shame if needed.

"No" should always mean no. By "no" I mean either the word flat-out or the agreed upon safeword. If someone safewords then things need to, at the very least, pause so that the scene momentarily ends and both people can figure out what needs to change or stop without embarrassment or shamed feelings.

A safeword should always be able to be said at any and all times to pause the moment. It, and the person saying it, should be respected.

In the BDSM sense of things, aftercare is also extremely important because people need to feel loved and cared about. After a scene where abuse was, essentially, roleplayed then it's important to let the other person know that you really do care about them and their needs--that they aren't just a "fucktoy" or worthless. Neglecting someone's emotional needs is never okay.

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IM_A_PRINCESS
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy

Postby IM_A_PRINCESS » 9 months ago

I am a recently discovered little 27F but we have always had a DD/LG or CG/LG relationship (9 years) but we didn't know it was anything we just thought that is how our relationship was. I recently found out from a friend who is into BDSM what it really was. I never looked into it because I always thought it was something I was not into. I made assumptions of it being all the Dom and nothing about the Sub which is the furthest from the case. I had brought it up to him and he is not comfortable with being called "daddy" but has other names he likes instead. We are not much into the sensual dd/lg side of it but we are slowly starting, he is still a bit uncomfortable with it since he is so much bigger and stronger than I am and is scared of actually hurting me accidentally.

I agree with Star that you have to know your little inside and out and only when you can say 100% that you do can you really be their DD. You have to know what they want, how to read body language, depression, anxiety, likes, dislikes, and much more. You both have to be on the same page and understand both of your wants and needs so that no one gets hurt (beyond acceptance) or upset.

elizabeth9713
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby elizabeth9713 » 8 months ago

Hello!

To answer you're question, as for where i draw the line is dependent upon the person. There should be clear set boundaries in the relationship, and when there is punishment there should be confrontation too. A safe word is another way to stay within boundaries. Mainly it's communication though: if you don't know, then ask. Personally my lines are canes or blood. Some little's might draw the line at bruising or severe welts. Even if it's consensual, in my opinion, broken bones, throwing or sever bodily harm is abuse, especially without purpose. Obviously if its consensual and something accidentally happens there might be some leighway, but its all situational.
Personally, acting out of anger is also abuse. There should be a time period if you're truly truly infuriated at your little in which you both step away and cool down and then re approach. A tip for this: tell them you'll decide their punishment in the morning; the waiting game is 5000x worse than any punishment you could give them at that very moment. The only time you should punish a little right away is if its a playful situation such as intentional brattiness, lying about something small/blaming it on a stuffie, etc. If you feel hot from anger don't ever lay a hand on them.

-lizzie

oDaddys-Kittyo
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby oDaddys-Kittyo » 8 months ago

for me abusive is when he really hits me out of anger. Or when the smack is to be punishing on the face.
:stuffie: Amber

Kittenskul
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby Kittenskul » 8 months ago

Yes I have known since my first encounter in the sensual world. I learned I love to be dominated. Though my boyfriend don't like to be too dominate which makes me kinda upset BC he wants me to be dominate so we just stop any action we had. And the abuse is when it is against their will to me.

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Cutie
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby Cutie » 8 months ago

Are there any little ones out there who knew what they wanted since the very first time they had relations?
My first time sucked and I didn't enjoy it and I was just bored and intoxicated - it was just that occasion that I ever had relations with anyone other than daddy (before we got together.) :lol: It wasn't until I was about 6+months of being sensually active with my first relations partner (now daddy!) that I slowly developed my wants/needs.

And for those of you who didn't know since the first time, how did the world of DD/lg grow on you.
I think I've always had a little inside me but being in my first relationship and being a deep and committed lover (as well as having it reciprocated) made me more and more open to the point I can let that part of me out. It helped my depression A LOT. I'm not depressed anymore whatsoever. :pacy: Since we got together, my daddy also always had the need to always try to somehow help or "fix" me since we grew up knowing eachother before we dated and I was having huge issues and struggling with life. I guess that inevitably leads to a care-giving personality, especially when I went from annoyingly clingy to -> attached but respecting his time and his other goals which meant his love for me grew. He accepted how attached I was but grew to want it and feel appreciated being so needed and loved :lol: I guess that's another daddy trait too. A year into our relationship was when the DD/lg dynamic became obvious. I somehow found out about it and ended up doing a lot of research then realized we already fit so many of the definitions and traits of the dynamic, yet we used vanilla petnames. We had a discussion and from then on we agreed that is what we are and we'd transition to using the terms I wanted (I had a hard time calling him daddy at first, had to call him by "pa" for a long time.) After the agreement I got littler and littler and happier and happier over time. Daddy also matured more and became a better partner in general too. We definitely have a very strong bond and feel like our constant affection and love for eachother hasn't faded at all even though this is our 3rd year together :lol:



What is your little definition of true abuse and where is the lne drawn? For example, if you like to be smacked in the face at what point does a smack in the face turn from punishment or sensual play into full on abuse?
My little definition of true abuse regarding smacking: If daddy smacks anything other than my butt outside of relations, if I can feel ANGER behind any slaps to my face during relations (I can tell!!!).
But in general... All things should be discussed and consented beforehand before it EVER happens, that's the basic rule. Daddy and I don't have a safe word because we aren't super into aggressive things, so he can definitely tell if I'm genuinely in pain, and we never say NO for fun, so NO is definitely the default safe word we have without having to discuss it. Also, I think smacking someone in the face, even if they are into BDSM, can count as abuse if it was never discussed.

Adriana6969
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Joined: 7 months ago
Role: Little girl

Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby Adriana6969 » 7 months ago

I was into the ddlg lifestyle since the first time I had relations. My boyfriend at the time was into it so he became my daddy and I've loved the lifestyle ever since.

It's always good to set boundaries with your partner. For instance I'll just say that's too much if it makes me feel uncomfortable.

shygirl_661
Posts: 2
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Role: Just Curious - Undecided

Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby shygirl_661 » 7 months ago

I hwavent had relations yet but when i do i want my first to be with a daddy and i never want him to hit my unless its on my bottom othee wise i would think its abuseabuse. I dont think i would handle being hit ever unles its for punishment or pleasure

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littleAshiee
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Re: A question or two; for littles old or new! From a Daddy Dom

Postby littleAshiee » 7 months ago

My first time was with my first daddy so yes I knew what I wanted the first time I had relations.
I think that during play and scenes you both kind of need to decide what is okay and not. That's where limits come in and safe words. If your partner likes being slapped and degraded during play then it's not abuse as long as it is part of the session and proper aftercare is given. I personally am into slapping in he face as a punishment as well. I would draw the line at it being out of frustration or just randomly. like I wouldn't want my daddy to just go around slapping me in the face just because or when he is angry or frustrated. That's when it turns into. Punishment should never be given when a dom is pissed off and angry. but again anything like that needs to be discussed and agreed upon. that's the simplest way to keep it from being abuse.


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