The last 4 daddy doms I have met make me want to quit

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Ami
Posts: 15
Joined: 2 months ago
Role: Mommy

Re: The last 4 daddies I have met make me want to quit

Postby Ami » 2 months ago

Let me just say firstly, I am sorry for your experiences, I truly am.

I come from a background of D/s and it is exactly the same. There are a whole lotta self professed doms out there that have no idea. Many of them are sensual sadists or abusers who think they can slap the dominant label on and get what they want. Just doesn't work like that.
There are also a lot out there that are simply inexperienced, they don't follow safewords, they don't know about aftercare or the drop... frankly, they are dangerous and cause subs a whole world of pain.
I have rescued multiple subs from toxic dynamics or relationships. It takes months for them to recover.

There are also subs out there that have no clue what they want or worse, what they need. An experienced dominant or caregiver may well already have a good idea if they know them, they may have a feel to what the sub or little needs, but the sub should know what they need. They should be able to articulate this and the dominant should listen.

There are all too many abusers out there and this is exactly why CG's and littles alike need to take time to find the right one.. there's no rush. I know you feel the need, but just remember, the damage from a bad relationship goes on.. you are better spending months waiting than years recovering. Some don't recover, for some their trust has been burned so badly they can't ever be little again with another.

Power exchange relationships are 50:50, the CG and little both need to look after each other. If your needs are not being met, there's a problem. This kind of thing should be talked about well before any promises are made or a "pairing" occurs.

Littles: Most of you are vulnerable in one way or another and you seriously need to take your time to ensure that the dominant or caregiver is the one for you and experienced enough to be able to care for you properly. You don't offer the keys to your heart without at least knowing who you are giving them to. You should look them up... Are they experienced? Do they have a history and if so, what is it? Do they do anything which has your friends worried about you? Do any of their behaviours set off the proverbial alarm bells? Are they truly caring for you, or demanding you satisfy them? Do they listen when you speak up or do they tell you to be quiet? Do they look after you?
Be aware, be safe.

Caregivers: You have a responsibility to the little. If you are not educated in the care of someone in this situation and dynamic, then you are dangerous. They are reaching out and they are in need, if you are all take, all about yourself then you should leave. Caregiving is just that, it is not all about you.
Many of them have been hurt deeply in their lives and they may or may not have someone to talk to, this could be voluntary, or involuntary age regression therapy. Just think about the amount of damage you could do it you treat them as your personal toy and don't care for their own needs. You may even do exactly what a previous abuser did to them.
If you think that you will be worshipped, that it is all about your little doing everything for you and dedicating their life to your happiness and you don't have to do a thing, then I am sorry but you are not a caregiver, you are a user.

Everyone: There's a lot of newbies on here that are just beginning to explore the CG/l dynamic. You need to educate yourselves. There's classes available online, there's groups in major cities, there's people out there that are willing to help. There's a seemingly endless amount of information you can read on BDSM and much of it applies, if you do not know the basics, you're dangerous. You're either going to hurt, or get hurt.

Please, I implore every single one of you to spend some time every week researching and reading about power exchange relationships, BDSM and the like. No matter how experienced you are, there is always something new to learn.

Hurting in the name of love is one of the most hope destroying and destructive things you can do to a person.


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