Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
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#58740
I love my therapist and she treats me like a child some times and lets me baby talk during my therapy sessions for depression. Been seeing her for less than 2 years. I like to pretend she’s my mommy and she didn’t stop me from calling her mommy before when I do. I love her soo much like that! I want to ask her officially to be my mommy and have more meetings. How can I do that without making it a big deal? I don’t want to loose her! Also I think she’s married and I want her to know I only want her to be my mommy and no sex so she’s not cheating
#58741
If she was to agree to be your mommy she would lose her licences and you would lose her as your therapist. Also her husband could still see it as cheating. Just letting you know. I have a therapist that calls me pet names to help calm down because she knows I am little and thinks it helps me. Yours could be doing the same thing.
#58745
Oh my god this is a terrible idea.

I'm not in a place to mince words about this.

Your therapist is YOUR THERAPIST. Your relationship with her is a paid, professional one. The emotional support she gives you is because it is HER JOB TO PROVIDE THAT. This is NOT an interpersonal relationship.

Likewise, of course you feel love for her - your entire relationship with her is about you, your needs, your wants, your mental health. And that's how therapist/patient relationships are. But none of it is coming from a place of their wanting an intimate personal relationship with you (and cgl relationships are by nature intimate even if they aren't romantic or physically intimate.)

And a real relationship with another person, cgl or otherwise, is NEVER going to just be about you the way a therapist/patient dynamic is. Right now you have zero responsibility towards this person. Their needs, wants, etc, have never gotten in the way of your desires. Everything is about you, so of course it feels perfect to you. But this is not how a healthy personal relationship works. Even if for some reason you DID end up cultivating this relationship with her, it wouldn't be like it is now. You would have responsibilities towards her mental health, well-being, wants, needs, desires, whathaveyou. A cgl relationship is NOT a true parent/child dynamic, it's two adults meeting each other on a different level than most adult relationships take place. Right now you're basically always a "baby" with her. In a personal relationship, you would NEED TO BE AN ADULT. It requires GIVE and take from both parties, not just the cg.

And even if you're thinking "okay but I could do that" - 1. would you REALLY be ready for this "relationship" to change so drastically? And 2. it doesn't really matter because THIS PERSON IS YOUR THERAPIST, not your friend, not your partner. To say nothing of the ethics of the situation on her end, and the risk it would create for her in terms of her career and reputation if people found out.

Also, she's married, or in a relationship? Would you be expecting her to do this behind her partner's back? Do you really think they're going to be onboard with this if she just says "oh by the way I'm entering a cgl relationship with one of my patients?" If this is someone you supposedly care about, why would you want to put her in this position?
#59017
Both other replies are good and something to think about. Elvie made a Really good point because I doubt you ever once actually thought about your therapist as more than an object for your needs and the person that she is.
#59028
I just want to add, take it from someone whose therapist considered her - me - a friend. It's odd and peculiar when a therapist - who has that specific dynamic where they don't share, shares too much. Where I know everything about his life, wants, needs, worries, fears, and felt uncomfortable because it took away from my therapy sessions. I remember several years ago I refused to tell him stuff because I thought he was "too fragile" to handle it. It was a source of contention and led to me quitting therapy with him for a time. It's not okay for a therapist to insert themselves into the therapist/patient relationship, or tarnish it in any way. It's supposed to be a safe place, a sounding board, an hour or two where you talk about you. It's not supposed to require social interaction effort because sometimes we aren't mentally up to giving the effort required for that, sometimes we are barely managing to stay afloat and need that therapy session to hold on, learn and be guided into healing. I had a really hard time in that therapy with him because he wasn't able to delineate boundaries. Therapy with him felt as if it were for him just as much for me. He'd talk endlessly about himself, his traumas, his problems, and his opinions, for hours. It wasn't okay. You don't want a therapist that compromises professionalism, who is selfish, who takes. They are being paid to help you. You can get a give-and-take relationship with your friends, lovers, and family. That said, you also don't want to treat a lover or friend as a therapist. It puts way too much on them. No one should get into a relationship where it's about healing or fixing someone, that isn't healthy.

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