- 6 years ago
#37831
So I had to break up with my Daddy Dom / Baby Boy again. I can't do this anymore. Long story, lots of sickness, addiction, etc. The last thing he needs right now is a relationship, and even tho it's killing me to stay away, I have to, for both our sakes.
I was on the phone with his sponsor (a straight cis guy) the other night, and he said "I know what you're losing." After I got off the phone, all I could think was, no you don't. You don't have a clue. See, that guy, however well intentioned, thinks I'm a girl who is losing my boyfriend. The truth is more complex, and gives me very little hope that I will ever find the right person for me.
I don't even know how to describe my identity. I've spent so much time gaslit and confused. But here's me being as honest as I can be:
- I'm Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB), but I don't feel like a girl. Or a boy. At least not all the time.
- I feel like there is more than one of me, and it's not "roleplaying".
- I'm a sex worker, mostly former these days while I recover my health, and it's always been in part a gender identity thing. I love being Daddy's Hot Goddess
- Uh... but I also want to be Daddy's Ultimate Workout Bro
- And sometimes Daddy's little girl
- And sometimes, Big Bro's Little Bro
- And sometimes, The Mama Domme
- And I think sometimes, I want to be Daddy, maybe? At least I'd like to try?
Oh yknow, and plus I'm polyamorous, in every 12-step meeting under the sun, and I have no idea if I'm straight gay or bisexual or something freakin' else. I don't want to do people as property, and I also don't want to do sex addiction masquerading as polyamory - I want, ultimately, committed family. I don't think I care if Daddy is assigned male or female, but I have a preference for Daddy, I know that. But I could never do "Daddy" all the time. I have to switch! I think a 60-40 switch, or 70-30, is ideal for me.
I guess all I'm wondering is, is this really too hard for everyone in the world? Or is it just that I live in a podunk town where no one knows anything?
Is there any hope for me having a partnership, like ever?
This isn't a personal ad. Please, no "call me!" here. I just need some understanding / identification - feel completely unwantable, I just had to break up with someone I really love, and I'm not sure I'm ever going to find what I'm looking for on the face of the earth. And I wonder if there is anyone out there who is anything like me.
I was on the phone with his sponsor (a straight cis guy) the other night, and he said "I know what you're losing." After I got off the phone, all I could think was, no you don't. You don't have a clue. See, that guy, however well intentioned, thinks I'm a girl who is losing my boyfriend. The truth is more complex, and gives me very little hope that I will ever find the right person for me.
I don't even know how to describe my identity. I've spent so much time gaslit and confused. But here's me being as honest as I can be:
- I'm Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB), but I don't feel like a girl. Or a boy. At least not all the time.
- I feel like there is more than one of me, and it's not "roleplaying".
- I'm a sex worker, mostly former these days while I recover my health, and it's always been in part a gender identity thing. I love being Daddy's Hot Goddess
- Uh... but I also want to be Daddy's Ultimate Workout Bro
- And sometimes Daddy's little girl
- And sometimes, Big Bro's Little Bro
- And sometimes, The Mama Domme
- And I think sometimes, I want to be Daddy, maybe? At least I'd like to try?
Oh yknow, and plus I'm polyamorous, in every 12-step meeting under the sun, and I have no idea if I'm straight gay or bisexual or something freakin' else. I don't want to do people as property, and I also don't want to do sex addiction masquerading as polyamory - I want, ultimately, committed family. I don't think I care if Daddy is assigned male or female, but I have a preference for Daddy, I know that. But I could never do "Daddy" all the time. I have to switch! I think a 60-40 switch, or 70-30, is ideal for me.
I guess all I'm wondering is, is this really too hard for everyone in the world? Or is it just that I live in a podunk town where no one knows anything?
Is there any hope for me having a partnership, like ever?
This isn't a personal ad. Please, no "call me!" here. I just need some understanding / identification - feel completely unwantable, I just had to break up with someone I really love, and I'm not sure I'm ever going to find what I'm looking for on the face of the earth. And I wonder if there is anyone out there who is anything like me.