[Elvie]

This isn't really a problem I want solved or anything, just like...wondering if anyone else ever feels like this I guess?

The only interaction I get with people who identify as littles or caregivers or whathaveyou is online (this was true before COVID but now I definitely don't see that changing!), and while everyone I meet is very nice to me, I have trouble relating to or connecting with them.

Most of the people I come across are using online spaces to show off their little outfits or talk about their daddies/relationships and how they wish they could regress 24/7 and live like a little one full time, and I just can't relate to that to the point where I feel kind of weird about it.

Am I really the only one who just, like...wants to take an hour out of the day or whatever to vibe in this headspace and then go on and do other things? I have no desire for a caregiver - which is fortunate because my partner has no interest in it. She's supportive and even indulgent of me but it's not really something she relates to. I'm very used to self-regulating, having been regressing since I was literally a child myself. (And as a child I preferred to be by myself a lot of the time, so I suppose some things never change!)

Likewise my "littlespace" experiences seem so different than everyone else's. I don't "fully" regress - if I'm sitting there reading Berenstain Bears books and realize "oh crap the rent is due!" I'm gonna drop everything and write that check real quick because I WILL forget again. Part of it is that my mother lives with me and she has no real respect for my personal bubble or time - in her mind she does but she doesn't quite understand that being interrupted nonstop throughout the course of the day is very aggravating for me, so she thinks I'm just in a bad mood all the time for no reason. But I'm also just used to always having to keep reality in the back of my mind at all times. It'd be nice to feel like I didn't have to but I'm also not sure I would be much different even if given the opportunity. My mind is ALWAYS going 300 mph anyway. Not good at settling down and just existing.

Other people describe actually feeling like a child, writing and coloring with less control, altered speech patterns and vocabulary, memory loss/fuzzy memories of regression...that's not what I experience. The ONLY difference I've ever observed in myself, because I spend so much time writing or texting, is a "looser" approach with grammar and vocabulary, which I would assume comes from feeling more relaxed and less concerned about appearing "smart" or "like a functional adult"-

As an aside, I'm disabled and neurodivergent - ADHD that is not medicated currently - so I spend a lot of energy overcompensating to make myself appear on the level of others, although my disabilities are not intellectual people still make assumptions that if you can't do things like have a job you must be stupid or incompetent...and it's hard to not internalize that sometimes) and also yes from feeling more childlike. -

But it's fairly minor, I'm the only person who really notices I think, my partner doesn't and she knows me best, so...and I suppose I've had most of the same friends for most of my life now, so they're all probably used to it even if they don't register it as anything more than me being less uptight, haha. But I really think no one even notices - which is good for me because I'd rather keep this separate!

I also have no real interest in things like pacifiers - makes sense since I never feel quite THAT young - and while I don't have a specific regression age, in terms of developmental milestones and interests I could put myself anywhere from 5-6 to a tween depending on the day. Meanwhile most littles I meet seem to be in the 0-4 range, which again makes it hard for me to relate. Don't get me wrong I love that they have places where they can be open with pacifiers, onesies and diapers! I just feel like the only one who isn't into that stuff either!

I get that none of the external stuff is "necessary" but I do wish I could fit in with others better. Can anyone else relate?

[Motherly]

I’m going to probably sound very controversial here but it is through my experience that what you describe yourself to be is genuine and really, truly how most of these personalities actually play out.

Online, people definitely inflate themselves to be or want something they aren’t. Realistically, nobody could truly happily lived as a fully regressed child 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without experiencing boredom and depression quite often. Our brains need age-appropriate stimulation, and that includes not only learning new things and having intellectual or challenging social conversations but also making real achievements. There is some good, proven psychology that backs up the inability to live regressed.

People also fluff up their experiences, feelings, and incapabilities. They want some positive attention and reinforcement that what they’re doing is not only acceptable to someone but also desired. Everyone wants to be accepted. Everyone wants to be desirable. So, they fabricate what happened or take a ton of photos that they dressed up specifically to take. That’s just social media and online interactions now. People see this virtual world as a non-reality where they can tell some lies and it’s no big deal. There’s a high reward of praise with very little consequences for most of these situations.

Everyone has stress. Everyone feels sad, lonely, depressed, on edge, stressed out, uncomfortable, out of place, etc. at some points in life. I’ve realized that many people in the community have come to believe that living as a child again will make it so that those feelings and situations never have to happen. That’s not how life works though and there’s nothing wrong with feeling an emotion aside from happiness. But I believe that many of these people feel like if other people believe the most outlandish regressed things then it’s easier for them to believe they can actually achieve a life full of only happiness as long as they keep pretending acting out as a child will eventually give them that. Many are convinced a caregiver will magically cater to all of their needs and that their presence alone will guarantee only happy emotions. It’s escapism, really, but in a sweetly twisted way that’s not only accepted but encouraged online.

It’s like becoming a character in a romance novel. Or the princess in a Disney movie. Some people want so much to believe their lives can be this simple and without any hardship yet be ultimately fulfilling.

You describe the biggest problem with the community though, and the real reason that the community is not a community at all. Most people are preoccupied with one-upping each other to feel good about themselves, and others have built up a fantasy they’ve convinced themselves can be true if they believe it enough. Unfortunately, if you question anyone you’re immediately deemed to be bad even if you’re right.

Very few people genuinely connect with another person in the community. It’s actually just a lot of fantasy talking into the abyss, a lot of roleplay and pretending to be a character, idolization of scenes becoming never ending, and very little attention given to others. It’s a good chat a few times about their favorite color or dino nuggets, a RP partner they never know deeper than a shared fantasy world, or a group of strangers that praises them for pretending to be helpless because they wish they could be as happy as the person’s claiming they are. That’s…that’s truly most of what’s going on…

I’m so sorry you feel like you don’t truly fit in. You do though. I know I just said the opposite but that is just the majority. You’re just being more real and honest. I really hope you stay around here though. There ARE a few people who frequent this site who are real and mostly honest too. They’re often drowned out because they aren’t attention-seeking or claiming exaggerated things.
But if you hang around they’ll pop up and those are the real gems who will actually understand you.

[LittleEss]

Wow, thank you for that awesome reply, Motherly! It really gives me comfort.
Elvie, I also have really close to the “adult” side of life, although I wish I could be able to stay in little space at least for a few hours. I have a teddy and a blanket, and love cuddles. I’ve tried pacifiers and like it (and think I’m cute with it), but I can’t find a good fit and it’s a hard limit for my partner so it doesn’t seem worth it.
While I do enjoy crafting and puzzles, I need them to be challenging. I can’t imagine doing actual crafts and puzzles aimed for kids, it would feel too much as playing a character and for me that would be counterproductive. I need little space to be able to be me.
If I would be able to sink into little space for a couple of hours that might change. I once fell deeper into little space than before and noticed my speech, motor skills and thinking being slower and more uncoordinated (I fell over a baby gate, timber style, so I’ll be careful about it in the future).
My partner is not a cg. She is kind, compassionate and a good listener, but doesn’t really understand my need to be little.
I too feel a bit lost here, but sometimes you find a conversation that strikes a cord - like this one.
Sometimes I read here about others fantasies when I need to connect with my little side, like today when my counsellor cancelled my appointment and I feel more stressed out than normally. I take the stories for what they are, and don’t really care if they are true or not.
Today I read (and answered) a thread about a perfect little day that I really enjoyed. Maybe because it’s honest in the sense of being clear about being about fantasies?
Thank you for starting this thread by the way.

[Elvie]

I should be clear that I don't ever feel unwelcome by people, just like we're all kind of into different things. Like...if I went to a tabletop gaming event and I was the only one who played Magic and everyone else liked D&D. We'd probably get along fine, we'd still have stuff in common and still know a little about what the other was into, but they're also very different.

I've been here before about four years ago...dunno why I stopped coming here, but everyone has always been nice! I guess sometimes I think about it more than others and I have definitely had a lot of time to do personal reflecting these past couple years! Glad to be back though. Even reading old posts is nice!

It makes sense that people might want to exaggerate things to how they wish they were instead of how they actually are. While I don't personally share the desires they express, I get how one might feel that way. God knows I would love it if someone would just tell me what to have for dinner so I don't have to decide! And if I can choose between chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and normal ones, obviously it's the dinosaurs (and obviously I'm gonna bite off the head and legs before I eat the rest of the body), I'm just...fine with also being the one who cooks them.

LittleEss, I feel like you get a lot of what I'm saying! That's really interesting about things like motor skills declining as you get deeper into it. (Honestly I'm so clumsy in everyday life I don't think I'd be capable of noticing that...I've lived in the same apartment my whole life and I still bang my arm on one particular doorknob when I walk down the hall!)

And I enjoy some things genuinely aimed at kids - picture books, non-adult coloring books (the adult ones are too fussy for me, although I like the "adult" themed ones done in kid coloring book style too; adult as in funny/grown-up human, not "adult" like "ADULT"), and some TV shows, but children's toys and crafts aren't really my thing (aside from the ones I collect as an adult...go figure!) (And I did just get a bunch of string for making friendship bracelets...I'm tired of being on my phone when I watch TV but I need SOMETHING to do besides just sit there and watch it, and people have TRIED to teach me to crochet and needlepoint but it's never gone well...tying knots in string is about as advanced as I get!) The only puzzle I currently own is a 1,000 piece Animal Crossing one a friend got me - I just don't currently own a table big enough to do it on!

I've never thought of being cuddly as an especially "little" thing but I'm the same way; need to be touching my person at all times or I get antsy. And I forever wish I were still small enough to sit on people's laps! (I have five inches on my partner; if I sit down on the only chair somewhere, she can sit on me just fine, but I would actually crush her!) Honestly that's the only time I get annoyed with being stuck with an "adult" body in terms of the little thing.

[LittleEss]

Oh, to be able to sit - or even better curl up - in my wife’s lap! I’m 1/4 inch smaller and weigh less, but she still think it’s way too uncomfortable.
What other things do you enjoy when you feel little?

[Elvie]

Oh, to be able to sit - or even better curl up - in my wife’s lap! I’m 1/4 inch smaller and weigh less, but she still think it’s way too uncomfortable.
What other things do you enjoy when you feel little?

Books are my favorite things! Either being read to or reading them myself. I also really wish there were swings that fit me, but I'm fairly sure those don't exist. When I was less heavy than I am now I'd occasionally pop into a playground near me for the swings (only when it was empty and at times of day where children wouldn't be there; my plan was always "get up and leave if kids and their parents/nannies/teachers show up"). What about you?

[LittleEss]

At the moment I mostly crave cuddles with my blanket, stuffie and pacifier. Preferably in my wife’s lap (although I leave the pacifier if I’m with her since it makes her uncomfortable).
At other times I enjoy doing puzzles and I have a few favourite books that I collect. But that’s things I generally do when I want to relax and not specifically when I feel little.
I also like to take out my stone collection that I have had since I was a child.
I have never really played roll play with friends, dolls or stuffies, not even as a child. I always preferred crafts, reading and organising and I guess I’m the same now.
I’m very tactile and the younger I feel, the more need I have to touch things around me.
I often end up here when I feel little, it’s reassuring and calming for some reason. Safe maybe.

[Elvie]

You collect stones too! That's so cool! I've been doing it since I was a kid, too, but I never stopped! There's definitely something about them that draws kids in.

I definitely relate to the need for touch, from another person or otherwise. My poor partner, whenever she's around me, some part of me is always touching her. She doesn't mind but I sometimes wonder if she remembers what personal space is. I never really associated that with being little until right now, but it makes sense. I'm like that with everyone, though, I mean everyone who doesn't mind it/likes being hugged, etc. But most of all my partner.

[LittleEss]

I have a really cool stone collection. Most of it is in a box, but I have a few on display. I have the usual stuff kids pick up, and polished ones you can buy, but I also have an amethyst I found in a parking place, a fossilised shark tooth I found when in a camp with school and a stone I grinded on my own when on a otherwise boring holiday with my parents. I also got a few cool ones from my grandmother. Vulcanised glass from Lanzarote and copper slag from the mine in the city she grew up.

[LittleEss]

Part of my collection on display. The bright blue one I don’t know much about. The colour is stunning but I inherited it from my grandmother and don’t know the story of it. She traveled a lot, so it can be from any place!
The one on the far left is the vulcanised glass and above that fossilised wood. There’s also amber and fossilised urchin.